No longer attracted to my husband after he lost all his money

[upsetmner]

I’ve name changed for this but am a regular MNer. I’m prepared to get flamed for this and don’t really know what I’m asking for, maybe if anyone has been in a similar situation?

I’ve always been attracted to wealthy older men. I didn’t grow up with a dad and my mother is a complete narcissist who doesn’t know how to love or show affection. My counsellor says I’m a classic “dependant” type, I seek out a father figures and someone who can take care of me.

I’ll cut a long story short. My husband is 16 years older than me. When we first met it was happy days, lots of money, he was wealthy and owned his own company/powerful and he let me quit my job and be a lady of leisure. In my eyes he was the sexiest man on earth and I was the luckiest woman to have him!

Then after about a year things turned sour in his business and for the last 2.5 years he has been throwing good money after bad and invested in other failed business ventures along the way.

We’ve lost millions!

To get by we have sold our house, our cars, our artwork, just to keep us afloat. I stuck by him, I didn’t want to be that girl who leaves when things get tough because I do love him and for a long time I believed he was making the right decisions for his business. Plus he told me not to worry and things are JUST ABOUT to pay off. None of it has paid off. Nothing has “come good”. It’s just gone from bad to worse.

Now we are claiming housing benefit for our rented house that we are in massive arrears for, council tax reduction, and JSA. We’re now also on the waiting list for a council house as once our landlord decides to evict us for unpaid arrears we will literally be homeless as can not afford a new place to rent. I can’t work as I’m 33 weeks pregnant. It’s the end of the road and he has to get a job.

I’m just so un-attracted to him. He’s the opposite of what I wanted, or what I thought I had. I never thought I’d be on benefits thinking about how I’m going to afford a buggy or all the other things my baby will need.

I’m also bitter and angry that his ex wife got a gigantic payoff in their divorce 10 years ago when he was still minted. I’m jealous of her. My husband has still been paying her an eye watering sum of maintenance and child support for his child with her up until recently when we really could no longer afford to and ran out of options and things in our house to sell.

Someone please talk some sense in to me!

I feel for you. Your husband's wealth was part of the package and now a big part of that package is gone. I'm so sorry for both of you. Have you had a child with him?

Just do the best you can, you may find other things about your husband become more important with time. He must be feeling wretched, don't make it worse. At the same time, I sympathise.

ZOMBIE!!!

Well isn’t this lovely , you could you know provide for yourself instead of relying on a rich man or actually marry someone for love .

I'm not judging you at all for finding older successful, wealthy men attractive. Why not. Some women get hot for academics, musicians, tattoos, whatever, and men are terrible for aiming for young gorgeous women, those with big boobs or high intelligence, it's all the same imo. Anyway, this same thing happened to a neighbouring couple I knew, the guy had been an incredibly successful banker in Switzerland, did a series of bad deals and lost EVERYTHING, millions. They retreated to a small cottage and licked their wounds. She supported him, made the house lovely from car boots etc, painted really nice classic painting to hang on the walls. He became a taxi driver, worked all hours for a few years. Then because he was a driven individual, he developed a little business idea of his own and they shared the excitement of starting to build it up into something and by the time I left the town they were well on their way to making a success of it. You will survive, you're in a fabulous country where people don't starve and generally have a roof over their heads. If you support and look after that man you love - the successful confident achiever with a valuable set of skills and experience, he will return, do something together and you'll also have the pride of knowing you can achieve something on your own merits.

Zombie thread. Don't waste time posting people. It's a year old and someone started commenting on it today for no reason.

My word you sound a delight. Bet you you look in the mirror with all your wrinkles. You are not that nice. Good luck with your attitude and no doubt you will end up a shell of a person with that shallow outlook

Real bitter women out there. Bet you they end up lonely too.

I know this is a year old but I'd love to see an update on how the OP is getting on.

What happens when you get older and aren't a pretty young thing to hang off someone's arm? Are you fully expecting to be abandoned or are you hoping people are more decent than you?

Oh wow this popped up on my feed.

Right, an update: we are still together (just!!!) and things are much better than they were a year ago. Still not out of the shitty financial situation but we are getting there. H has landed on his feet with an amazing job and making great money again, problem is we are paying off copious amounts of debt so even though big sums of money are coming in, big sums of money are going straight back out, but there is at least a light at the end of the tunnel.

The whole ordeal has really put a strain on our marriage and we are only just about surviving together but we both want to make it work. Especially for the sake of our child.

I remember this thread from last year! Thanks for the update, OP, I hope things continue to move in the right direction and congratulations on your new arrival!

I'm glad things are moving in the right direction for you both

It’s awesome I didn’t have to wait a full year to see the OPs final reply that she’s doing better.

I just signed up to simply say some of the people on here are monstrous. I don’t particularly agree with how the OP lives, however she has made clear her husband knows exactly what is what, & it works for them. He gets what he wants, she gets what she wants. Eyes wide open. So for all these bitter old jealous cows trying to stick the boot in really amused me & pissed me off.

Like another lady said, some men like big tits, intelligence, long legs, whatever. She likes older men with cash. People meet in clubs & bars, they wouldn’t go up to someone they found ugly, or unattractive, would they? They’d go for what appeals to them. This is no different.

Glad things are going better. P.s I think you made yourself come across very wrong on this post OP, but I admire the honesty, no point sugar coating shit 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Gpto8fo86 you really didn’t need to resurrect this to have your opinions

Mind your own business & don’t read 🤷🏼‍♀️