To those of you saying 'DH is lovely'

[BeauMirchoff]

What makes them lovely?
Only asking because my DH is not so lovely and I will soon be leaving him. I had a thread about this and how he didn't care about me.
What does your DH/DP do that makes them lovely? That makes you feel loved and respected? Give me hope that there are still good men out there! Please

At one time I could have posted a list like this, (although less housework) in many ways he is great Kind, funny, witty, clean, stylish , hard working , in fact so many great things until I found out he just wasnt great, he had the same weaknesses as many other less kind men , just hid them better. Still married but I no longer feel I can post as others have and that does make me sad

Mine is my best friend. He’s not perfect but nor am I and we’ve been together a very long time. We are a team in life even if sometimes one or the other of us feels the other one isn’t pulling their weight. We have always talked about things even if they’re tough.

My dh is lovely. He always thinks of us as a team and simply picks me up whenever he needs to.
We run a business together and when my beloved mum died he did everything for the business so I didn't have to think about it even though he was grieving too.

He brings me tea in bed and will do anything I ask him to!

Always so kind to me. Seems a small thing but I have had so much unkindness from people in my life, he is a holiday.

Orders my food for me when I am over hungry and can't choose. Shares his food with me. Will swap food with me if I like his better.

Shares everything with me really. Anything he has, I can use, borrow, have, etc.

Patiently teaches me any of the many skills he has even when I am flustered and feeling vulnerable about not knowing how to do something.

When I struggle with my emotions, go through stuff with my dm/ex, he quietly books weekends away, buys a very thoughtful present, plans an evening of quality time and distracts me... Without ignoring the problem. He simply knows how to give me a break from my problems.

He's just nice to me, all the time, I don't know how or why as no one in my life has ever been like that before

My DH does no housework, doesn’t work and is often short tempered. DH is also disabled and in constant pain. So life isn’t always easy for our family.

He’s a keeper because of the way he makes me feel. He always has my back, he always shows and says how much he loves me. He is literally the rock my entire life is built on and most of all I trust him totally.

Do any of you lucky lucky people have DH/DP's who have a single brother in his 50s who'd be as lovely as your partners/husbands ?? Asking for a friend 😂😂. I'm so jealous you all have these lovely relationships. I'm not sure I've ever had this in my life

I have a health condition that I have to deal with on a daily basis (think multiple injections, lots of side effects) and he'll say how proud of me he is that I deal with it so well and that he would never be able to do what I do every day. He'll get up in the night to get me anything I need and sometimes he'll come and sit with me and we'll have a snack together so I don't feel as alone. If I'm struggling for money (very poorly paid job and I'm far too independent so don't like asking for help even for things I need) he'll buy me anything I need without me having to ask and as far as he's concerned what's his is also mine. He sticks up for me with his family or friends if a situation ever arises where boundaries need to be set. He makes time for me all throughout his week which is generally always busy. He does over time at work so we can afford nice things like holidays and so that we don't have to worry about money. He makes me laugh every day.
You deserve to be happy and treasured and cared for

@Scoobyloo11 it sucks, doesn't it gosh, I know I have to leave him. This will be so hard on the children

This is such a wonderful thread. Even though I'm unhappy, I'm glad I asked the question!

It does sound as if you’ll be a lot happier if you split up OP.

I can’t really explain how I feel about mine. We’re a team, he’s always got my back and won’t entertain me struggling with anything. Even if he’s cautioned me that I’ve taken too much on (I do that). I still get butterflies when he’s due home.

You deserve a bit of happy, time to move on I think.

GinisLife

haha - my DH does - but although he is also a kind, generous, unselfish and loving man, no one lasts long because alongside those traits, he is a workaholic perfectionist who never sits still...

A good partner:
loves you and shows it
supports you when you're down
is delighted when you succeed
encourages you to pursue your ambitions
sees housework and childcare as part of his life not just yours
understands the true value of work put in by any SAHP
wants to have fun with you
has future plans that include you and take you into consideration
has respect for people and things that are important to you

they might snore or check the front door's locked three times before leaving the house or leave damp towels on the bed or get grumpy or plastered occasionally because they're not perfect, but at root, they want what's best for you and your DC as much as they do for themselves.

Mine has good points and bad. The bad I can live with. Even when he does something that aggravates the shite out of me he's done it because he has thought it would be a good thing.

He cares about me, and adores my son. More than his own father does. He deals with my inability to kiss due to a bad past relationship.

He sees the good and bad.

You'll find someone who deserves you OP

My DH. He has a chronic illness (CRPS) and despite being in a constant degree of pain, has done everything (albeit slowly bless him) the past few weeks as I’m recovering from surgery.

When I’m working FT he does the best he can looking after our 10yr old and round the house.

But the biggest for me is that we are absolute equals. He tells me how much he appreciates me/us, how proud he is of me. Also, the people he grew up with and hung around with were pretty macho and homophobic. My BF of 35years is gay and he stood up for him against his “mates”. He doesn’t consider them mates anymore

DH is not perfect, far from it on some days! But over the years I have never once had to doubt his loyalty to me and the kids, and that counts for a lot.

He is proud of my achievements and shares in my worries.

We have ongoing negotiations arguments about housework and childcare, but I get a cup of tea in bed every morning and a kiss goodnight every night. If he drives my car, he fills it up with petrol. He always goes to the shop for me when I need wine or chocolate!

Over the years, it has been those little consistent acts of kindness that have served as the glue holding us together.

There might not be that many perfect men out there, but there are some really good ones. Don't give up!

Mines is amazing.
He's never so much as shouted at me nevermind an argument.
He does all the laundry.
He is a great dad...i never changed any nappies when he was on paternity. I never have to change them if he's in the house.
After my section he changed my pads as I couldnt bend.
He is currently filling out a vasectomy form and laughing about it... even though he's scared of needles... as he doesn't want me to have to rake hormonal contraception as I don't like it.
He buys me things he thinks I'd like.
He brings me tea in the morning.
He'll always tell me I'm attractive... even when I'm not.
He will happily have sex when I'm on my period... doesn't bother or disgust him at all.
I'd like to think he has a list of things that I do for him. I do think we are a great team most of the time.
One annoyance: he doesn't see the pile of random crap that always materializes on the kitchen worktop....odd batteries, screwdrivers, a torch, packet of mints etc. But I just sweep it all into a messy drawer 😁

Dh does my head in at times but he does his share of the housework and of the childcare; he looks after me if I need it (e.g. after various ops and illnesses). He does and buys things that show that he cares and that he knows me. He backs me up when the children have done something wrong and won't stand for any disrespect from them (or, indeed, anyone else) towards me. He tells me that I'm beautiful and that I'm good at the things I do even if I don't feel that I am. He leaves little notes in the steam on the mirror after a shower. He makes me a brew when he makes his own. He randomly tells me that he loves me. He encourages me when I'm down. There are loads more but off the top of my head I can't think of them.

BeyondthePage

I too am a workaholic - I'm working now. But could never be called a perfectionist ! 😀.

THis thread has made me quite sad. My oh used to be so great, on a thread like this, I’d happily play trumps. I can’t remember the last time where a day didn’t pass where he didn’t shout at me, make me cry, put me first or made me feel special.

He never takes ownership for the emotional pain he causes me...I know I deserve better.

Good luck with your future OP and all the best for experiencing happiness in the future

@Seedybread
Mine never does it too. He gets annoyed at me, saying 'you're always crying' but not accepting the fact that he is the one who makes me cry.
He's just come home, stinking of weed but apparently it's my fault because I cause him so much stress.

@BeauMirchoff I know that feeling. Would love for him to say “you’re right, I am shit, I love you so much I am going to make you love me again”.

I don’t feel like I ask for the world. In fact I don’t even ask for support.

He thinks that making me 1 cup of tea a day and looking after the kids so I can have a shower is him
Contributing.

Beaumirchoff I read your last thread. What are your long term plans? Hope things come together for you soon

Hugs OP make your plans to ltb.

My dp (will bw dh in may next year) isn't perfect. He can be a lazy fucker at home. He can be a stressy fucker and drive me mad wittering about something we can't change. And he can be a mardy bastard about silly stuff like not wanting to eat a perfectly reasonable tea of chilli and rice.

But he works his bollocks off to provide for us. He lets me have a lie in on a sunday despite the fact he is up at 5.30am every day while I am in bed until at least 7pm. He cooks every Saturday night. Will always do ds bath despite him having done a 12 h shift and I am a sahm mostly. He tolerates my pets including 2 ponies which his wages pay for. He makes me lovely g and ts whenever I ask. He is also amazing in bed and always puts me first. He has also raised my dd from a previous relationship with as much love and care as our own ds.

He's not perfect. Neither am I. But he is perfect for me. And I hope I am perfect for him.

I am in bed until 7am, not pm. Because that would really be an issue.