Boyfriend strangled me

[namechange1224]

On Saturday night. We were both drunk. I threw a photo frame, small cactus plant on the floor and the sand went everywhere.

I was in the kitchen and he held me by my throat. Dragged me on the floor, my legs are all bruised.

I forgave him because he hasn’t done anything like it for ages and he was sorry. He wanted to know what he could do because we have these huge rows. They escalate from nowhere.

We properly made friends and I tidied up the mess I had made (luckily nothing was broken) - as it wasn’t just him, I had provoked him tbh

Come in from work today and he’s just acted like an arse. He shows no remorse. Huge row. I made his dinner, whilst he exercised and had a shower etc. He says I need help, which I probably do, but I just find it strange how he knows I’m not right but can sit and eat the dinner I made for him and watch tv whilst I cry upstairs??

I came down and said we need to talk, he just says I’m crazy, that the weekend is nothing to do with this. I just feel like he should be trying to make amends. and that strangling someone isn’t something that can be swept under the carpet.

I don’t know. Maybe I am crazy, he says I’m high maintenance but I just want a bit of respect

I have spent many years working in the field of domestic violence. You would be considered very high risk of homicide. This is not love this is abuse. Its not your fault, you did nothing to cause it, this man choose to abuse you. He doesnt have an anger problem he has a women problem. He will never respect you and this will only get worse. Please pack a bag with all our belongings and leave. Get help and support from Womens Aid. You will be allocated and IDVA who will help you to stay away and keep safe. I repeat- his abuse is a choice. He doesnt beat up his boss when he loses his temper.

Adding mine to all the voices on this thread saying leave him now before he seriously hurts you or worse.

Nobody should be treated like then.

He says it wasn’t strangling he just put his hand round my throat

That’s as bad

He’s done so much for me in our relationship. I think I’m just high maintenance.

And I do have mental health issues

So what’s the plan op?

Please leave this relationship

He's physically abusive and it will just get worse

You felt it was strangling, that's enough

Listen to the posters here!

You both sound toxic. Just leave the relationship.

He's already minimising what he did. This won't be the only time he hurts you. Please make sure it's the last.

Just what are you waiting for? Him to murder you next time?
Ffs op, WAKE UP,

I bet your mental health issues would be an awful lot easier to bear if you were single.

Will never understand why people stay in relationships like this however I was in the same situation with my sons dad.

I eventually left it's exhausting and draining! Just leave it won't work out anyway it never does.

I have posted before and I know in some respects we’re not right for eachother.

But we do love eachother. I have a lot of issues including self harm. I used to do it every day but done in 4-5times since I met my boyfriend. He hates it.

He says he loves me but just doesn’t show it

It's pretty handy that he has chosen to be in a relationship with someone with mental health issues. It means he can can blame you and you MH every time he decides to abuse you, and you'll believe him.

Do you live with him? Can you easily extricate yourself from him? I echo everything all the other pps have said - leave now. Get advice from Women's Aid. Protect yourself. He'll not let you end it without a fight.

I think the main problem is just me.

Mainly posting because I need to work out how I can make myself an easier person to live with.

We do live together and wouldn’t be that hard to move out although it would be a huge change. He’s my first proper boyfriend and I moved from abroad to live with him

Moved back* from living abroad

The problem is not you. You can’t control his behaviour.

OP going for your throat is a massive red flag, please speak to someone in rl about this. If you feel you can't yet then contact women's aid, have a chat with them, and see if you feel you would like to access some support.

Nobody is going to give you advice about how to make yourself easier to live with, because it would be highly inappropriate. There is just one option for a happy ending here OP, and that is you ending the relationship. I know you love him and that it will hurt, but the life you are living is miserable anyway and the relationship NEVER get better. You can tie yourself up in knots trying to please him but you never will. Just go, so you don’t have to waste any more of the one life you have.

"I think the main problem is just me".

No, your main problem is him. You are at high risk of being on the receiving end of his violent behaviours again and next time the outcome for you could be far worse. You could all too easily now end up in the hospital or even morgue now at his hands. He really did target you to have a relationship with because of your MH issues. He uses that against you so has you thinking this is all your fault and that you are hard to live with. He is truly the lowest of the low to do this to you.

Remember also that the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE. He has already crossed that line.

You state it won't be that hard to move out; do so and asap.

Womens Aid are worth talking with and can help you also.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up; what example did your parents set you?.

Stop making excuses and trivialising what he has done.

Stop bigging up a relationship that is in reality shit.

Good men don’t behave like this. I know of some awful men but they were never as bad as your man.

Contact Womens Aid and get support and advice.
Violence plus strangulation is a red flag for an individual who is a high risk for further abuse and murder.
www.abc.net.au/news/2016-03-08/non-lethal-strangulation-red-flag-for-domestic-violence-homicide/7223564

OP this is a court case that made the news today. www.thejournal.ie/danny-keena-murdrer-3637375-Oct2017/
This man had a history of abuse, he strangled his wife at least once before he subsequently strangled her to death with his own hands.
This is not normal behaviour. It is very, very scary and you need to get yourself out of this situation immediately.
Even if you provoked the argument, that is not a healthy or reasonable way to respond. Even if you are high maintenance, your life should never be put in danger. And I'm not saying that you are high maintenance, I don't know that.

But you are not the problem. He is. This relationship is toxic and dangerous and you need out. Please seek support tonight.