custody

[marinemike]

i just want a simple answer,Can my ex stop me seeing my child?

You come across so well in your posts. I'm sure the court will agree

Simply that a newborn baby shouldn't be apart from its mother!! but it ok to be away from it father??

From a biological and legal sense yes that's exactly right. Ideally you'd both be with her but if you want it either you or her it has to be her mother whilst she is so small. Your ego aside this is fact. A little worrying why you can't see the reasons why!

You seem far more focused on your rights than the wellbeing of your baby.

Your baby needs you both, since you both care so much much about her. But right now as a tiny baby she physically needs her monther, it’s a biological fact. No it isn’t “fair” or equal, but your time to provide for your child emotionally will come. She only knows her mum and would be unhappy without her.

And yes it is more important for newborns to be with their mothers. Even the courts support that. You won't get overnight contact with a young baby.

Wow!!! Just wow! At last comment! Are you actually a child messing around? You are far too immature for children! Starting to understand why she has stopped you seeing child!

I am sorry if that was insulting! But you need to do what is best for baby. I am sure you are desperate to see baby. But honestly a night away from mum is far too much at 4 weeks! You need to change your focus! Focus on baby and her needs, not what you feel you need

Are you being deliberately obtuse ?

Have you read or understood any of what was referenced earlier about the first days of a babies life ? It was inside the mother only days ago. Obviously this is a totally different thing to a baby's relationship with its father.

If you really cannot understand this very basic thing then I am at a bit of a loss as to how to simplify it further.

You desperately need to calm down. I appreciate you are upset but this is not about you, it’s important to find a way to coparent your child together. Often that means both parents have to suck some things up and do what is best for the child. As soon as you go down a route of thinking ‘my child/house/contact’ you start creating friction that will only harm your relationship with your child.

Firstly, you were very unreasonable to think that having a baby with someone with whom you don’t have a stable relationship with would result in you having a lot of input straight away after the birth.

The baby being separated from the mother overnight at such a young age is definitely not in the child’s best interests.

Seeing the baby in small, very regular bursts is what is best though so it is good that you were doing that and a great shame that you have allowed this overnight issue to escalate to such a point that you are not seeing the baby at all.

If you are not comfortable with staying overnight with the mother and the baby then it is in the baby’s best interests that you wait until she is older for overnight contact.

Research tends to say not until the baby is 3 is best.

You being around so very often is likely to feel very intrusive to the mother if your relationship is not stable. I think you need to really appreciate that by allowing you to ‘spend every minute’ with the baby the mother is tolerating that intrusion to her cost purely for yours and your baby’s benefit.

I would not recommend that you jump straight into court as this is a last resort option which is only in the interests of the children of very high conflict individuals (who may need the protection).

Your relationship with your baby will not be damaged by a small break whilst she is newborn. Though I appreciate it may be upsetting for you.

I think you need to accept that it was wrong to push for overnights, take a break, apologise for pushing for it, give up on any possibility of the relationship between you two working out and then try to work out a proper schedule for you to see the baby (stick to it to reduce conflict) and if this becomes difficult try mediation.

You are not helping yourself at the moment with this high level of expressed emotion.

This is so much like my ex it's scary - almost identical in fact. You even write like he does with the whole caps thing to get your point across.

The baby is only 4 weeks old, no court in the land would give overnight access at this age. The baby won't even know they're a separate person from mum yet, to remove them without good cause (medical emergency/neglect etc) will only distress the baby.

You need to make this about the baby not you. Yes both parents have a right to a relationship with their child but you have to accept that for now the access will have to be a few hours here and there as baby is too young to be away from its main caregiver for an extended period.

If your ex is point blank refusing any access at all then take it to court. You'll get access but it's highly unlikely that it will be overnight for a few years yet.

And start paying maintenance- you can't demand all the privileges of being a father without taking on the responsibilities that come with it.

You must learn to relate to the mother of the child in a healthy and productive way.

If you go to court it will be years of high conflict which will damage your potential to coparent and it will not last forever, at some point you will have to learn to relate to each other without the court. Just after court your relationship will be irrevocably damaged.

You want to take a newborn away from her mother overnight? You are bonkers!

Why have you titled this thread "custody"? First, there's no such thing, it's residence. Second are you angling to take the baby from her permanently? If so, it is pretty understandable that she won't see or mediate with you.

I think you need to apologise to the Mum. If I were in your shoes I’d want to make this right, everyone including your child will lose unless you work together. Maybe you could see if the Mum would let you do a grocery shop and come round and watch baby while she has a bath and a nap? She needs looking after too and must be feeling so vulnerable. You need to show her you aren’t a threat.

I agree that going to court is counter productive at this stage. This doesn't sound like an obstructive mother- she put you on the birth cerificate despite having no obligation to do so and had been allowing you very frequent contact despite having just given birth. She is obviously upset at your demands which is completely understandable.

you know what your All right,Ill just be a father when it suits the mother.

It's about what suits the baby - you are blindly missing that fact. Think about your baby!!!!!!

You are talking about your baby as if it is an object and you have ownership.

Being a father is not owning your child.

Being a father is doing what is best for your child.

Out of interest how is the baby being fed?

But regardless, if you want to spend time with your baby donthat in a way that will support the mother.

At the end of the day you’ve frightened a 22 yr old new mother by wanting to take her baby away and no doubt you’ve told her you’re going for custody. Yes I’m assuming but the way you’re coming across in your posts is well unreasonable.

You’ve frightened her, the mother of your child. How does that feel?

You need to bloody apologise and reassure her you’re not going for custody or overnight alone access and you should concentrate on staying calm and let her recover from the birth without the fear you’re after her baby.

You’re 44. You’re not acting it!

Aw Mike, you should have stuck to the men’s sites. The mistake you have made is posting on a man hater place. You’ll always be in the wrong for wanting contact with your dd, if you defend yourself you’ll be accused of being a bully. Unless your daughter is being breast fed, I see no reason why you can’t have her. All this bull shit about the mother not being parted from the baby is ridiculous. It will be awful for her, but it’s awful for you too. Try again, plead with your ex. If that doesn’t work, then court it is.

Youvbe frightened her,the mother of the child!! well she wasnt so frighten when i went to her parents house where she was as she said i could,and when i got there she locked the door,stood in the window hoilding OUR baby laughting at me.

Offred,

It is laughable how what people say depend on their subconscious bias.

Research says ‘overnights are best left until after 3’?! So would you advise a mother not to leave a baby overnight until he/she is 3 years old in the interests of the child?

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge, she is bottle fed,that was the ONLY reason i asked to have her ass i knew had she of been on breast i wouldn never have ask,, and for thoses saying IM demanding ,the only 1 demanding was her for me to sleep with her at her house but when i refused, this is where i am.

larrygrylls ,your exaclty right, all those mothers that go out get pissed and night and leave children with baby sitter or family,But god forbid a Father wanting his child over night.