Husband cheated for second time

[harriettep123]

I’m 50 h 52 we’ve been married for 30years happily so I thought. 4 years ago he had a 3 year emotional affair with an ex school mate he reconnected with on Facebook, they later met for sex in a Travelodge. I wanted continue with the marriage and he swore it wouldn’t happen again. Guess what ? He went to a rugby game with some mates picked up a young girl in a bar and had sex in his hotel room, I found out because he was guarding his phone while we were on a mini break in Spain. When we got back I got on his phone and they’d stayed in contact sexting on WhatsApp and arranging to meet again. Obviously I went ballistic and asked him to leave , he won’t and six months later he’s still here in the spare bedroom, as he LOves ME , lol !
Also last week I got on his web history on the iPad, he’s been using porn sites, dating sites and looking at escort girls in our area and in his home town where his parent live. I’ve made an appointment with a solicitor on Monday, but pathetically I still love him. I’m in pieces on antidepressants please help me to be strong. I know what I’d say to someone in my position so why can’t I be more pro-active ?Anyone else experienced this ?

Hope you're not cooking or doing his laundry!

That's been asked at least four times now and Harriet's chosen not to reply ...

If your H wanted you forever (his words) why did he have two affairs a d look online for more? Why did it take starting divorce proceedings for him to want to be married?
Shouldn't he have realized all of those things wanting you forever wanting to be married at start of the marriage....clearly he doesn't use his brain to think very much!
Your not crazy you're finally seeing him for who he is and as for wanting back in the martial bed he didn't want in it with his other women?

Don't wobble for a man who put your mental and sexual health at risk and stamped all over your marriage!

not many men would or could turn down a young women for sex in their 50s - I hope you're not with a partner.

not many men would or could turn down a young women for sex in their 50s

The ones who take their marital vows seriously and love their wives would turn it down... especially after they've seen the hurt a previous affair caused and have been giveh the gift of reconciliation.

Perhaps be good friends instead?

Piss off!

(That was a woman's natural reaction. I couldn't help it.)

Op he isnt a good man. A good man wouldnt have behaved like that. A 3 year affair !!! He deliberately and repeatedly cheated on you and has repeatedly minimised his own behaviour.

Your children can see this clearly please listen to them.

@Beowulf007 GTFO of this thread with that minimizing and thinly veiled ageist insult bull sh*t.

And yet, how easy is it for men in their 50s who werent attractive in their youth to 'get' sex with a significantly younger woman. Obviously any woman under 30 is not gou g to think about it. From 30 upwards a woman might consider it but it is less likely the younger she is.
So basically the fact that women dont want to have sex with much older men is a very significant part of the equation.

Women also have preferences that arent met. Both sexes will decide to value what they know they couldnt easily replace.

Men do forget that ageing applies to men and that women arent lining up to sleep with much older men

Anybody in their 50s male or female can risk it all for sex with somebody who wouldnt repeat the experience or repeat it sober or commit or invest.

Men dont get to devalue women for ageing as though they too arent ageing!!

You're not giving any thought to what women want though.

Men cant pretend they're 30 when they're 50 cos they're not and women notice.

Sure they can sit there fantasising about much younger women but women too have their unmet fantasies.

Lol at all these 22 year olds seducing 50 something husbands (ha ha)

Let's not derail the thread and scare OP off. Ignore the pond scum.

the OP can perhaps choose to use this as a mitigating factor.

It's not a mitigating factor, so why would the OP do that?

In any case, the H's behaviour in general has shown that he's not worth the OP wasting her time and effort on.

Beowulf, this isn't a study, a paper, a thesis or anything like that.

This is a woman's life which has been torn apart. Show some compassion and empathy or get the fuck off this thread.

No I’m not cooking and washing for him.
My son just wants the best for me they’ve never been close.
And Lol I’m not worried about being over 50 , I’m slim glamorous and run my own business all my sons friends say I’m A MILF ! He only got those young women because he loves to splash the cash , he goes out with wads of cash , a couple of slaggy goldiggers
Yes my life’s been blown apart and I’m finding the encouragement here priceless xxx

Men prefer women is there early 20s regardless of their own age

Hilarious. You're talking bollocks. We have DCs older than that so why on earth would he prefer women of 21 or whatever, he would be completely out of his depth. And very very bored.

Be strong harriet

So he’s out spending family money looking to find a shag? He really is a class act, you’re well rid.
Keep telling yourself you’re better than this, you deserve more than what he brings to the table.

What a load of shite Beowolf is talking. Studies in what esteemed publication? Playboy?

My DP is in his early 50s and certainly doesn't want to sleep with women in their 20s, the same age as his daughters. Maybe because he has some ethics, morals and loves me?

Are you alright harriettep123? Did you survive the weekend? If you wobbled, it's okay.

He's a scumbag and you know it. Don't let him minimise his truly shitty behaviour and complete lack of morals and decency.

Take control. If he won't leave - you leave. No house is worth living with a morally repugnant creep who has no respect for you. Start divorce proceedings. Immediately.

Find a place of your own and leave him in your wake. He doesn't deserve to be consulted, or given (yet another) chance.

And just in case you are in any doubt - he is highly likely to have been using prostitutes throughout your marriage and will continue to do so. Get an STI check as a matter of urgency, as he has demonstrated he has no concern for your happiness or wellbeing.

I survived the weekend, papers are signed but haven’t quite managed to post them yet, got a mediation appointment next week. He’s still here and being nice which seems odd lol !

Of course he’s being nice, he wants to weasel his way back in, I hope you recognise it for the conniving behaviour it is.