To those of you saying 'DH is lovely'

[BeauMirchoff]

What makes them lovely?
Only asking because my DH is not so lovely and I will soon be leaving him. I had a thread about this and how he didn't care about me.
What does your DH/DP do that makes them lovely? That makes you feel loved and respected? Give me hope that there are still good men out there! Please

Including but not limited to:

Does more than his fair share of household tasks and childcare
Has always paid proportionally more towards household bills when he earned more
Cooks lots including things I like that he doesn't specially for me
Takes DC out to give me a rest
Buys me thoughtful things I like as Christmas and birthday presents
Always gets me lovely Valentines / Christmas / birthday cards though he's not bothered, because it's important to me
Looks after me when I'm ill and takes over things I can't do without complaint
Always supports me going out with the girls/other friends and does what's needed to make that possible
Is generous with money in getting stuff for me and in other ways (eg tipping in restaurants)

There are lots of good men out there. It's simply not true that they can't cope with certain things or aren't good at them. You just have to believe that you deserve a good one.

Sorry to hear things aren't good for you, OP.

Feel a bit bad about answering the question- but you did ask.

Dh and I have been together nearly 35 years so plenty of time to consider the question, plenty of time for him to show who he is.

When we had only just got together I was working in the countryside; he and another worker's boyfriend came up for a party and both arrived while we were still at work. When we got back, we found that dh-to-be had gone into the kitchen and introduced himself to the cook and started helping with party preparations; by the time we'd finished work, they were all playing netball outside. The other boyfriend in the meantime had gone into a strop because his girlfriend wasn't there to meet him and gone off to sulk in the pub.

Another memory: dd had been admitted into hospital and doctors suspected abuse (turned out later to be genetic disorder). I had sat there all day desperately worried that something serious was being missed and feeling myself cold-shouldered by the staff. Dd was in pain and frightened. Dh in the meantime was working long hours and had no transport. No relatives or friends who could come and cheer us up from anywhere. Dark miserable evening, rain persisting down. And then dh walked in with 6yo little brother, both dripping wet, but with big smiles on their faces. He had finished work, collected ds at CM, kept him amused and happy (days before iPads) on two buses and a walk through the rain, and here they were, with a long journey back ahead of them, but cheerful and uncomplaining and ready to think about somebody other than themselves.

And as a third memory: when I was struggling as a carer to dd and my career was going rapidly downhill, he took a day's unpaid leave a week, with all that implied of having to scrimp and save, so I could do (mainly unpaid) work to build up my portfolio.

My DP is wonderful. We had a Halloween party yesterday. Kids games during the day and Mummy and Daddys drinking on the night while all the kids played with their prizes and watched films until they fell to sleep. Me and my friend entertained kids, set up games abd gave them a lovely time. Whilst my DP managed the bbq. There was quite a lot of alcohol. Today my house is a mess and I am hung over. No more than DP is. But his words to me this morning were 'you gave so many children a lovely time yesterday you deserve a rest. Leave the tidying up to me'
I am now on sofa with my DDs watching peppa pig...again i wish i was tidying up

Pressed post too soon.

Its just little things like that that makes DP lovely. We would normally do it together. But sometimes a little bit of thought, or extra effort goes so far. Tmrw, I will thank him with a lie in and a cooked breakfast to show him I appreciate him.

Drives here when I'm having an anxiety attack or I'm so depressed I feel suicidal.

Takes my DD out for the day (additional needs)

Plays board games and rough and tumble games with dd.

Bought me a washing machine when mine broke.

Watches dd while I work.

Bought me an xbox for my birthday (gamer here)

Bought entire Christmas presents for dds birthday.

Attended DDS pantomime.

Paid for us to go abroad (DDS first time)

Take us out for tea.

Bought dd much loved bike for her birthday

Helps with diy/housework

• Always compliments my cooking even if it's bought fish cakes & beans
• Always compliments me when we going out and I have made an effort to get dressed up
• Listens to my moans and sounds interested most of the time
• Always helps with housework at weekends even though he has worked really long hours during the week
• Always happy to see DS and loves doing things with him
• Loyal, nice to my friends
• Puts a lot of thought into gifts and wants me to like them

Beau ....you will find someone lovely again

Forgot to say - after a loooong day at work took arriving home to a 17th birthday party with 31 teens decorating the kitchen with booze and food and the garden with vomit in his stride. Happily held the other end of the hosepipe while I sluiced puke off the patio. If I didn’t know it before I knew he was a keeper then!

Despite being heavily pregnant he still finds me incredibly attractive and tells me so which I never thought would be possible coz I've always had self confidence issues.
He also wants me to be the best version of myself and encourages me to pursue my interests, even when I'm moaning to him that I suck at what I like doing (I don't suck, I just sometimes hit a mental block).
And he stuck with me despite being an absolutely moody cow when I was on the pill and when I became depressed.
What I liked first of all about him though was that he was and is so genuinely interested in me. And when we started dating he kept asking me if he was doing ok as a boyfriend. He was so worried he was ruining his chance with me.
I think I got the better deal tbh. After a cheating ex, and an ex who didn't talk to me for 3 months before we split he's been the best thing to ever happen to me and he lets me be Christmas mad even though it's not his thing

Oh OP I hope you will be happy again one day.

My DH certainly has his faults but he is always there if I need him. I suffer from anxiety and he is always there just to hold my hand and calm me down. Even if I know, and he knows, I'm just being silly and need to get my shit together! He always puts me first. He makes me happy. Even if he also irritates the hell out of me.

Lots of things that people have already mentioned — he cooks, he cleans, he doesn’t expect only to do the fun bits of parenting, he brings me a cup of tea in bed every morning — but a key one is that he actually listens to me.

So if we disagree about something, even if he’s initially defensive, he will go away and think about what I’ve said and either make adjustments or return for further discussion. His baseline is that I’m an intelligent and reasonable person, even where our views are different.

He pays attention in other ways too — for example, if he notices I’ve been listening to a particular artist and they have gigs coming up, he’ll buy tickets. Little kindnesses but real thoughtfulness.

My dp is so kind. I know that he puts my happiness above his own.

He makes me really laugh a lot. And he’s a great shag

Yesterday, he drove a hour round trip to take me to a restaurant where I was meeting some friends for tea just so that I could have a glass of wine then a couple of hours later he did it again to pick me up ❤️

Sorry you’re not happy :(

BeauMirchoff I get why you started this. I'm in a similar boat to you - though haven't quite got to the LTB stage (yet).

When you aren't valued - but your DH acts as if he's amazing - you doubt yourself and what you want. Hearing about the good guys shows us how it should be.

Be strong OP. You deserve a good life.

Sorry your relationship hasn't worked out.

DH is lovely because....

He is loving and kind, he's thoughtful, funny and witty, he's interesting and interested.
He shares housework, cooking, dog walking. He's an amazing Dad to his kids and to mine.
He makes me feel feminine, attractive and values my opinions and views. He shows me great respect and friends and family say they never heard him say a negative thing about me.
He tells me he's proud of me, he supports and celebrates me.
We do loads together. We laugh sooo much. He's wonderful company.
He's a great shag.😃

Sorry bit out of practice! I see your DH is a great shag.😃 too!

Mine always, always has my back and is always on my side. Never had that before.

Is equal when it comes to parenting and house work.

Is a kind person with a good heart.

@Scoobyloo11 sorry to hear you're in a similar situation and yes, I wanted a peek into other people's lives. I wanted to see how other men treat their partners/wives. And now I feel heartbroken and hopeful at the same time.
I know he doesn't put me first. If I ever said this to him, he'd answer "but why should I? Do YOU put me first?!" It's his tactic. I never get anywhere. And to shut me up: "why do you have to start again?"

He is instinctively kind. He is patient, respectful and genuinely interested in me, and in the world around him. He thinks about other people all the time. He’s a good son, a good brother, a good friend. He loves animals. He listens, and he seems to remember everything I’ve ever told him. He’s nice to my mum. He’s good with my niece. He’s very gentle. We still argue occasionally – like every couple – but he’s never said an unkind thing to me. He’s never even raised his voice. He’s generous and thoughtful. I had period pains last week, and asked him to go to the shop to get some painkillers. He went and got them, but he also brought a bag back filled with treats; my favourite chocolates, a magazine, that sort of thing. He’s not a grand gestures-type person, but he does little things like this a lot, and it makes me feel loved. He’s funny. And he’s really fit.

OP, I was with a nasty, nasty bastard before him. I convinced myself all men were the same, better the devil you know, etc. It’s not true. Go out and find yourself a nice one.

He doesn't expect me to be perfect, he knows I'm not but never points out my faults so I feel like I'm perfect for ^him^ even if the rest of the world thinks I'm an arsehole. There's lots more (including some bad bits) but being accepted for who I am is really important to me so that's the one that stands out. I hope you find happiness OP

BeauMirchoff I think we're married to the same man...

I know I'm not perfect, but it would be nice to be heard out without a 'But you did/didn't do x/y/z...'

He gets up early with the kids nearly every day because I have problems sleeping due to medication and am knackered, he even gets up super quietly so he and the kids can be up and out without even waking me.

He works hard to make sure we can do all the things we want to do without struggling

He is a great dad and spends a lot of time with the kids - reading bedtime stories to taking them golfing

He makes me laugh

He is and has never been jealous, petty or unkind to me. We do argue (don't get me wrong) but he has never ever 'hit below the belt'

He kisses and cuddles me every day.. several times a day! ..if I am having a (rare) nap on the couch he will come and tuck me in, and when I wake up he brings me a cup of tea..he works hard for us and never complains..he is always affectionate and cheerful..he loves me despite everything...he still wants to hold my hand when we are out, etc..I couldn't ask for more from a husband, I really couldn't.

What a beautiful thread, what lovely stories. Im single and wont be with someone til I know theyre like all the lovely kind genuine partners talked about in this thread 💕

We've had our near misses with ending our marriage, so it's not always been fluffy.

Why is he lovely?

Because he's finally dealing with the FOG from his parents, even though it's painful, because not dealing it was to leave me victim to PIL's bullying. He's also stopping using language accusing me of 'not getting on with them' because I did everything humanly possible to get on.

Because when a friend of mine (one of a handful of people who I would move mountains for) was in trouble and might need somewhere to stay with her children he suggested they stay at ours before I asked.

He acknowledges that I do the majority of parenting, including 99.9% of stuff at night and doesn't make my SAHP status about needing to do everything apart from income-earning. He'll do as much housework as I do when he's home (works away 50% of the time so I'm either on my own for weeks, or he's off for weeks with me).

We both help each other to be better. I have some crazy hobbies (NaNoWriMo is days away. Writing 50k words in a month takes time out of partner/family time) and he supports me with them. I nudged him into taking an OU degree instead of topping up existing qualifications to HND level. He didn't think he was intelligent enough back to his parents' discouragement/bullying for why but I believed in him enough for him to try.

Of course there is the snoring, noisy chewing, eating the whole secret stash of chocolate when I'm out for half a minute. He knows he's going to be murdered one day if he criticises my driving too much more(small stuff and he's hardly perfect) but that's a work in progress.

I remember reading a quote one day about marriage and how at many times that both parties had wanted to leave, but never thankfully at the same time. That really struck me. I think marriage is like a life balancing on a scale. Most of the time its even but you can get dramatic highs and lows too. There are very truthfully times I have hated my husband more than I could put into words, he is a very selfish man and that isn't ever easy to live with. But on the opposite spectrum, he is completely trustworthy and reliable - the polar opposite to how my dad was/is. We lost homes due to dads financial recklessness, and he left my mum repeatedly before doing so permanently with a woman that was well under half his age. In comparison, I've never had a moment of worry or concern from my DH and that means a lot when you've had a crappy childhood. We've had children that have grown up in absolute security, and I treasure that. We have had many happy moments, many sad ones including losing a much loved baby boy but overall, it's been a journey i can't imagine having taken with anyone else. True love, and roses round the garden it ain't but it's something honest and more tangible than that, if that makes any sense at all.