Husband cheated for second time

[harriettep123]

I’m 50 h 52 we’ve been married for 30years happily so I thought. 4 years ago he had a 3 year emotional affair with an ex school mate he reconnected with on Facebook, they later met for sex in a Travelodge. I wanted continue with the marriage and he swore it wouldn’t happen again. Guess what ? He went to a rugby game with some mates picked up a young girl in a bar and had sex in his hotel room, I found out because he was guarding his phone while we were on a mini break in Spain. When we got back I got on his phone and they’d stayed in contact sexting on WhatsApp and arranging to meet again. Obviously I went ballistic and asked him to leave , he won’t and six months later he’s still here in the spare bedroom, as he LOves ME , lol !
Also last week I got on his web history on the iPad, he’s been using porn sites, dating sites and looking at escort girls in our area and in his home town where his parent live. I’ve made an appointment with a solicitor on Monday, but pathetically I still love him. I’m in pieces on antidepressants please help me to be strong. I know what I’d say to someone in my position so why can’t I be more pro-active ?Anyone else experienced this ?

Oh god please pull your finger out and send them off. So sorry about your mum but would she really want you to forgo half to him.

Hope the New Year brings you the closure you deserve and a happy and healthy 2018. The power of women especially when helping each other, never fails to amaze me. Good luck Harriet 💐

I spoke to my solicitor the other day about a similar situation regarding an inheritance, and he said that if you have already initiated divorce proceedings then the husband may not necessarily be entitled to a share of an inheritance. Obviously in your case the waters are muddied because he is (was?) still living in the house and the papers hadn't been posted.

It reads to me that everything he's doing is done to get you out of the house and get him a share of the inheritance.

Good luck going forward- get on to your solicitor asap.

I’ve got myself in a right mess now, I got a bit tipsy and I slept with him on NYE , he now thinks all is good and we’re back to normal ! Somebody stop me from making a massive mistake 😡

You've made a mistake. That's ok. It's hard to switch off feelings.
But don't let that stop you doing what needs to be done. Send the papers. Tell him nothing has changed, calmly and clearly. It's just a small step back, don't let it stop you going forward!

You made a mistake fair enough. Read back the few pages, you were warned he was working his way in!

Use this as your wake up call

Why do they get so shouty and angry when you’re upset and confront them. I don’t get the mentality I still can’t get my head around it all 😒

Lots of people go on the attack when they know they are wrong. It is a bit unusual to find one who will immediately admit they are wrong and apologize and feel bad about how their actions have made someone else feel. They just can't stand feeling they have done wrong.....

It is not you; it is him!!

Just because you slept with him doesn't give h8m rights again.

Oh my goodness, he's a master manipulator and please believe me when I say he's only hanging around for the money!!

Divorce is expensive. He doesn't want to pay money, he wants to stay in the house and inherit your mother's estate.

He wants to play around with other women.

He wants to mess with your head.

Honestly, get him out and keep him out.

Get the papers posted and be strong for yourself.

He's horrid.

@harriettep123

Hey OP, have you re-read your thread? I just had a quick skim through and can see a bit of a pattern with his behaviour. Can you?

Do you mean the angry then nice scenarios @bibbedee ?

@harriettep123

Yes that's right. He's so manipulative isn't he. He hates not getting his own way so uses his anger then emotional blackmail. I'd try and keep him at arms length sexually, I'm sure he sees this as one of your weaknesses?

You’re right , when I don’t don’t behave how he wants he’s abusive, then if I’m calm he’s all over me, when I really want to punch his face in ! I’m bringing my little pooch in bed with me now 🐶

I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum

Stay strong, you’re doing this. And you’re doing brilliantly x

How’s this for a scenario to me it’s normal, he has a bath and I get to go in the second hand WATER , NORMAL OR NO ???

one hand water to save money on water

Well that is not normal for me. As the purse string holder in our house, I don't see water as one of our major expenses by a very long shot!
We aren't on a meter though.

If I had to share bath water, for sure I would be the first to use it.

As another poster said water is the cheapest bill to pay.

Yuk at second hand water - no way
Can't you have a shower?

Second hand water?! WTAF! We're not in the war OP! What ever next, an outside loo?!!

Next time you have the first bath then wee in it! 😉

Last night I told him I was going ahead with the divorce, gave me the silent treatment and went to his room, this morning he want to “talk”after work tonight as he didn’t sleep a wink. He says he’s been trying sooooo hard , I said I didn’t see what was left in the marriage for me and it didn’t matter how good he promises to be it doesn’t change his vile, disgusting betrayal of a good and loyal wife of 30years ! I can’t wait to see what he comes up with later , wish me luck 😝😝😝😝

Good luck.

If you don't divorce him after the second incident (that you know of), he'll take it ad a green light to cheat again.

He had a chance...you gave him the gift of reconciliation and he blew it.

Most of these cheaters men wouldn't tolerate a cheating wife.

My god, it’s all him, him, him!

After everything he’s done to break up your marriage and HES sulking because you’ve drawn a line?

Wow. Staggeringly self absorbed

Not read all the posts but if no ones already mentioned it go to www.chumplady.com or read her book ‘leave a cheater, gain a life’.

It seriously sorted me out and have me the strength to stop the mind games my ex would play. You deserve better.