Boyfriend strangled me

[namechange1224]

On Saturday night. We were both drunk. I threw a photo frame, small cactus plant on the floor and the sand went everywhere.

I was in the kitchen and he held me by my throat. Dragged me on the floor, my legs are all bruised.

I forgave him because he hasn’t done anything like it for ages and he was sorry. He wanted to know what he could do because we have these huge rows. They escalate from nowhere.

We properly made friends and I tidied up the mess I had made (luckily nothing was broken) - as it wasn’t just him, I had provoked him tbh

Come in from work today and he’s just acted like an arse. He shows no remorse. Huge row. I made his dinner, whilst he exercised and had a shower etc. He says I need help, which I probably do, but I just find it strange how he knows I’m not right but can sit and eat the dinner I made for him and watch tv whilst I cry upstairs??

I came down and said we need to talk, he just says I’m crazy, that the weekend is nothing to do with this. I just feel like he should be trying to make amends. and that strangling someone isn’t something that can be swept under the carpet.

I don’t know. Maybe I am crazy, he says I’m high maintenance but I just want a bit of respect

that it's all your fault.

Hi op. Strangulation or putting hands around throats is really high risk and its not uncommon for people to restrict air flow without meaning to when done in anger.

It's really dangerous.

However you see yourself and regardless of what you do or how you are to live with etc...no one deserves to be treated like that and have their life put at risk by their life partner.

I'd suggest that your mental health is unlikely to improve while you're with someone who can cause you to be afraid, physically harm you, be dismissive when you're upset, and make you feel like you're the reason he's acting like he is and that it's your fault. That cannot be good for your emotional wellbeing

OP. It's pretty rare to meet an abusive person who isn't capable of being 'nice'.

When you read about wives/families killed in the news it's nearly always met with shock/disbelief by neighbours- because the perpetrator does not fit the 'monster' idea in their head.

As I mentioned before he's 'rescuing' you (roof over head etc) He'll also destroy you, given long enough, mentally/physically or both.

You are worth more than this.

The only person you can rely on is yourself.

Get out and away.

As a human being, you are wonderful, and you are worthy. Everybody has flaws, but everybody deserves life and a chance of happiness.

Don't take anymore of this from him. You know, deep down, that you deserve better.

My ex (who was a bit erratic but never showed any major violent behaviour while we were together) caught me by the throat when drunk one night. We broke up. 1 year later he seriously assaulted a taxi driver. 2 years later he strangled a poor woman he had met that night to death

that's awful Allegra

You can leave this relationship. It's honestly not going to get better. I was once strangled by my boyfriend and kicked in the stomach when pregnant with his child. It was the last time he ever saw me and that child is now 22.
You might have some problems .. don't we all but the fact that he is minimiding and not taking any sort of responsibility shows a lot.
There is help out there is you take it.
I would though say if you make that decision do not tell him, statistics show that when an abusive partner thinks you are leaving it is the most risky time for more violence.

Sorry for the terrible spelling!

Last night he called the police because I broke the lamp and I was threatening to self harm.

They said they could arrest me.

I didn’t say anything about the strangling but I have to go down to the police station sometime this week.

He is now manipulating events in the hope you will continue to tolerate his abuse.

What is stopping you leaving? His behaviour is abusive, he is a horrid man.

If he came home from work and was upset because he lost a contract, or messed up an order or spilt paint all over the carpet and his boss, who recently promoted him, put his hands round his neck and gently squeezed. Would you tell him he was a good boss who gave him a promotion and to go back the next day? Or would you tell him to go to the police.

You will NOT change him. He will always blame you.

You need counselling, at the very least, to find out why you are prepared to tolerate this behaviour.

Get out today.

In lreland at the moment there is quite a high profile murder case in the news where the husband strangled his wife. He defended himself saying she provoked him. But yesterday he was found guilty of murder. The evidence showed this was not the first time he had her around the throat but that time she died. Please please get out now before you end up like that poor woman. You escaped this time but this will happen again. Please take extra as you get away from him.
He has no idea of the serioysness of his action as he is prepared to involve the police and not worry he will be in trouble himself. Tell them.

Echoing what others have said. This won't get any better.

Please take care of yourself and get out.

Sounds like a toxic relationship and way too dramatic - throwing things. drink, rows.

as it wasn’t just him, I had provoked him tbh
He's blaming you for his hebaiour.

he hasn’t done anything like it for ages
What, he hasn't been violent for ages? The only acceptable level of violence in a relationship is none.

he says I’m high maintenance
Maybe you are. It doesn't excuse him strangling you.

You need to leave before he seriously hurts you. Look up the Freedom Programme - www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/ - so you can reset your expectations of relationships and set the bar higher next time.

He’s not going to kill me. He’s not the character he hates he sound like

He is kind he is caring, loving

I just will never understand why he rang the police. I think I slept about 20minutes last night. I’m in works car park

Why, after everything HE did this weekend did he ring the police for a lamp and me having sharp objects

He said last night ‘you’ve done this’

How can I be to blame for everything that ever happens wrong in his/our lives

He said why do you keep bringing up the weekend.

He didn’t seem to understand why it was a big deal. He makes me feel crazy sometimes. Like I imagine full situations and the order of things.

Sometimes he goes over and over and over a situation re-enacting it to me and saying ‘you said this’ then ‘I said that’

But none of it’s true. It’s all a twisted version of events that’s not the same in my head. I know I have mental health problems anyway but sometimes he makes me feel like I’ve literally lost the plot

How a version of events can be so different to how I saw it.

I’m in the car park. Should have started 5minutes ago. I just feel so hopeless.

And we have a tiny cat.

How am I going to get through today

Tell the police,take photos and please get out

He does all these things because he's abusive and he's gaslighting you. He might say he love you but look at his actions - they're not showing you he loves you. Quite the opposite.

OP, do you have anywhere you can go to get away from him? Stay with a friend?

He's gaslighting you OP, telling you a version of events he's made up to suit himself and twisting your mind so much you're not sure what's true anymore. He's not only physically abusive, that's mental/emotional abuse too.

I'm sure he can be nice, all abusers can because otherwise why would you stay but

He went to the police because he knows exactly what he did, he knows it's a huge deal, and he is getting his retaliation in first.

He does not love you.

Tell the police everything. Show them your bruises. Get out, please.