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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Went on a date and I'm not sure if he likes me?

192 replies

gaynor83 · 09/10/2017 10:50

We have been communicating for quite a while via Facebook and decided to meet.
I went to visit him and meet for drinks. We seemed to get along really well and the conversation flowed.we did kiss and there seemed to be an attraction. He suggested that we spend the following day together too. We ended up having a nice day, he cooked for me. When I left we hugged and it was slightly awkward I wasn't sure what to do. But it seemed ok.
When I got home I texted to say thank you for the date and I had a good time.
His reply came this morning, he said "Glad you had a good time and got back safely. I am knackered too. You are welcome and were a good guest. Glad we met x
What do you make of that?
I'm not sure if he is keen or not and it seems not to need a response. ?

OP posts:
Nettletheelf · 10/10/2017 16:58

Don't text him or message him again.

I can't believe that some people are telling you off for being too non-committal or not warm enough in your last text! You went above and beyond.

Here's my reading of the situation (no doubt many posters will disagree):

You meet him for a date, you get on well, you have a snog.

He asks to see you the next day, then when you left you describe it as being 'slightly awkward' and he hugs, rather than kisses, you.

I'd say that on the second date he decided that you weren't really for him. His loss!

Some men are just like that. They have a fixed idea of what they want, try to see you all the time at the start of the relationship, and if you don't tick the boxes, they lose interest quickly. That's why it's best to space the dates out, in my view, but I digress. Some women, me included, would have left it there after the second date and thought, well, if he's interested he'll get in touch, on with the search!

You texted him to thank him, which was nice if, in my view, unnecessary. The truth is, if he'd been keen, he'd have texted you back that night. Instead, he waited until the next day and sent you a non-committal message. 'Glad we met' is a brush off.

You text him again, encouraged by posters on this thread. He doesn't respond. That tells you all you need to know.

This isn't your fault. It doesn't mean that you are unattractive. It just wasn't meant to be., and better to find out now than later. Plenty of men will think you are lovely. Just keep your distance a bit next time. Good luck.

futuremrsconnor85 · 10/10/2017 16:58

I think it's fine to start the messaging twice in a row but not more than that. If you do message again I'd try to avoid any ambiguity. Suggest another date more directly and his response will tell all. If he seems keen great, if not, at least you'll know.

SparklyMagpie · 10/10/2017 17:00

Do not text and ask him, the ball is in his court now.

I'm hoping he does message back OP, but if not it unfortunately wasn't meant to be and you can start a new adventure.

I know the feeling :(

KityGlitr · 10/10/2017 17:02

Christ no, don't chase him by messaging again. Do you really want a guy so wet he will only drum up the courage to ask you out again if you spell it out in bright red letters? Your reply made it clear you'd be open to another invite and trust me, an interested man would ask you out anyway if he liked you enough whatever you texted him back. He's just not that into you so keep your dignity and move on. If he does get in touch you can decide then.

category12 · 10/10/2017 17:02

She does know, there's no doubt here. He would have replied to her text if he was remotely interested. "Glad we met" was the the polite brush-off.

Sierra259 · 10/10/2017 17:15

Don't text him any more. You've made it clear you'd be happy to see him again. It's up to him now, though tbh if you've heard nothing for 2 days, it's probably not hopeful unfortunately Sad This bit of dating really sucks.

Annabelle4 · 10/10/2017 17:36

Oh no, absolutely don't text, message, or 'like' anything, unless he gets in touch with you first obviously.

Waytroze · 10/10/2017 17:45

I must live in a parallel world. If someone said that they were glad we met, I would take that as they were glad we had met.

Why all the overthinking? Can he not just mean that he was glad that you had met?

spudlike1 · 10/10/2017 17:46

Move on .....
You have over invested ....and making it worse by pondering the 'what If s '
Distract yourself with another online date .
When a man likes you and wants a relationship.with you , you will know .
When hes non comittal he is just that ....non committal.
Move on

gaynor83 · 10/10/2017 18:08

I honestly wish I had never gone in the first place. Would have saved all this feeling like shit 😐

OP posts:
Teddy7878 · 10/10/2017 18:10

He could be ill or something has happened in his personal life or he's been hurt before and waiting for you to initiate things more. Unless he's an absolute dick Im sure he would have messaged by now to say he just wanted to be friends and didn't want to pursue anything romantic

Annabelle4 · 10/10/2017 18:12

Ah don't feel like that OP.

Try not to take it personally and just move on Smile

gaynor83 · 10/10/2017 18:22

Well..he hasn't messaged at all so guess I do have my answer. Might be best to remove him from my Facebook anyhow.
It's just tough cos I really thought our time went well. It was only awkward at the end cos when I went out the door to go, he said don't just leave...and that's when I turned back and he hugged and kissed me briefly. Guess I just don't know how to act in those situations.

OP posts:
ScarlettOH · 10/10/2017 18:23

It’s all very well and good that we are women want to be equal in every other way but when it comes to romance we must act like delicate little flowers who can’t possibly ask someone out? Such bullshit Hmm

Teddy7878 · 10/10/2017 18:28

Don't delete him off FB for gods sake. Just wait til the weekend just incase. And then If you still haven't heard a peep then forget about him. I don't know why you don't just be upfront and ask him if he's still interested. I'm very forward and would just lay my cards on the table. The worst that can happen is he replies saying he's not keen and then you have your answer and can forget about it all

MsPavlichenko · 10/10/2017 18:31

You really don't need to overthink this. You certainly shouldn't blame yourself. You had a couple of nice days together. You thought you'd clicked. It looks as though he enjoyed meeting you but isn't as keen as you (assuming he's not simply slower at responding than you).

It doesn't mean you did anything wrong, that you didn't meet his expectations or whatever. Just that he isn't wanting to move forward . At the end of the day, it was only a couple of dates. Best to brush yourself down, and get on with it. As I said, don't overthink it!

gaynor83 · 10/10/2017 18:34

I'll give it a few days I guess. I'm tempted to ask like you say, I'm not forward by nature. But just feel really disappointed as I honestly thought he was interested at the time. We live quite far away from each other anyway so meeting again would require a bit of planning beforehand. Just feel a bit gutted but ok be ok.

OP posts:
cupcakesmakeyouhappy · 10/10/2017 18:52

Agree with Nettletheelf!
Please do not waste your time analysing this. Trust me I have been there (alot) learnt the hard way. I cringe when I think of how I was a few years back, newly single. It's normal to feel how you're feeling op. It's such a horrible feeling, waiting, analysing, waiting, Hoping. It's such a waste of your precious time.
In my opinion! Don't text again. It's like we keep going until we get something back but really we don't need that when they're already showing us with their actions. I k ow that's difficult to read, like I said ouch I have been there.
If a guy wants to date you. He will! Guys dont over analysise like we do. If it wad easy to chat and now it's not, then that's telling you something.
Don't delete, stalk or over think. Do nothing.
His loss.... NEXT and there will be another guy who you enjoy being around and it will be easy. You will not have to ask MN anything :) although we are all here if you do.
Look after YOU!

Nettletheelf · 10/10/2017 18:55

Don't be sorry that you went on the date, and don't 'feel like shit'. Nor should you let this experience put you off. I met every idiot in the north of England when I did online dating.

As others have said, don't get over-invested. Treat dates as an adventure and as a source of stories to laugh about with your friends. Keep going and you'll meet the right one.

cupcakesmakeyouhappy · 10/10/2017 18:56

Ps Google amy young 👌 I discovered her blogs and she is spot on when it comes to men and relationships!

user1490465531 · 10/10/2017 18:57

honestly leave it you will feel even more shit when he doesn't respond again.
He's not into you sorry to be blunt but all these posters saying give him a chance he could be ill etc etc are just giving you false hope.

HotelEuphoria · 10/10/2017 19:02

Please don't contact him again. If he wants to see you he will ask. Simple.

swingofthings · 10/10/2017 19:05

I'm sorry it's gone this way. Totally normal you should feel gutted. Dating is really hard, so don't beat yourself up, you did great and unfortunately, such things happen. Physically contact/attraction is important and if it's not there, it's not there, whatever the reason.

Would love to think that he will text back, but doesn't seem very hopeful now. It's one thing to take take to answer emails/facebook messages, and answering a quick text.

Still crossing fingers though, you never know.

OverlyYappy · 10/10/2017 19:06

I hope you hear from him

L0quacious · 10/10/2017 19:14

Don't do anything.

If you're friends on facebook he knows how to get in touch to arrange another date. I'm sure he knows you enjoyed his company.

I always used to make the mistake of thinking that i had to make it clear I was interested but now I just wait and if they care enough, if you made a big enough impression they will be pro-active.

It's torture but you can't make somebody like you back by texting them.

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