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Original poster

No longer attracted to my husband after he lost all his money

291 replies

upsetmner · 17/10/2017 20:01

I’ve name changed for this but am a regular MNer. I’m prepared to get flamed for this and don’t really know what I’m asking for, maybe if anyone has been in a similar situation?

I’ve always been attracted to wealthy older men. I didn’t grow up with a dad and my mother is a complete narcissist who doesn’t know how to love or show affection. My counsellor says I’m a classic “dependant” type, I seek out a father figures and someone who can take care of me.

I’ll cut a long story short. My husband is 16 years older than me. When we first met it was happy days, lots of money, he was wealthy and owned his own company/powerful and he let me quit my job and be a lady of leisure. In my eyes he was the sexiest man on earth and I was the luckiest woman to have him!

Then after about a year things turned sour in his business and for the last 2.5 years he has been throwing good money after bad and invested in other failed business ventures along the way.

We’ve lost millions!

To get by we have sold our house, our cars, our artwork, just to keep us afloat. I stuck by him, I didn’t want to be that girl who leaves when things get tough because I do love him and for a long time I believed he was making the right decisions for his business. Plus he told me not to worry and things are JUST ABOUT to pay off. None of it has paid off. Nothing has “come good”. It’s just gone from bad to worse.

Now we are claiming housing benefit for our rented house that we are in massive arrears for, council tax reduction, and JSA. We’re now also on the waiting list for a council house as once our landlord decides to evict us for unpaid arrears we will literally be homeless as can not afford a new place to rent. I can’t work as I’m 33 weeks pregnant. It’s the end of the road and he has to get a job.

I’m just so un-attracted to him. He’s the opposite of what I wanted, or what I thought I had. I never thought I’d be on benefits thinking about how I’m going to afford a buggy or all the other things my baby will need.

I’m also bitter and angry that his ex wife got a gigantic payoff in their divorce 10 years ago when he was still minted. I’m jealous of her. My husband has still been paying her an eye watering sum of maintenance and child support for his child with her up until recently when we really could no longer afford to and ran out of options and things in our house to sell.

Someone please talk some sense in to me!

OP posts:
Telstar99 · 17/10/2017 22:24

@upsetmner

No matter how much of the posts I read from you, I cannot, for the life of me, feel sorry for you.

You married this man PURELY for his money. You deserve all you get. And I have to say, like many others, I cannot fathom why you decided to have a baby in the midst of all this. You say things had been turning sour in the business, and finances were dodgy, (for over 2 years,) yet you still chose to have a baby even knowing that. Makes no sense to me.

I, like many others, will be royally pissed off if you both get financial handouts off the Government after frittering away millions (as you put it!)

And bollocks to the people saying 'she isn't the FIRST woman to be attracted to a wealthy older man!' Hmm She got with him purely for the money and now is 'no longer attracted' to him because he's skint now, and admits she is sticking with him in the hope he will become rich again. As I said, she deserves all she gets.

Oh and kudos to his wife for getting a mammoth payout. Bet she is pissing herself laughing at you - and him.

As someone said further back in the thread, this sounds like karma.

And obviously, being 7 months pregnant, it makes no sense for her to get a job right now, but in about 6 months she can go out to work. I went back to work when mine were 4 months old. So can she. Then at least she can stop depending on her husband for money.

DancesWithOtters · 17/10/2017 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PickAChew · 17/10/2017 22:29

You'd have got a hell of a lot more sympathy if you'd spoken about the worries for how you will cope with a baby in your circumstances rather than how unsexy your husband's lack of money is. You wouldn't have got as much attention for that, though and it reads like the only reason you're not leaving him is because you won't get the same sort of settlement as his ex.

expatinscotland · 17/10/2017 22:30

'Have you been moved to income support yet or are you having to sign on?'

If he's claiming JSA, he's claiming it as part of a domestic partnership (you have to state your marital status at the time of claim) so she won't get IS.

GabsAlot · 17/10/2017 22:33

tesco and most supermarkets are hiring right no for xmas

SlothMama · 17/10/2017 22:35

Boohoo, maybe this will teach you to not be so self-centered and a money grabber in the future! Get looking for baby stuff on eBay, Gumtree, charity shops and family/friends.

Then when you are settled after the baby is born get a job and learn to support yourself.

JoanBartlett · 17/10/2017 22:38

Also on his divorce he is not allowed in law simply to stop paying the spousal and child support to the first wife and child (presumably he was not THAT rich then as he did not have a clean break with her or does he just pay child support now nor spousal? ) Instead he has to go to court to apply for a variation of the current support orders and the court will then reach a decision. If instead he's just stopped he will have broken the law.

Also are you sure about all this? Get copies of evertying, accounts of all businesses, copies of his pension documents - if he's that much older he can cash his pensions in at age 55 by the way and if hwere really rich before he will have had loads of money put into his pension. Check if his ex wife has a pension sharing order on his pensions too.

Tiddlywinks63 · 17/10/2017 22:39

Karma.

Launderetta · 17/10/2017 22:49

Upsetmner
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, your labour & your new baby. I wish you peace & happiness for the future, no matter how much money is around you Flowers

PerfectlyDone · 17/10/2017 22:52

You need a better therapist.

DaisysStew · 17/10/2017 22:52

If he's claiming JSA, he's claiming it as part of a domestic partnership (you have to state your marital status at the time of claim) so she won't get IS.

Ah, I was single so I wasn't aware that it worked like that, I assumed either one or both would be eligible.

user1499333856 · 17/10/2017 22:53

Can't afford baby milk but posting about lack of sexual attraction. Right 'o.

My husband has been rich, poor, then rich again. I also worked two jobs at one stage. We did what we had to do.

Get off your backside and work. Perhaps now is the time for you to recall that marriage is a partnership - put some money in to the bank instead of withdrawing it.

He's yours now. Personally I'm delighted for the ex-wife who got out just in time.

Your post is appalling.

quizqueen · 17/10/2017 22:58

If all this happened more than 33 weeks ago then why did you get pregnant when you say you're now on benefits? That's irresponsible expecting the taxpayer to pick up your bills.

Viviennemary · 17/10/2017 23:00

Just find another rich man and your problems will be over. No point in losing any more sleep over this. You just aren't attracted to poor men. Or you could try making your own millions. That might prove even more difficult than finding a rich man.

SuperBeagle · 17/10/2017 23:01

So you've been losing money for 2.5 years, and you've not once contemplated getting a job yourself?

Yes, you're 33 weeks pregnant, but what about the rest of the time you were not pregnant?

confused123456 · 17/10/2017 23:04

I'm sorry but you are a gold digger. Plain and simple.

Ilovesliz · 17/10/2017 23:10
Gin
pigeondujour · 17/10/2017 23:16

Does anyone really think they make their life choices in some kind of vacuum where money doesn't come into it? How odd.

I do feel sorry for you, OP. You'll be okay.

EmilyReallyKnowsHerStuff · 17/10/2017 23:19

Hold on.

OP has already stated that this arrangement worked for her and her husband. He has a pretty young wife, they talk about it openly.

So if she's happy and he's happy and they both got married with their eyes open, who the fuck are you lot to judge? Karma for what, who is she hurting?

Maybe he'd be posting the same about her if she lost her looks. I wouldn't feel too sorry for him.

Rejectedwoman · 17/10/2017 23:19

My heart bleeds.... NOT

Hopefully he makes all his money back and then dumps your sorry arse!!!!!!

Wdigin2this · 17/10/2017 23:20

Well, aren't you a little sweetie? And what the hell were you doing getting pregnant, when your lives were going down the drain?

EmilyReallyKnowsHerStuff · 17/10/2017 23:21

This honestly might be one of the worst threads I've seen on here.

And that's saying something.

Dustbunny1900 · 17/10/2017 23:26

There are many SAHMs here who completely depend financially on their husbands. I sure as hell wouldn't depend on a man, even when pregnant, but the comments here are a BIT harsh. I think she realizes her mistake now

itshappening · 17/10/2017 23:29

I don't know why the ex wife has become a goodie on here, she may have been only interested in money too. I also don't blame the OP for getting pregnant if she was suffering multiple miscarriages. I guess the lesson here is, if you're going to marry for money, make sure the money is secure! The main thing that is odd for me is that you focus on the lack of attraction OP, with the pregnancy and your current situation as almost an afterthought. Mostly it would be presented the other way round. How old are you OP?

QuackPorridgeBacon · 17/10/2017 23:32

Some of you are truly awful. What karma if her and her husband both agreed to their arrangement? We all get into relationships with people for whatever reason why should anyone judge if both consenting adults are happy? The Op did work but stopped when her husband said she could and why not if they were both happy with that? He hasn’t been played and neither has she so what exactly is the issue and where is this “karma” coming from?