The 'Taking a Break from Dating' Support Thread

[Biddylee]

Hello,

I need to take a break from dating - online or otherwise. Because although I'm prepared to get back on the horse and try again, I seem to be encountering the same mistakes.

So this is a space for those who need to take a break, need encouraging to stick with the break and NOT PANIC THAT ALL THE GOOD MEN/WOMEN HAVE LEFT THE PLANET while they are taking a break.

For those seeking some hand holding because they feel a bit drained by it all.

For those who came across a helpful article about being single and happy.

Thank you BIDDY some good ideas.

I only have one real friend in the new area where I live and she has kids too and a new boyfriend so it's really hard for us to both have a time where we are kid free to go somewhere. If she's without her kids then she'll go to her boyfriend's.

Are there any good websites for meeting be people but not in a romantic sense?

Serial Can you talk to your close friend and see if you can have a hang out once a month.

To meet new people, look at Meetup.com, look on Facebook to see if there are any local groups, gingerbread for single parents, see if mumsnet's local does any get togethers and Bumble has a new friends app:

metro.co.uk/2016/03/10/i-tried-bumble-bff-app-for-making-friends-and-bromances-heres-what-happened-5745276/

Alternatively, take the lead - create a local single parents group on Facebook. Learn to tweet, blog and make new friends.

Hi biddy!

Our local MeetUp is used to try and date...'social clubs' for the over 40's which appears to include anyone from 40-99...

I've stepped away from those aswell because the same faces from OLD would turn up on local MeetUps.

My experience was that they were too contrived and maybe I was overly cynical.

I think I just don't trust anyone's motives anymore..😰

Am sure others will love them though... I'm probably past saving at this point ..

Hi biddy!

Our local MeetUp is used to try and date...'social clubs' for the over 40's which appears to include anyone from 40-99...

I've stepped away from those aswell because the same faces from OLD would turn up on local MeetUps.

My experience was that they were too contrived and maybe I was overly cynical.

I think I just don't trust anyone's motives anymore..😰

Am sure others will love them though... I'm probably past saving at this point ..

mememe I think many people hope to make a connection through common interest and so meet ups, etc, can serve that purpose. All those dating columns say take up a hobby - that why evening classes are full of women.

Generally feeling great this week. A few areas I notice I need to work on - confidence - and this doesn't mean going out and doing more to prove myself - it means feeling confident in what I've done.

I admit I have also been looking at online dating. I chatted to one guy but realise I don't have the time to see anyone and I'm not sure I want to.

Delete the apps biddy... i’m terrible for going on them when i’ve had a glass of wine which has several terrible effects including me drinking more to stay awake and agreeing to dates I then feel I have to go on when I wake up and realise I’m not interested...

I’ve deleted apps and having a dry month in preparation for my annual siblings bash which is usually boozey...

Off I had a very lazy weekend so it was initially window shopping in a moment of loosing patience with the TV.

Also looking at what I would avoid - reading between the lines to understand someone's lifestyle - like if they travel all the time and drink loads then it's not going to match my lifestyle. And even if they share all my hobbies, then they aren't going to be a match. Anyway... I'm too busy for dating at the mo.

Hey all, keeping resolute here and staying off them. Been a bit busy with the kids but hoping to do a de clutter to free up my mind and create “calm” 😬

Hoping you guys all doing ok. The holidays can be a bit shit on your own... going to my first wedding ever alone in a couple of weeks 😬😶 kinda nervous but hoping will be ok 😶

Yer - again really feeling that I don't want to date... I'm just not interested. Also something earlier reminded me of how painful my experiences have been this year. Particularly the one guy who I was dating. It was the first proper relationship after 8 years of a fairly sexless and emotionless relationship. And this new relationship that had sex and emotions... but was never going to work (he had a drink problem). And I miss the good things that worked out - the positive outcome is I realise I can have something nice. However at the moment I feel a bit broken.

Biddy, I get that feeling. 100%. but the fact that you can see the positive outcome is just so amazing. It shows how connected you are to you. And that’s really something.

Doing Thank you. I hope the wedding you have to go to goes well. Do you know lots of people there?

I find that if I go to a social occasion on my own and I am the only person I know and I have limited energy for social chit chat, then when i start feeling uncomfortable, I make my excuses and leave. There was a time when I would have just stayed and felt bored and miserable but life is short! It's also learning to acknowledge my needs.

De-cluttering is great. I have been slowly doing this over the last year.

Actually I know some of you will be proud of me. I had been chatting to someone on OLD and meeting had come up and I had suggested a date. BUT I realised I'm not ready to go there. So I dropped an email saying I couldn't with a nice apology too - I expect he is human and wants to meet a nice lady. Old me would have just gone along and felt obliged. New me is putting in some boundaries.

I hate datinggggg!!!!! Agh! Baad experience with last man :'( immature prick!!!! And breathe. Waaah!

Well
Done biddy. Are you still on the sites a bit? I’m completely nothing. 😬
My ex had been in contact with some more information about his sex life ( top guy 👍🏼😂😬) and just generally being awful to me.

I have a circle of friends going to wedding, but all with partners but hey ho. Will see how it all goes.

Doing I've come off the sites. I really don't want to be there. I haven't got the energy or inclination. Can you block your ex? Or cut him short if he is being horrible. Sounds like the wedding you are going to will be alright.

Locotion Take a break... and see where you are after that. I believe there are nice guys out there but we need to be in a good place to make sure we don't attract the wrong ones!

Biddy, he’s blocked on all but email. It’s my own fault for replying...

I’ve half a mind to join a site tonight 🙈🙈 #lonelysaturdaynight 😳😳😳

How are feeling?

It's easy to reply sometimes whether it's to get the last word, to defend yourself or to ask them to go away. I've done it myself and then you find yourself in a conversation which you didn't want to have.

I'm good overall. I'm looking after my daughter tonight. Have a book to read and some hobby stuff to do. Also going to watch some comedy or might have a bath. Lots of feel good stuff.

How are you otherwise? :)

Ive had a previously blocked random bloke pop up on my gmail. God knows how.
Reason enough for me to maintain reticence!

mememe I've never tried blocking people on emails. Hope you are alright.

yes am ok - hoping it was inadvertent on his part. it threw me though.

in attempting to unravel the shitstorm that was my marriage and dating history, i dated guys because they were interested in me (before getting married to exDH - and that was no different). Low boundaries and deferring to men is definitely something i picked up from my parents marriage. I'm certain i married my mum.

that aside, I don't even think i know what its like to fancy someone or have them fancy me. What it feels or looks like. I think i live in my head too much. I'm only just working out what my needs are and i'm still pretty tangled in self-blame and confusion and not being able to let go.

I dont get approached or asked out or flirted with so that answers the attractiveness question.

it scares me witless that this is it. I get that looks are subjective and attractiveness is multi-layered.. My sensual side is pretty implicit and very very guarded.

arrgghh im doing my own head in. i am so suspicious and mistrustful.
i dont even have a type.... i think im too fucked up to date, ever.

sad to give up at 42 but if ive not had interest when younger, fitter and better looking, im sure as hell not going to get any now.

depressing really.

mememe In the past I dated guys because they were interested and I thought it was the best I could do. I have learned I can date men I find attractive and are interesting. Now I need to learn that attractiveness, interesting and emotional intelligence can go hand in hand. My last ltr was a man who lacked emotional intelligence - it made me turn in my mother (and I ended up with a relationship that reminded me of my parents).

There was something I read about pretending to be confident til it happens. So regarding how you look and feel, find clothes, makeup and a haircut you love. Find your style. Tell yourself you are lovely. - you might start believing it.

Also keep working on your headspace. When your head starts going down the self blame, tell it to bugger off. Love yourself when you can't let go but tell yourself that you need to stop that because it holds you back. Treat yourself with the kindness that you would show a friend.

42 isn't that old. I'm 44