30 days no contact - Thread no 2

[Mumanddadtoone]

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

Well done LizaJane85! Day 1 for me (again lol) I ignored his message last night telling me that there was no need to grovel but everything is now sour and twisted. I can do so much better then a serial cheater who has 101 issues. Sooooo determined to do this. Have left my phone at home also so I am not tempted but if I am honest, I have nothing left to say to him

dinnerdatedisaster- Hope your day 1 goes well

Good luck Dolly and dinner! We are here if you need us

Day 6 here. Longest I’ve got. Actually feels quite liberating this time. Like I’m proving it to myself more than him. Which is much better.
I will have to see him this weekend. A mutual friends bday celebration. Which would be difficult to get out off. Bad timing!
Any ideas on how to behave and look wise people? I’ll be going with a platonic male friend. How should I play it?

dolly you have SO much more determination, i can just tell. well done! and omg did he say 'grovel' what a moron. YOU are worth so much more..

Liza sooooo proud of you, honestly you are doing SO well and it must be so hard

dinner I just think you'll always want more. but it's hard to cut someone out. That's what I'm trying to do even though he wants to be friends

Rhubarbginn Yay well done that's almost a week now...so good! That's how I feel right now, like i'm proving to myself, and it feels...good surprisingly. I'm also seeing mine tomorrow. I'm just going to rock up, looking good and acting happy and confident and like I don't need him or anyone (because I don't.) Unfortunately I have to work with mine so conversation will be constant, but for you I'd say just go in there and act like you're meeting someone you haven't seen in ages - say hi, even a 'how are you' and then briefly move on. I wouldn't hang around them or chat much at all, just do your own thing and then leave.

Oh and update on me. I'm doing SO much better. I can probably go 3 hours without thinking about him, which probably sounds ridiculous but at one point I think it was every 5 minutes. He doesn't dominate my thoughts as much as he was, and the best thing...I don't have that URGE to message him. I'm finally realising there's no point.

Only downside is I have to see him at work tomorrow and I'm dreading it. I just hope it doesn't set me back as it has done before. But I'm also sorting out a way to stop working with him soon, may have to tell him tomorrow and I know he'll act hurt, but it's for my own sanity.

Little steps are great Meow. Feels good. Gives some clarity. I don’t have the urge so much to message him. I’d like him to message me but that’s more for my pride and to have some power. It’s not so much about him.

I think guys like to keep us hanging. Not sure if they think about things so deeply as women.

meowimacat- I am so determined! He said that if I just left him to have some space it wouldnt be so bitter and sour but now he doesn't have the head space to see through it. Think he was a bit shocked that I didn't reply to his message seeing as I spent half the day begging lol. But there will come a time when all of his bad thoughts of me will disappear and he will kick himself that he didn't try as I would have been the one to forgive him, to fix things and love him deeply. His loss, defintley not mine!

Dinner- Don't be friends. Know your worth. He doesn't deserve you as a friend.

meowimacat- I am so glad you're doing better. What day are you on now?

Thanks meow. Dare I say it- I actually feel like I’m making progress. He doesn’t crowd my thoughts as much anymore and I find myself feeling a tiny bit excited about mine and dds future.
After Xmas I’m gonna start flat hunting and my tax credits have finally come through so that’s helped ease the money worries! Stbxh isn’t earning at the mo- long story- so I’ve been paying for everything for nearly a year.
Sorry, I’ve just re-read that! What an arse my ex is! He could have found a job that paid by now instead of trying to make his and his mums business Work. But anyway, I digress...
I’m feeling positive today! Let’s leave it at that.

dolly yay you sound so strong, so happy for you..I love his excuses for not taking you back...how can he need time. So ridiculous. I'm on day 2 or 3 but really it's about day 15/16 really. I'm losing count. I've only messaged him about work things but that's why I started NC again as he moved onto friendly chat and I continued the chat with him then had a meltdown and re-added him on all social media (which he ignored) I've since found my pride and removed my requests and have zero plans to return to that dark place again. Although seeing him tomo so must stay strong.

Liza Ahh yes my ex was a knob with work. He didn't work for 2 years and I put up with it and had to move back into my parents home for 2 years with 2 DC while he sorted himself out. I'm just sorting tax credits now, as we had a joint claim but as we split they cancelled it so i've been without any for 8 months. Really need the money. Flat hunting will be so fun. I can't wait to move from this place. I currently live where I shared with my ex and all the furniture is what we bought together. Will be great for you to just have that new space to start afresh. So much to look forward to for you and your gorgeous DD.

dinnerdate the only problem I see with friendship is that there would probably always be that time when he'd come back when he's having a crap time in the marriage. I don't think you'd ever move on or want to meet someone else if he is a prominent 'friend' in your life.

Personally, as he's married and made his choice with who he wants to be with, I would cut my losses and move on. But easier said than done, I don't have the emotional attachment you do. xx

Thanks dinner and meow, feeling so much better today!

Keep going ladies,it’s true, time is a healer! I can’t believe how much I have come on in just a matter of days.

Liza it’s so true isn’t it! I feel like I harp on about it a bit on here but isn’t it a brilliant feeling once you’re over the worst of it! Sounds like you’re flying now. It gets better in bigger steps now and you’re well on the way x

dinner- day 1 nearly done! It’s been okay. When ever I think about him I just think of all the shit that he’s done. At the end of the day, yes I begged and pleaded and have gone through a rollercoaster of emotions in a short amount of time but I have no regrets. I’ve said everything that I’ve wanted to say and I’m never going to go through life thinking that I didn’t try enough. I have fought so much but there comes a time when you can’t do it anymore and my time has now come. He will be the one who’s loosing out and sorry, not me!

dolly That's a really good strategy and it's one that I use myself. It helps me a lot.
Ami I am really looking forward to getting to that point. Having a terrible wobble right now as I move out and go NC tomorrow. He, of course, is being all sweetness and light and big, brown, puppy dog eyes.
Liza Glad that you're doing well.
dinner Not sure about the friends idea. I did that the last time and ended up exactly where I was before! Cost a whole of lot heartache, money, time and energy. Wish I'd stayed away then!
Rhubarb A week sounds great. This time next week I'll be at six days too!
Meow Really pleased you're doing better. When I told my ex that I have blocked him he told me he'll just get a new email address, so be prepared for comebacks if you tell him you're going to avoid him at work.

Well I promised earlier in the week I would contact him with updates about work, but I can't be bothered to even message. lol. He could easily message me and ask but he hasn't either, so if he doesn't I won't bother and will just see him tomorrow.

Liza and Ami it really is true how much you can come on in a couple of days. Honestly I didn't think I would ever feel not bothered by him. It's been a good 6 months of obsession on my part. So I'm really pleased how I'm feeling at the moment.

Just need to keep it together tomorrow when I see him.

Iris Good luck with the move tomorrow, and the start of NC. You'll be okay and we'll support you through everything. I don't think this guy will be bothered when I tell him I'm not working with him any more, he'll pretend to be sad for a bit but I don't think he cared about me like I thought he did and pretty sure he's moved on (with a lot of girls) already. Sigh.

Thanks dinner and meow I've had a couple of anxiety attacks today and a couple of crying spells. 'This too shall pass.'

I’m just finishing day 10! Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like I have a long way to go but I feel like I’m over the worst. It’s doesn’t cripple me anymore. I’m coping a hell of a lot better. Onwards and upwards, ladies xx