custody

[marinemike]

i just want a simple answer,Can my ex stop me seeing my child?

A new mother isn't going to want to be away from her newborn so you could have a night alone with them. No court would give you overnight contact at this stage either. It sounds like things were going well but some of the trust was destroyed when you asked for what she saw as an unreasonable demand.

'All I wanted was a night alone with my daughter'. Your 11 year old? YABU to leave your partner alone with a 2 week old baby. A night alone with your 2 week old? Somethingis really wrong with you.

Whoa, hang on.

Your older child is a son? Therefore this:

I Wanted a night alone wiht my daughter and jsut becuse i didnt want to spend the nigt with ex she stopped me seeing OUR child.

• translates as you wanting to take a 4-week old baby from her mother, possibly overnight?

Then that is your problem right there - both legally, and in every possible logical, practical and emotional sense.

Yes you have a right to have a relationship with your child.
However, there is NO WAY a court will order that a mother and baby should be separated at all, for any length of time. The most that is likely is that she would be required to allow you access several times a week for an hour or so, with her present. IT'S A TINY BABY. They need their mothers, it is in their absolute best interests not to be separated and that will be the case for some time. Overnights are a long way off indeed!

If this is what has happened, then not only was she right to refuse you but you've done yourself no favours acting so aggressively when she has just given birth. You risk coming across really badly in court. 4 weeks post partum she won't be obliged to go anywhere, much less mediation!

You are likely to have more, better, and more stable contact with your daughter by changing tack. Remember - it isn't actually in your daughter's interests to be away from her mother right now, at all. Do you like the idea of your daughter being distressed so that you can 'win'? Hopefully not, so try thinking about this from another perspective. Be onside. Offer help and support. But absolutely back off from the 'It's MINE too' approach with a mother and her new baby. That will not end well, in court or out of it.

Yeah i don't think I would have wanted to be parted from my newborn at that age. You miss them when they're asleep in their basket in the same room at that age.

Yeah i don't think I would have wanted to be parted from my newborn at that age. You miss them when they're asleep in their basket in the same room at that age.

Then you need to see a solicitor and begin proceedings to work out maintenance and residency/access issues.

She's likely immature and expected things you weren't willing to give (like marriage) but your child deserves to have a relationship with you, as well as your financial contributions. As other posters have said, one has nothing to do with the other. If you are unable to give a contribution to your ex, save the money up. It will look well for you down the line when a judgement is made.

Are there any 'third parties' who may be able to appeal to her 'better nature' on your behalf? Her family? Mutual friends?

The only thing you may want to think about (and I'm not saying you are guilty) is whether or not you said or did anything to make her think you were thinking of marriage (even at a future date), even if that was being silent when she mentioned it.

I'm confused. You say you have an 11 year old son 'already' as well as the new baby. Later you mention your 'first and second child'. Yet you say you wanted a night alone with your daughterand that's what precipitated this blowup. Is this daughter a third child or is this daughter the new baby?

Fizzy the baby was only 2 weeks when he wanted her alone overnight if I've read it correctly which is even worse.

That is a shocking post AcrossthePond

So to sum up (from an outside perspective) ... You wanted to remove your four week old infant daughter from her (most likely exhausted and physically damaged from birth process) 22 year old mother overnight and when she said no, because she's not comfortable with that...and then this ends with her denying access to her (the mother as well as the child) You demanded she attends mediation and when at four weeks post partum she reasonably said no (in some circumstances women can't medically be cleared to drive at this stage and furthermore the six weeks health check for the mother hasn't occurred yet) you are now threatening court legal action and serving legal papers... You sound like a bully. From an outside perspective based on your own words of your side of the narrative...

ok its reasonably acceptable for a father of a child to not be with the child , but its not for a mother?? yet had i walked away from her when she was pregnat, id have been all the names under the son,do you know as a woman,what its like for a man to NEVER experience carrying a child giving birth to a child,it is something a man could never have.
Sistersofmercy101 a bully?NO IM JUST A FATHER THAT WANTED TO BE WITH HIS CHILD.

I've reported you for MN to take a look.

It's unreasonable to want to take away a 4 week old baby overnight. When the child is older, it won't be, but right now, it's not fair on the baby.

The 'baby' was 2 weeks old.

Mike, an ex can't stop you seeing your child but you need to be reasonable.

She's only 22 and just given birth.Can you not see that asking for an overnight solo is not reasonable at this stage?

Try to see it from her perspective and you will get a solution.

I think taking court action at this stage is an over reaction .

You might be in panic but if you calm down and be reasonable you are more likely to get agreement.
Trying to force a new mum into something that works for you is not good for her or the baby.

FizzyGreenWater your comment -However, there is NO WAY a court will order that a mother and baby should be separated at all, for any length of time.
so whjat if the mother was unfit, drink or drug, and social services were involed, woud court say SORRY BUT WE CANT TAKE CHILD AWAY THEN.no they clearly would take child at any age.

Ok, I can totally see why she is trying to keep you away.

Back off - you sound like an aggressive bully.

Yes, it's totally acceptable for a father to be prevented from taking a newborn from its mother. Yes. Absolutely. And a court will tell you that.

The newborn stage is often called the 'fourth trimester'. At this stage, the baby is so new and helpless that all it's really aware of is the smell and view of its mother, of milk - and that's about it. They are programmed to get distressed if away from their mothers for too long. It's good practice for mother and baby to be together as much as possible, to build good attachment, to make the baby feel safe and secure. Every study under the sun supports this and no court will ever support a domineering father wanting to muscle in on those early days if he's not supporting the mother too, and is trusted by her. You will be kept at a safe arm's length, and more so if you come across as you do here - as aggressive and nasty.

That whether you like it or not is the best option for your daughter and the court is there to act in HER best interests, not yours.

Once again, back off. You are in the wrong.

Oh for goodness sake.

I'm very obviously referring to your situation. A perfectly capable new mother whose only problem appears to be an aggressive harassing ex.

Yes, any parent who is unfit, drugged, drunk - yes of course they would remove the child. Which you well know.

What a pointless post. However it continues to illustrate your personality well, so serves some purpose.

You seriously think it's acceptable to have a 2 week old baby away from its mother overnight ?

2 weeks ago the baby was still a part of her.

You sound unhinged OP. I'd want to keep you at a distance too.

This makes me so uncomfortable, thinking of a tiny baby distressed that she wasn't with her mother. You seem to be viewing the responses here to be biased as we are women defending another woman but please believe that a court would not allow overnight access away from the mother. Why couldn't you stay the night with the ex too so that you could see the baby but still with her mother? Please do not push for this in order to 'win' your own battle, this really is not good for your baby: she needs her mother.

.SHE NEEDS HER MOTHER ,BUT NO NEED FOR FATHER, and you wonder why so many Fathers walk away or kill them self.

Nobody is saying that you are now surplus to requirement and of course (if you aren't causing problems) you are entitled to have a relationship with the baby but whether you like it or not a newborn needs her mother and should not be separated from her unnecessarily.

No rational comment from you to the points raised here ?

No one is suggesting a baby doesn't need its father. Simply that a newborn baby shouldn't be apart from its mother

Typing in capitals is the equivalent of shouting. Do you shout a lot in real life?