To those of you saying 'DH is lovely'

[BeauMirchoff]

What makes them lovely?
Only asking because my DH is not so lovely and I will soon be leaving him. I had a thread about this and how he didn't care about me.
What does your DH/DP do that makes them lovely? That makes you feel loved and respected? Give me hope that there are still good men out there! Please

Mine cares about how I manage particularly when I’m under the weather. He genuinely wants me to be happy and we pull together and work as a team given the option. We also have friends and nights away and trust. We occasionally argue but resolve things and work out how to make problems better.

I've had 2 relationships in my adult life and they couldn't be more different.

1 thought it his duty to go to work and play the family man on the weekend - only if we had friends over or went out. Expected sex once a weekend and a BJ mid week. Behind my back he financially ruined us so that I walked away with a DC and a suitcase.

1. took me and DC in, is financially prudent and is so involved in our children's lives. He didn't moan once when I chose to BF and co sleep our baby - in fact he quit smoking at that point. He waited 8 months for us to resume a sex life without any grumbles and mostly he puts up with me! We haven't got an easy life, but I don't doubt he's got my back.

It took me 3 years to leave 1 and it was wasted horrible times. Good luck!

We've had our ups and downs but one thing I'll always appreciate is that although he is very careful with money and sighs with my spendthrift ways, he's not tight with me. When I was on maternity leave he gave me a lot of money each month and still gives me something every month although I'm back at work. He pays for nursery (equivalent to my salary) and doesn't complain as it wouldn't occur to him that me being at work wasn't financially 'worth it' as I see with so many couples.

I’m reading this wonderful thread with tears streaming down my cheeks. Because my H did so many of the kind and thoughtful things that posters have written about - he was the love of my life, my best friend, my everything. And then despite declaring to anyone who would listen that he was the happiest man he knew, he had an affair whilst I was working abroad temporarily.

The OW fought very hard to keep him. My H delivered ‘the script’ to me word perfect. He was vile to me for a year - became a stranger, someone I could not even recognise. We are still together but it’s been the hardest thing I have ever done. He was and continues to be mortified at what he did. I love him still but all that innocent faith in him has been utterly trashed. Before the affair I would have echoed the lovely words of so many posters about their partners but my H took that from me and our DC. I read the comment from one poster about her DC growing up in absolute security: I am so glad that they have and been spared the selfishness and sense of entitlement that seems to beset so many men. And i’m so glad too to read that so many of you are cherished and adored as I seem to be surrounded by friends whose husbands and partners treat them like dirt

When I was with my ex I used to sometimes catch a glimpse of other people's relationships where their husband was thoughtful or kind or something and it just made me so :( but I am glad that I knew about it and left in the end.

I thought about another one today, seems like a little thing but the opposite makes such a difference. DH is a good and safe driver. I trust him and feel safe with him in all situations.

I remember one time when DS was about 3 and going through a phase where he hated having his hair washed. I'd come home from work just as DH was giving DS a bath and DS absolutely screamed as though somebody had just poured freezing water over him. My first instinct was "Oh no, poor DH, he's trying to wash his hair!" and then it struck me that with XP my first instinct would have been "What are you doing to my baby?!"

I never feel like I need to protect DS from him, because I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt him.

Has the kids at the weekend if I need some down time/nap
Makes me tea in bed a few times a week
Says kind things to me
Makes me laugh
Encourages me to meet up with family and friends (with him and without him).
Supports me in things that matter to me e.g. career hopes
Shares all money equally
Cooks roast dinner
He isn't perfect, we row from time to time about silly things, but he never says unforgivably nasty things.

He is the kindest person I know.
I am the center of his life as are his children
He is 50 plus but has never stopped trying to learn, improve, do better, etc.
He would never hurt anyone knowingly. My cousin introduced me to him and one of the very first things she said about him was in a story about another classmate (med school) at an exam and she said "he was really rough examining the patient and I though X was going to pull him off in front of the consultant - X just can't stand anyone being hurt.
He is very like my dad in all the ways that matter (values, kindness, love, integrity) and my dad was the best of men. Funnily enough my sister's husband is very different from Dh and from my dad (no one would put the 3 men in the same category) but the 2 of them have those deep-down commitment to goodness in common. I thank the universe every day that my dad showed me what a good man should be like. I hope my children will feel the same.

My DP believes in me and supports me. He tells me everyday that I'm beautiful - I'm not, I'm a lump! He makes me laugh and pauses the TV so we can natter. His face lights up when I get home. He makes me feel safe and loving. Oh and he's currently baking me shortbread!!

God, reading this thread is like a punch to the gut

Been married for over 35 years and, at times, DH has driven me mad (still does at times) - is very messy, is always losing things like his phone, car keys, door keys etc.

He makes me laugh a lot. I can never stay angry with him because we just look at each other and start laughing. He is my best friend. I would rather spend time with him than anyone else and I never get bored of him.

He works long hours in a manual job and I don't work at all and yet he will still often come in and offer to cook as he says it is not fair if I always do it. He makes me a cup of tea every morning and will bring it to in bed if I am not up when he has made it.

He is very easy going and laid back whereas I can be moody and irritable.

He thinks the world of my family, particularly my parents and will do anything for them.

He tells me he loves me every day and is always hugging me. He never goes out of the house without kissing me, even if he is nipping to the local shop.

I think the thing I love about him the most is his love of animals. We have had lots of rescue dogs and cats over the years plus he does as much as he can for a couple of dog rescues, giving time and money. He does transport runs fairly often on a day off and never asks for the fuel money (we are far from well off). A couple of weeks ago he drove a 600 mile round trip to pick up a rescue dog and take it to its new home

This time last year I couldn’t have written what I’m going to write now & actually we were only a couple of months away from the complete crisis in our marriage. It had been building up for years. Some days I really have no idea how I got through the school run without breaking down in tears & life was getting harder & harder. Then in January my husband was going to leave. He stayed & slowly but surely things have improved & now I feel I am living with a different man. He was always a good man who had somehow learned to behave very badly but he has really turned himself around. Our marriage isn’t perfect but I appreciate even the little things so much now & can look to the future with hope instead of despair. It’s sad that things needed to get to such a low point but I am very glad that I didn’t leave ( although I felt like it many times).
DH is funny ( he makes me laugh to the point of pain), good company, more intelligent than he gives himself credit for, creative, a great cook, always a hands on Dad ( and now a much calmer one) & supportive of me. He has my back, whereas before I felt on my own & we certainly weren’t a team. He’s not the most romantic but shows me he loves me in lots of ways & is very affectionate. I love when he sees that I’m fed up & says “ Pull up a husband”. He can be a grumpy git sometimes but he’s my grumpy git ❤️

I'm sorry OP that you are going through this. my sister is as well, and it bothers me tremendously as i know that there are good men out there. The things that my DH does that make me feel loved are all small, but priceless. The bath run for me when I get home from a long night at work. The many cups of tea he makes for me, especially the one that nearly always goes cold before I wake up, but that he can't help but make, just in case I do stir. The way he looks at me - when I'm sat there feeling spotty and fat, but he looks at me like Eva Green is sat on the sofa.

I still go through the wanting to kill him because hes breathing funny stage occasionally, but my life is better for having him. Good luck with your separation, and I'm sure that you will find your good man in time.

Mine is genuine. He always does his best to look after his family and will always put the people that matter to him before himself. He is encouraging and protects his loved ones. He is so, so patient and forgiving. I've done some really stupid stuff but he always hugs me and tells me it's OK. He can make me believe that too. I can rely on him to have our backs. He puts up with my craziness without too tutting or rolling eyes. I trust him completely.

He needs to have more faith and confidence in himself.

Because

He is so sweet
Gentle
Kind
Affectionate
Sunny
Funny
Calm
Immensely proud of my work
A hands on parent much more than I am
Loves our little ddog to bits
Snuggles

There’s no one else id crash on the sofa with. He’s perfect

The main thing is that he genuinely cares about how I feel. He wants me to be happy and to feel loved.

He isn't perfect. He works too much and he's messy. But today he was out and picked me up lunch. I have food allergies and I'm trying to lose weight, so I'm tricky to feed, but he nailed it because he pays attention to what works for me and he put a little thought into it.

We've been together over 20 years, and he still cares about how I feel.

When he comes off a 12 hour shift he will ring and ask if i need him to get anything on the way home. He will put at least one of our 2 dc to bed. He will ask how my day has been. If the 12 hour shift finishes at 6bam he will come home and help get the dc up and out the door. He likes to cuddle. He tells me that he appreciates me finding interesting things to go out and do as a family. That sort of thing.

I'm so sorry this thread has upset so many people.

One of the things I came back to say Beau was that yes, my husband is all the things I said in my first post, but my ex fiancé wasn't. He was financially and emotionally abusive, he was unfaithful emotionally and physically, he was cruel and he undermined me at every opportunity. There is definitely a better life waiting for you without this man, whether that's on your own or with someone else. But you won't find it until you take that first step. Be brave.

Yeah my ex was a total cock as well. His girlfriend he has now floated that she had won the prize to me at first. She’s on pills now apparently because she can’t get rid of him.

I look back and feel gutted at the years I won’t get back but I’m so bloody glad he’s well gone now. I just see a pathetic parasite who doesn’t have any control over me anymore.

*gloated

He's a bit OCD and nightmare to live with but he loves me.

He puts me first in almost everything - tries to wind me up but in a fun way - and usually succeeds.

Copes with me doing 0% of the house work but then I do work away four nights a week,

He does try too be controlling - I won't be controlled - we butt off each other.

he's a scottish, socialist, christian, union member..... I'm an english, conservative, agnostic/atheist, self employed

But we love each other

opposites can work

I am normally a pretty rational and sane person and not at all superstitious. Completely contrary to this, whenever I see a single magpie (which is all the damn time) I lose my shit that something bad is going to happen and my DH to be will always say "oh look his friend is over there, there's 2" and point in the distance, when I ask "where?" He will smile and say "oh you've missed him, he's flow away but there definitely were 2". It's the little things but this is why I love him

Just reading some other posts and wanted to say that this Prince Charming came after many frogs...the worst of which was massively emotionally and at the end physically abuse. I guess what I am saying is that I did not mean to gloat. There are a lot of assholes out there but there are also good men too

He does things without being asked. He’ll put me to bed if it’s a bad day with my Fibromyalgia. He’s a good dad. We can have a laugh and still have the love we grew from 20 years ago. He sends me little texts which make me feel loved.

He has his moments don’t get me wrong but he’s a good un.

My DH is kind. That is everything to me.

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. X

I'm reading these because I'm in the same situation as OP. I think I deserve what PPs have