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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend strangled me

158 replies

namechange1224 · 09/10/2017 20:53

On Saturday night. We were both drunk. I threw a photo frame, small cactus plant on the floor and the sand went everywhere.

I was in the kitchen and he held me by my throat. Dragged me on the floor, my legs are all bruised.

I forgave him because he hasn’t done anything like it for ages and he was sorry. He wanted to know what he could do because we have these huge rows. They escalate from nowhere.

We properly made friends and I tidied up the mess I had made (luckily nothing was broken) - as it wasn’t just him, I had provoked him tbh

Come in from work today and he’s just acted like an arse. He shows no remorse. Huge row. I made his dinner, whilst he exercised and had a shower etc. He says I need help, which I probably do, but I just find it strange how he knows I’m not right but can sit and eat the dinner I made for him and watch tv whilst I cry upstairs??

I came down and said we need to talk, he just says I’m crazy, that the weekend is nothing to do with this. I just feel like he should be trying to make amends. and that strangling someone isn’t something that can be swept under the carpet.

I don’t know. Maybe I am crazy, he says I’m high maintenance but I just want a bit of respect

OP posts:
WineGummyBear · 09/10/2017 20:56

Can't read and run. I don't know much about this but I really think you should contact woman's aid asap.

cheminotte · 09/10/2017 20:56

Really sorry to hear this happened. He is right, you need help. Help to escape him that is. Him strangling you is a very bad sign. Please ring women's aid 0800 2000 247 .

Proseccoisthenewlambrini · 09/10/2017 20:57

Please get away from him, I don’t care what you did, he strangled you!!!! He is dangerous and it’s escalating.

Timmytoo · 09/10/2017 20:57

You won’t get respect from a guy who gets away with abusing you and you still do everything for him in the process. He knows he can get away with treating you badly. Please leave him if possible as it will escalate from here.

martellandginger · 09/10/2017 20:59

I would get out. If reading these threads over the years has taught me anything it’s that these men don’t change. It’s likely to get worse. But it definitely won’t get better.

glenthebattleostrich · 09/10/2017 20:59

Hasn't done anything like strangle you for ages? So this isn't the first time he's been violent? Love you need to get rid.

SolemnlyFarts · 09/10/2017 21:00

Get out now. Strangling is the strongest indicator that you are about to be killed - research has found that men who choked their partners were 10 times more likely to eventually kill .

Just get out. He has no respect for you and will not gain any.

RunningOutOfCharge · 09/10/2017 21:00

Moving straight to strangulation from zero is a red flag with women’s aid

You need to get out and fast

Don’t sweep it under the carpet again. Your life is in danger

PricklyBall · 09/10/2017 21:00

You need to get out, asap. Strangling is a huge marker (one the police take incredibly seriously) for men who escalate to murdering their partners. And your casual "he hasn't done anything like this for ages" is chilling - so he's repeatedly assaulted you? Please phone women's aid as soon as it's safe to do so, and start making plans to get out.

LewisThere · 09/10/2017 21:00

He is physically abusive and has tried to strangle you.
You need to get out NOW.
You also need to report it to the Police. There is never ever a reason where it's OK for someone to act like this. You didn't do anything 'to provoque' him. This is not your fault.

If you had any doubt about it, see the way he is treating you now!

Is there anywhere you can go when you leave? Can you pack your bags tomorrow morning and just go?

Garlicansapphire · 09/10/2017 21:00

He is not a good man and there is nothing but woe and danger here for you. He is blaming you for his crime. Get out now - please OP!

Wherearemymarbles · 09/10/2017 21:00

'Hasnt done anything like this in ages'

Thats alright then!

You need to leave. Its that simple.

Sophiaeleanormay · 09/10/2017 21:00

Strangling is pretty serious. Obviously, all instances of domestic abuse are, but strangling and choking are very high on the "get the hell away" charts Hmm

You seem to infer this has happened before?

Flisspaps · 09/10/2017 21:01

If you don’t get out, you’ll be carried out of there in a body bag.

Please, please, please contact Women’s Aid and/or the police ❤️

MrsKCastle · 09/10/2017 21:01

Strangling is a huge red flag and likely to lead on to further violence. You say he hasn't done anything like it 'for ages' but you don't sound too shocked, he has form. Please do call Women's aid, you deserve so much better.

Monkeyinshoes · 09/10/2017 21:01

You are not crazy. You did not provoke him. He is responsible for his own actions and he chooses to be violent. There's nothing you have done to deserve this. He is abusive and gaslighting you, this will not change. The only help you need is help getting away from him.

Wolfiefan · 09/10/2017 21:01

You mean ex boyfriend. This is a toxic and potentially deadly relationship. "Hasn't done anything like that for ages" You do need help. To get out before he kills you. Leave.

MeriReu · 09/10/2017 21:04

My ex strangled me twice in our relationship (a very very abusive relationship)
I forgave him time after time, attack after attack because he said 'sorry'. That word means absolutely nothing to people like this.
The second time he strangled me he very nearly killed me.

Get out. It will get worse.

AdalindSchade · 09/10/2017 21:05

He doesn’t respect you and he isn’t sorry. How many times does he get to treat you
Like this?

nutnerk · 09/10/2017 21:07

Leave now before he puts you in hospital - I can't understand why you would put up with this??

Razorboy · 09/10/2017 21:07

OP, trust me when I say

He WILL do it again. My ex always cried and said sorry. Until the next time.

Once a violent man, always a violent man.

Do not gloss over this. Get out before he does worse

AlternativeTentacle · 09/10/2017 21:09

I forgave him because he hasn’t done anything like it for ages and he was sorry. He wanted to know what he could do because we have these huge rows. They escalate from nowhere.

What he could do is fuck off. But he won't, they never do. Which means you have to be the one to get the fuck out of there.

NashvilleQueen · 09/10/2017 21:11

The police would take this seriously OP. Please don't ignore it and take some action to make sure you are safe and away from this man.

waryandbored · 09/10/2017 21:12

This is so similar to a situation I was in last year. You need to get away from him now. It will only escalate and you will always believe that you provoked him or made it worse. I wish I’d got away before it got as bad as it did but he was in control. Please listen to people on here and get out.

HighwayChile · 09/10/2017 21:12

Please please speak to someone in RL for advice OP. Women’s Aid are a good call.

Strangulation is extreme and considered as high risk domestic violence. As other posters have indicated, your life could be at risk.

I have been through similar and didn’t completely see the severity of it until it escalated dramatically. My ex showed no remorse either.

You absolutely do not deserve to be treated like that Flowers

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