30 days no contact - Thread no 2

[Mumanddadtoone]

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

Cracked last night and sent a hello which he hasn’t read - although might’ve seen on his phone without opening messenger.

First day back at work since the split. Currently in tears in the toilets because he’d usually have messaged me several times by now to wish me a good day at work.

I don’t want it to be over.

I've been planning to try and have a social games day at mine as a way of seeing people somewhere I know the ex and his gf arent invited (they are invited to every single social event). Yesterday I saw that another mutual friend is having a social games event, on that day, that the ex has already replied to as a "maybe", which means I cant go and no-one will want to come to mine, plus it will look odd to have a "competing event" for the same thing . :'(

It's only been two hours since my last post. I have drafted a message. Sent it to myself - still have this nagging urge to send it!

Geri- Post it on here

Tygr- I know everyone says it but keep strong. Literally take today hour by hour.

Geri- well done for not sending it!

Hey Dolly- congrats on day 5! Hope you are ok.

Day 14 for me. Feel a little bit stronger each day. Still think about him far too much so trying to keep myself busy which does help!

dolly3012xo - he sometimes comes on to mumsnet so don't want him to see it if it isn't from me.

LizaJane85 - Oh I am trying to keep it that way :(

LizaJane85- I am getting there day by day. Just need to make sure I can get through Day 5 as this has seemed to become the day I make contact on several attempts of nc. Well well done for Day 14! It is okay to think about him. How I think is that I am feeling everything in the moment and healing from it. Him on the other hand is probably prolonging it and will have this in a couple months time when I will be way over it by then.

GeriT- What do you want to get out of sending it? Will you be pissed off with yourself after you get the response you don't want?

Day three. A bad day. Awake since 2.30am. Anxious since I made myself get out of bed. Started crying when I saw a couple kissing in the street when I went out. Crying again now just thinking about it,

I have to go back to the house at some point to collect the rest of my stuff and I am dreading it. I feel sick and shaky just thinking about it. I'm also missing my Dad whose funeral was last Monday. We had a difficult relationship (he was also an abusive bully) but I suddenly wanted to see him again.

This year I have been made redundant, moved house four times, my son has had several bad episodes of anxiety and self harm (although he seems to be improving), my Dad died and I split up with my ex.

Why? Why? Why am I going through all of this? When will it all end?

Thinking of you Iris

"Everything will be okay in the end and if its not okay then its not over" x

Dolly- exactly that! I’m grieving the relationship now and dealing with all my emotions and feelings day by day, he on the other hand is, according to mil- out every single night, not home till the early hours with a huge kebab in hand, refusing to talk about any of it and not being very helpful when dd is over there. I don’t think he realises what he’s done. I don’t think at the moment he gives me a second thought. But I’m sure it will all hit him at some point. And like you say, by then I’ll be so over it all I won’t care!

Here for you Geri. I know it’s a cliche but when I’m hit by a run of bad things I just tell myself ‘everything happens for a reason.’ Which I know doesn’t necessarily help but I bet once you’ve made it through everything you will be a hell of a stronger person

Thanks LizaJane85 & dolly3012x.

I guess I am at the point now where I want to reply just to set him straight. Then he gets the reaction he wants.

I don't even care if there's no response anymore.

LizaJane85- There will come a time when it hits him like a pile of bricks and you will not give two shits. How amazing will that be! My ex is out every day and night doing god knows what. He is probably thinking why the hell hadn't I returned his call on saturday as he would have expected me to message or call back straight away. Thats a big enough ego boost for me

I don't want it to him my ex like a ton of breaks...ever.

Because I don't want the slime ball to come back or even want to try again.

I do wish I didn't love him though.

I bet Dolly! Keep the positive vibes going. What is with these men? Nothing but overgrown children! Why would my 31 year old stbxh rather go out every night with his mates, screw around and be out till all hours rather then settle down with his beautiful daughter and a wife who, although she nagged a lot cos he was a selfish dick- would have given him the earth if he had asked. It’s his loss.
Keep going girl! Remember, day 6 tomorrow x

Geri- that’s is such a good mindset to have. And love is overrated! I love my ex to bits still but god do I hate him too! I focus on that

LizaJane85- It's called peter pan syndrome! My ex was 30 and thought he was a 18 year old boy! His loss Liza. Mine cheated on me! I would have been the one to forgive him, put my everything in to fixing things and loving him deeply but he said that he needed "time" and there was no need for me to grovel. I didn't even bother replying to that message. Bring on day 6! And then day 7! a whole week woohoo

Yes Dolly! You can do this. I’ll be chuffed tomorrow cos day 15 means I’m halfway though!

LizaJane85- How are you planning on celebrating? My friends said that we should hold a funeral for our relationship which Iike the sound of

Sounds like a fab idea, Dolly!

Well dd is at her dads tomorrow night, so I’m going out with a friend for dinner. I always make sure I have something planned on my Tuesday nights without dd, it just happens tomorrow is day 15!

LizaJane85- Sound's good! Can't believe how strong and positive we are we are the winners in this

Peter Pan Syndrome - I will have to have a read.

I don't know with everyday that goes by I find myself giving up even though people tell me he will realise. I wish he had the guts to tell me himself - soon it will too late.

GeriT- He might realise. He might not. You may never get the closure from him but take this time for yourself. Not for him. Keep strong

Iris

So so sorry.* Sometimes life just throws everything at us at once. You are strong enough to take it. You will get through it.*

Iris that’s a lot of stuff to deal with - you are grieving two life events - it’s shit but hopefully the support here will help a bit.

I also feel a bit meh when I see couples PDA - I truly hoped that our love would prevail he certainly said so until recently.

However he said himself he was Peter Pan and trust me at his age (middle age) that ain’t a good look!!!!

So instead of trying to sort himself out he’s now in a relationship with a fellow addict. From what he’s told me about her and what I know she’s not a good or nice person prioritises men over everything and has already had short relatinships with two of his acquaintances.

Have to go - more later x