custody

[marinemike]

i just want a simple answer,Can my ex stop me seeing my child?

You make bizarre comparisons to your situation. Unless she’s doing any of those things then it means nothing.

gamerchick ,well how would i know what shes doing im not with her and if i were to try find out if she were doing those things,you know what that would mean?? that im a stalker or harrasing her.

She wanted you to come and help so she could get some sleep, not remove the child from her home. And the fact that she locked herself in her parents home shows that she more than likely is scared of you.

You are literally old enough to be this girls father - grow up and start trying to work with her rather than stamping your foot and demanding your own way. The person who suffers the most from animosity between parents is the child, please consider that.

You are literally old enough to be this girls father , so what if im twice her age,whats that got to do with anything.

It means one of you needs to be a grown up and that should be you. She’s 22 and likely has a fair bit of growing up to do.

It's irrelevant what you think should happen, you aren't going to get overnight contact of a young baby against the mother's wishes. Keep pushing it and talking about your rights and all you are going to do is alienate the woman you need to coparent with for the next 18 years.

I’m talking specifically about contact arrangements BTW. Regular overnight contact with the parent that is not the primary caregiver....

Would have thought that was rather obvious...

Larry, I think you need to go away and have a think about whether inflaming this situation any further in the OP’s mind is going to result in a good outcome for him and his child.

I would just hope that you'd be a little more mature/level headed at your age... clearly not.

But god forbid a Father wanting his child over night.

You have a newborn baby.

A newborn baby has no concept of itself as a person separate from it’s primary caregiver.

What possible benefit to your child do you believe staying overnight with you, without her primary caregiver, at 2 weeks old would confer?

This is what you will have to prove in court...

It is not about what you want. Parenting is not about what you want.

A newborn baby has no concept of itself as a person separate from it’s primary caregiver.

What possible benefit to your child do you believe staying overnight with you, without her primary caregiver, at 2 weeks old would confer?
SO just because she gave birth to the Our child makes her Primary caregiver??
well explain how a guy can do this as they cant give birth.

it is not about what you want. Parenting is not about what you want.No its not its whats best for the Child, and that is Both Parents, not just their mother.

Please be calm.
I have been through this with my sons father (he is now 16) and his dad was/ is in the army. Before you raise your capitals at me I am not lacking in sympathy but you need to understand you may well come off badly if you don’t chill out...
There is a big age gap. It goes Matter. Where you in the army?
Your child is not a package or something that can be boxed off. You need to plan your next move and be accommodating. Sometimes we carry on digging when it’s clearly better to stop. If she feels under attack she may completely withdraw from you.
Ask for medication. Don’t demand. Don’t bully. Be calm.

And please think about how alarmed you may well be making her.

This behaviour, the aggression, the rage...

For a woman who has, less than a month ago, given birth to a baby, endured pregnancy, delivery and now has a newborn at just 22...

The way you are coming across is frightening TBH.

And please think about how alarmed you may well be making her.

This behaviour, the aggression, the rage...

For a woman who has, less than a month ago, given birth to a baby, endured pregnancy, delivery and now has a newborn at just 22...

The way you are coming across is frightening TBH.

This is making my overies ache.

The baby knows its mum, shes been inside her for 9 months, she can recognise her smell, just by the smell of her mom it soothes her!

Your ex said you could have the baby overnight at her house which means you could of been there. Your baby would be in familiar surroundings and have her mom close by. Your ex would of got abit of sleep and you could do the night feeds and all that.
But because its not on your terms you have thrown your toys out the pram.

Giving birth is hard on your body and your emotional and mental state. She could develop PND still and anxiety if she is put into situations she isn't comfortable with.

You sound like a right arse OP, you need to maybe do abit of research on newborns and their mothers.

No, the fact you are at work makes her the primary caregiver.

There is zero evidence that what is best is both parents TBH. What the research says is broadly that responsive care from a consistent primary caregiver is important for attachment (development).

That caregiver could be a mother, father, nanny, grandparent... it doesn’t matter.

You being the primary caregiver is not on the cards is it? You work and you don’t have a stable relationship with the mother.

Offred,

I think you need to think hard about giving long detailed replies, ostensibly in the interest of the child and as if you had some expertise, whilst clearly advising against OP’s best interests.

OP, I think this should be left to a court to decide. They are made up of genuine experts who will make a sensible decision based on the best interests of your daughter.

If it ends up in court it will not be your doing that the ongoing co-parenting relationship is difficult. On the other hand, if you don’t go to court, there won’t be any co-parenting at all.

SO just because she gave birth to the Our child makes her Primary caregiver??

Correct.

well explain how a guy can do this as they cant give birth.

Obviously guys can't. So you have to wait till the child is developmentally ready.

Have a word with Mother Nature if you don't like it.

If you had studied this area, which I did very recently as part of the family law module I studied in my law degree (graduated last year) then you would see the research, academic commentary, legal cases etc that paint a very grim picture about the use of courts to resolve issues relating to children when parents are separated.

I’ve also been through court myself (no order made after 3 years of hearings that damaged my children because it was deemed vexatious)....

Encouraging the op to inflame things even further and think his demand to take a newborn away from their primary caregiver overnight is reasonable is really not doing him any favours.

larry are you for real?

The OP should be listening to Offred (or pretty much anyone else on this thread all trying to explain the same thing to him.)

The OP's "best interests" are not the priority in this situation.

marinemike what do you want from this thread please? Your replies are becoming increasingly goady and confrontational; the question was can the mother of your child stop you seeing her - you were given practical advice based on the reality of the situation and have chosen to take the fact that the reality, i.e. it being unsuitable for a newborn baby to be away from its mother at this stage, does not suit you.

Take your advice and back off of the women who are trying to offer objective advice.

take the fact out on posters*, that should say.

The vast vast majority of parents are able to resolve these issues without court.

The ones who end up in court are high conflict (one parent or both).

Court increases conflict further.

And guess what? Parental conflict is one of the most damaging things parents can inflict on a child

Offred,

I never claimed overnights were the correct solution but neither is zero contact. Babies do bond with their fathers in the womb by hearing their voices etc.

The court ought to make a sensible decision, which would not consist of overnights but would insist on regular contact.

The idea that fathers have no rights at all to see their babies and that those rights should not be enforced is clearly not in the interests of the children (who will not remain babies forever). What is your actual advice to the OP other than back off and wait while his partner bides her own sweet time to decide when (if ever) he can see his child again?

This is reflected in the court process in fact. The court will not make an order unless it is in the child’s best interests to do so.

No-one has said it is in the child’s best interests to have no contact with their father. No-one has said fathers are not important.

Your reading of this thread, if you have got that from it, is deeply and worryingly paranoid.

If my advice is not clear, I suggest you re read it.