Awful evening...wwyd?

[eveningfromhell]

At a friend's wedding with boyfriend of several years.

He has some health issues and is uncomfortable standing or sitting for prolonged periods.

At about 9 he said he was going to go up to bed. I asked him to stay another half hour. He agreed.

About 40 mins later I said did he want to go up. He refused. I asked a few more times, same answer. Finally about 11, he was clearly in pain. I asked him to go, he said no again. Wouldn't discuss it. I said I'd had enough of this, picked up my drink and walked outside.

2 mins later he stormed past me and up to our room, collected his stuff and is now apparently sleeping in his car overnight.

I have tried to get him to come back in. He won't. I've had to leave him outside as he said of I kept on he'd drove home ( I'd then be stuck here). He shouted at me for making a scene (when I was crying, asking him to come back inside). He's annoyed that I prevented him from going to bed when he wanted to.

I feel like utter shit. I feel like a bit of the love I,had for him has just ebbed away. I'm also now sat alone in a £150 a night room.

I see absolutely no issue with you asking him to stay a bit longer. It was a polite request not a fucking unreasonable demand, he’s all grown up and could have said no, I can’t see what the hell youre apologising for. What you’re not even allowed to ask?

For me he’s behaved appallingly. I’d expect an apology or he could fuck off. Yes he may have been in pain, yes he may have been going through a terrible time, but there is no excuse for terrible behavuour. He’s all grown up as said, he can control how he behaves. You should not be grovelling. He sounds like a manipulative twat to me.

About 40 mins later I said did he want to go up. He refused. I asked a few more times, same answer.
You kept asking him? Jesus, that sounds irritating. You're not his mother so why were you babying him? If he wants to stay up in pain then let him, he's an adult and can make his own decisions about his bed time. You only needed to ask him once then you should have accepted his reply. As other posters have said, if you gave the impression you were disappointed that he wanted to go to bed at 9pm then maybe he felt obligued to stay up as long as he could. Silly of him, but it depends on how you normally behave I suppose.

He has told me I'm selfish. I make it all about me. I go on too much
You were going on too much, and you wanted him to stay up with you for your own reasons even though he wasn't happy.

Normally I am constantly thinking about him, is he happy? How can I make him happy
If you are verbalising this or fussing about, that can be very irritating. But then I absolutely hate people fussing over me.

@eveningfromhell, speaking from experience, I actually think the best thing to do would be to both knock off the booze on occasions that might have flashpoints. Not that you were drunk, but alcohol does have a tendency to escalate situations that, sober, would be more easily managed.

You kept asking him? Jesus, that sounds irritating. You're not his mother so why were you babying him? If he wants to stay up in pain then let him, he's an adult and can make his own decisions about his bed time. You only needed to ask him once then you should have accepted his reply.

Why? OP may not have wanted to stay much beyond the initial 40 minutes. If she accepts his first reply that he doesn't want to leave, why is she banned from wanting to leave herself?

It's not in the least unreasonable for her to wonder if he wants to go, given that he'd initially agreed to stay only for another half hour.

As other posters have said, if you gave the impression you were disappointed that he wanted to go to bed at 9pm then maybe he felt obligued to stay up as long as he could

Why would he have felt obliged when she'd only asked to stay for 30 minutes?

It's astonishing how much distortion of basic facts is going on on this thread.