Husband cheated for second time

[harriettep123]

I’m 50 h 52 we’ve been married for 30years happily so I thought. 4 years ago he had a 3 year emotional affair with an ex school mate he reconnected with on Facebook, they later met for sex in a Travelodge. I wanted continue with the marriage and he swore it wouldn’t happen again. Guess what ? He went to a rugby game with some mates picked up a young girl in a bar and had sex in his hotel room, I found out because he was guarding his phone while we were on a mini break in Spain. When we got back I got on his phone and they’d stayed in contact sexting on WhatsApp and arranging to meet again. Obviously I went ballistic and asked him to leave , he won’t and six months later he’s still here in the spare bedroom, as he LOves ME , lol !
Also last week I got on his web history on the iPad, he’s been using porn sites, dating sites and looking at escort girls in our area and in his home town where his parent live. I’ve made an appointment with a solicitor on Monday, but pathetically I still love him. I’m in pieces on antidepressants please help me to be strong. I know what I’d say to someone in my position so why can’t I be more pro-active ?Anyone else experienced this ?

I do love Chumplady!

www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-unified-theory-of-cake/

Love this !

He’s still here and being nice which seems odd lol !

I phoned my husband once and he was so nice ok the phone I said - it’s me.

Just wondering...Is your son not his son?

My son Is his son , we’ve always been extremely close , he’s seen the fall,out first hand and thinks I deserve better x

Your son is right, harriet.

LISTEN TO YOUR SON!!!!!!!!

Thanks. He's right. You definitely deserve better.

It always amazes me when people say an affair doesn't make you a bad parent... yet the impact on the children...or even adult children is evident.

You've raised your son well and he knows this isn't how you should be treated.

Be prepared for him to be very nasty when he finally realises he can’t bring you to heel by all the strategies he’s currently and predictably running through. It will wound his pride and outrage him. His actions have never really materially impacted on him before.
You sound ace, if you can tie yourself to the mast and stop your ears until the divorce is progressing nicely, you have a lot of years of quality life and experiences ahead of you. You’ve clearly raised top children in your own image too.
Hats off!

Thankyou ,😀

Struggling today with my anxiety, I’m in bed , I still haven’t posted the papers, but I’ve got mediation advice on Wednesday re: our finances . I just can’t seem to detach and move forward 😔

It's gonna take time.
A lot of time!
You cannot expect to be right as rain this quickly.
Honestly. Take it slowly.
Do everything at your pace.
Rest up for today and then see what tomorrow brings.

I’m not surprised you’re anxious, this is a big deal.
Be kind to yourself and know that you’re worth caring about and worth more respect than he has shown you.
Right now he’ll be relying on you being too scared to go it alone.

Take your time and you'll get through it.
You're still feeling the effects of shock at finding out what was going on.
Stick to your resolve and you will get things done, in time.

OMG , this has happened, what’s your take on it ?
He came home tonight and said oh I really enjoyed last night, I said why what happened? Apparently he came in my room and we had sex, I’d had a couple of g&ts but have totally zero recollection of this and was shocked and upset obviously.
He seemed horrified and has taken the divorce papers to post on his way to his poker game , wondering if this is what he secretly wants and was pretending all the time ?

OMG , this has happened, what’s your take on it ?

Unbelievable!

You couldn’t make it up.

No, if you read it in a book you’d think it was too far fetched wouldn’t I you ? Can’t believe this has happened to me , it’s bizarre !!

I’d think he was a lying arsehole who is enjoying toying with you!
Also I wouldn’t have trusted him to post the divorce papers.

.... and that all men look at porn, .... No they don't!

He ... has taken the divorce papers to post on his way to his poker game

Forgive me but I'm confused; why on earth would he want to do that? More to the point, why would you want him to?

And given his previous remarks about the drugs "making you crazy", I wouldn't even give his silly claims about Sunday night headspace, frankly

I think you’d remember having sex with him. Seems he’s trying his luck. Don’t trust him to post those papers.

Crikey op.
Is there any chance he may have doped your drinks? It just seems a very weird thing to claim.

The whole scenario is odd, I really think I would know if I’d had sex with him ! If he hasn’t posted them my solicitor will know in a couple of days x

I’d think he was a lying arsehole who is enjoying toying with you! Also I wouldn’t have trusted him to post the divorce papers

I think this too.

If he hasn’t posted them my solicitor will know in a couple of days

I'm sure he will, but since the petition needs to be served on your DH, what exactly is the point in him posting something he has no interest in receiving??

Call me dense but I really don't understand this