custody

[marinemike]

i just want a simple answer,Can my ex stop me seeing my child?

Anyway I suppose it is not important to go into details on here about your patterns...

What I mean is that things are very high conflict and tension ridden right now...

What you need to do is try to take tension out by being understanding, reasonable, sensible and accommodating but also, at the right time be assertive about seeing dd and the importance of you being in her life and her being able to form a bond with you and her brother.

It’s unfair if you are doing the above and the other person is intent on creating conflict and power struggles. It’s unfair and it is sad but it makes it even more important that you don’t get drawn into the conflict dynamic...

Offred thank you for doing such a good summary.

I don't think I can add much but i think allowing dust to settle is good advice. And OP will need to be the more mature reasonable one as he is older (much older and therefore expected to be much more mature) and hasn't just given birth.

Give it time OP. She has alot to deal with right now.

Your relationship with your baby dd I the long term won't be ruined because she isn't getting to see you for a little while. This is what she (dd) has a right to - a long term, stable and loving relationship with you. It won't affect her that it isn't happening right now.

I'm sorry that your relationship has ended at this time, and this means that you're not living with and having limited contact with your newborn. That is hard. i can understand too that it feels very unfair that your baby must stay with your ex because of biology, but courts care about not letting children be harmed, not about fairness to adults.

This is where no matter how hard for you, you put the needs of your newborn first over your needs. Separating a tiny baby from its mother is damaging. Short, frequent contact with a non resident parent works best for bonding, but it won't include overnights until the baby grows out of this first stage, and a court will not remove a baby from its mother and give it to you. Even if she was addicted and had significant parenting issues there would be lots of things tried to keep mother and baby together, including mother and baby units, because separation is so damaging to a baby.

Overnight contact will happen when she's old enough, this is time limited. For your baby's sake be careful now that she does not have to go through her first months with a stressed, pressured or postnatally depressed mother through your actions. It's clear you're very angry with your ex and not interested in her wellbeing, but to harm and stress the mother will damage your child.a

I wondered if it was worth bearing in mind that even Mums in prison are kept with their very young babies at this time (and for quite a long time?) for this very reason. That is what the baby needs.

You sound a delight why would you want to take a newborn away from their mother. They could still be establishing breastfeeding or recovering from a hard labour.

its read the thread.
She obviously isn't recovering from a hard labour if she can go out drinking, but yet refuses the father too have the baby.
Nor is she breast feeding.

Kungfu sorry if I misunderstood - but I based my comment on the court being 'unable to stop someone standing at a window, laughing', on your post which said, "A court order will stop your ex dictating and being cruel like standing at the window with child laughing." So if you didn't mean that, I think it's forgivable of me to make that mistake :)

A court order - and I say again this is a last resort, and only used when the adults in the situation are unable to reach an agreement which they trust each other to stick to - only rules on adult behaviour in so far as it impacts on the child/ren.

As another example, the court would not order the mother not to go clubbing, as long as proper care was in place for the baby.

tiktok I get where you are coming from. I was meaning them kind of actions wouldn't impress a judge and would more than likely get a telling off, hopefully stopping her from acting like that.

I think why he mentioned the clubbing was the fact he wasn't allowed their own child, but somebody else had their child whilst she went out. Which would upset most people in his situation.

No kungfu but the mother might of been just so happens in this instance she wasnt

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 -I think why he mentioned the clubbing was the fact he wasn't allowed their own child, but somebody else had their child whilst she went out. Which would upset most people in his situation.
You hit the nail on the heads, but its Really funny how ALL commentors on here are giving me grief for asking for my daughter over night, Yet its acceplabe for mother of 3 week old baby to go out clubbing,You all make me laugh so much.

I'm sure we will all be able to spot you on the Jeremy Kyle show when you do your stint on it

its So your point wasn't relevant then.
You can't just throw imaginary what ifs into the situation.

MarineMike
It's like I said earlier, maybe post on another site where you well get advice and not a verbal battering or insults thrown at you for wanting advice and guidance.
Mumsnet isn't normally like this.

are you on the birth certficate

its Really funny how ALL commentors on here are giving me grief for asking for my daughter over night, Yet its acceplabe for mother of 3 week old baby to go out clubbing,You all make me laugh so much.

Sigh.

'Grief' = explaining to you why the law of the land you live in will not allow it, + expecting that you would care about what your child needs.

Clearly you don't.

You've been given advice in many cases much more tactfully than your behaviour here has deserved, and it's the same advice you'll get from a solicitor and a judge. I can't be bothered with your tantrums and rudeness any further.

What's the need in name calling, really?

I don't see him picking on anyone, I see him reacting.

kungfu my post is just as valid as any of yours. My post was in my view an acceptable one to make as some mothers would be in those situations although from ops posts the mother in question wasnt. And i had read the full thread before i posted

Ok to say it in a way that won't be deleted because obviously people are offended at being allegedly called something

I think marine is coming across as an aggressive bully. And I think he is coming across as someone who lacks the insight to really sit and think about the consequences of his life choices and how he behaves within his relationship (even if they are seperated they still have to have a relationship)

As I said. See you on JK