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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

custody

260 replies

marinemike · 12/10/2017 16:11

i just want a simple answer,Can my ex stop me seeing my child?

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 13/10/2017 16:55

OP you have been given really good advice in a very sensitive way by almost everyone.

You don't want to go on a site where people will just agree with you as it won't help you.

Perhaps speak to a solicitor if you want as they can explain the law and you might accept it from them.

People are trying to help you to be the best father for your dd and it's sad you aren't listening and are calling them biased.

This really hadn't been a man bashing or sexist thread.

loveyoutothemoon · 13/10/2017 17:15

I went out to get drunk when my baby was 3 weeks old....just saying.

Offred · 13/10/2017 17:16

I also see him reacting too Kung fu but ‘just reacting’ is not going to help this situation. It is calm, well reasoned behaviour.

DaisysStew · 13/10/2017 17:30

The thing is OP this whole thread has been a drip feed and it feels like you weren't getting the responses you'd like so you threw out the "she's been out clubbing" in order to gain sympathy. You were raging last night and trying to defend your actions so why only mention it today? It seems less like you want advice and more like you want us all to say what an awful mother she is and how badly you've been treated.

The bottom line is she isn't going to let you take the baby overnight. You need to talk to her (talk, not SHOUT and lay down your demands) and try and sort out fair access. If you get nowhere with that then it's mediation or court (as you've been advised several dozen times).

Offred · 13/10/2017 17:42

And re the going out thing, you’d just dumped her over her not wanting you to take the baby overnight at 2 weeks. I can understand why she would prefer the baby to be looked after by someone else as it would be reasonable for someone to infer from that that you didn’t really know how to prioritise the baby.

She may have done it out of spite but it is infinitely preferable to acknowledge that it could be because your own actions had spooked her re the baby’s welfare.

tiktok · 13/10/2017 17:46

KungFu the judge will not tell the mother off for standing at the window laughing. That's not what the family court is about. The judge does not tell parents off in that way.

The mother has been pictured on Facebook clubbing.

We know no details. She may have been home by midnight, thus not leaving the baby overnight with anyone. We don't know. We do know that the mother did not want her baby's father in sole charge of her baby overnight. This is reasonable and understandable - mothers of tiny babies are expected and supported to make a judgment in this way, and it's quite separate from whether the OP comes across as charming, even-tempered and patient when things don't go his way, or not.

It's been explained that if it came to court, the needs of the baby would be paramount, and overnight stays with the father would be something not demanded by the father, but worked towards over time, in line with what the baby's development would allow.

It's ridiculous to argue that because the mother arranged babysitters to enable her to have a night out, the baby's father should be 'allowed' to have sole charge in his home overnight. That's not how it works, and a good thing, too. A father showing resentment and irritation at this is not demonstrating any understanding or patience....just possessiveness and peevishness. Not good. And while the judge will not tell him off for this, it would certainly be noted.

Waytroze · 13/10/2017 20:03

To quote Margaret Atwood:
"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."

Worriedrose · 13/10/2017 20:29

@Waytroze

Great quote

Hebenon · 13/10/2017 20:30

Who looked after the baby while the mother was out? Was it the grandparents? The baby has been living with them from birth and presumably they know the baby well and the baby knows them. This seems OK to me.

wannabestressfree · 13/10/2017 21:08

@Waytroze what an amazing quote.
When I had ds2 his father was/ is a dominant bullish type who TOLD me what would be happening. I was desperate for them to have a relationship and sacrificed my feelings of safety.
He came home to see his three week old son and sat opposite me cool as a cucumber and said ‘ I could just kill you and no one would care’
At that point in my life he was probably right. I went through so much and I was just a kid really. He very rarely bothers now- ds is 16 and has got the measure of him. I never said anything negative about him and allowed him open access. He would disappear for months then pop back up again. He has openly admitted its only because ds is his only son- he has four daughters with the woman he was cheating with and went on to marry.
He did some awful things- if I listed them you would accuse me of ‘trip trap’ even I struggle to equate them with me as a person now. I was stuck in hell.

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