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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

30 days no contact - Thread no 2

999 replies

Mumanddadtoone · 07/10/2017 11:16

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

OP posts:
Strugglinglately · 07/10/2017 23:04

I'm four hours into the no contact idea.. it's taking alot for me not to reply. Since the final text I've sent him, I've had three messages and one phone call, all of which I've ignored.

I can no longer cope with the messing around, false promises, being blamed constantly, gas lighting and narcissism.

My mental healths gone to shit creek. I've been off medication for 7 weeks now. Tonight I've decided to reintroduce them slowly. I've taken one which has a sedative effect.

I'm currently curled up in bed, cuddled up with my boy waiting to drift off to the land of slumber.

In some ways I hope to wake up to messages just to know I'm still on his mind. There's part of me that wants him to suffer the way I have. I hope by ignoring him he has a wake up call and realises what he's lost. He asked to be friends. I can't do that.

Over the past few weeks there have been numerous occasions where he has said things are over. In the beginning I used to panic and become upset and beg for it not to happen but as each time this would happen it's as if I became immune to it and I'd shut off.

I know I'm better off without.

user1493423934 · 07/10/2017 23:33

Ami and Withering sounds like you are both giving the appearance of coping really well. I totally get the whole weekend thing. I dread weekends - all my friends are doing things with their DC and DH's and my DC are with their dad and it's so depressing!
I'm afraid I'm going to have to go back to Day 1 - I bloody well broke down in tears yesterday and begged ex back! he's adamant it's over. So cross with myself. He's totally over me.

Aminuts23 · 08/10/2017 00:43

Bing and Struggling stay with us, support is here. Bing don’t beat yourself up, we’ve all been there. This is where we try to get strong. If it fails we pick each other up and start again without judging x

Aminuts23 · 08/10/2017 01:39

Ladies I’ve let myself down badly. I’ve posted a very public post on his Fb. Shiiiiiiite ooooops. Damn

witheringlook · 08/10/2017 07:22

Oh Ami can you go in and delete it or set the post to private? Probably no one has seen it yet.
I cracked again yesterday too and just got more bullshit back in return.

Strugglinglately · 08/10/2017 08:24

13 hours later...

Four missed calls and 8 messages from him...

"You know I love you just either talk with me or tell me to never talk to you again please I don't like the middle ground xx"

Must stay strong.

user1493423934 · 08/10/2017 08:48

Bing and Struggling welcome !
Ami just delete the post. We've all done that.

Aminuts23 · 08/10/2017 09:15

Ive deleted it and he hasn’t seen it, does that still count as NC?

Annelind · 08/10/2017 09:15

Struggling if he is a narcissist, or has those tendencies, he will not want to lose his 'power' over you. Is it possible to block him on all fronts or do you have to have contact re childcare?

I can no longer cope with the messing around, false promises, being blamed constantly, gas lighting and narcissism.

Someone who loves you does not do this

"You know I love you just either talk with me or tell me to never talk to you again please I don't like the middle ground xx"

All about him and what he doesn't like.

Stay strong.

Annelind · 08/10/2017 09:17

Aminute a blip! well saved!

Aminuts23 · 08/10/2017 09:17

Struggling just ignore him, what a knob. Stay strong. I’ve had a wobble but I haven’t sent him any messages. Can’t believe I posted on his FB. Thank god he never saw 🙈

Original poster
Mumanddadtoone · 08/10/2017 09:40

Hi to all who've joined in and sorry you're going through it too.

I'm 48 hours in, had a little wobble last night but managers to maintain no contact (thank god).

Ami I would still count it as nc, he didn't see it so don't worry about it.

User don't beat yourself up, I've done exactly the same in the past, you're human, you have emotions. Is there anyway you can use someone else to do handovers over dc? If you don't see him it is a little easier to keep your emotions in check.

Bing you won't find any judgements here, only support, we are all going through similar.

Struggling, I agree with Annelind, he does sound like a narcissist. I bet your mental health improves once he's out of your life.

I'm glad the weekends nearly over, it just seems easier during the week.

OP posts:
Aminuts23 · 08/10/2017 09:48

Mumanddad it is easier in the week. He’d put something on FB about ‘good energy’, I had a right rant at it. Thank god he never saw it. I’m now on day 12 of NC. Actually this morning I feel calm and wonder why I ranted. He’s just not bloody worth it. I don’t feel angry with him today. He’s pathetic. He’s not worth my emotional energy.

Original poster
Mumanddadtoone · 08/10/2017 09:57

Good for you Ami, you are totally right, he doesn't derserve any energy from you, and I firmly believe at some point he will realise, but it will be too late as you will have moved on.

Btw, getting to day 12 is a HUGE achievement so be proud of yourself for not caving.

OP posts:
Aminuts23 · 08/10/2017 10:01

Thanks Grin. I’d been out last night. Seeing him post about good energy just riled me. Who the hell does he think he is?!! Now I’m just wondering why I was so annoyed. I’m half tempted just to block him now but I can’t just yet. User don’t be down on yourself. Start again. It will make you stronger

Strugglinglately · 08/10/2017 10:04

15 hours later... this is an achievement for me. Maybe he'll get the picture sooner or later.

To be honest I want him to suffer the way I have. I know that sounds petty but its how I feel at this moment.

userxx · 08/10/2017 10:05

Ami - did you have a few wines when out last night? That could have caused you to be pissed off.

Original poster
Mumanddadtoone · 08/10/2017 10:10

Struggling wanting him to hurt too is completely normal, I feel the same about my ex

OP posts:
Aminuts23 · 08/10/2017 10:29

Userxx yes one or two. I’m just so glad he never saw.

userxx · 08/10/2017 10:39

Having a few drinks when I'm not in a good place has the same effect on me...... Anger!!! The next day I'm fine again. Bloody emotions 😒

Aminuts23 · 08/10/2017 10:44

God me too! Thing is I’d had a good night and was generally ok. Ooops

Strugglinglately · 08/10/2017 10:47

I so badly want to reply but know I need not to.

Once I get home I think I'm going to have a nap. Anything to get me through the day. My son goes to his dads until Tuesday.

userxx · 08/10/2017 10:52

Ami - could have been worse, you could have ranted at his voicemail or by text. Looks at the positives.

LizaJane85 · 08/10/2017 13:01

I’m feeling very wobbly today. Just me and dd today and Sunday used to be the day we spent the most time with stbxh. Not that is was quality time! He used to sleep in till 2pm and then spend the rest of the day glued to his computer or phone. We never went anywhere as a family! Which is why I can’t understand why I’m finding this break up so difficult! But have managed 3 days NC not including texts regarding dd. Feel a bit better for it! But all I’m wondering today is what he is up to or who is he talking to? Is he finding things as difficult as me? DD is having a nap now and my hands are twitching trying not to text him. Keep checking fb messenger to see when he was last active. I’m losing the plot! Please someone tell me these urges and feelings start to fade soon! It’s been 3 weeks tomorrow:- am I being a bit unrealistic hoping I would be over it a bit by now?

MollyWantsACracker · 08/10/2017 13:10

In the horrors today. My situation is very similar to amin 's. Dumped and absolutely blindsided just after getting back from holidays. That was nearly 12 weeks ago. We had a fantastic time on holiday- talked about how we wanted to get to know each other on a deeper level. We bought wine/treats enjoy together when we got back.

I have some stuff in his house. Stuff I can live without. Except for I've realised I can't find some jewellery.
There has been no contact of any kind. I don't know what to do. The jewellery isn't costume. He might have dumped it/charity shopped it. Maybe its not there at all and I just can't find it. I'm really upset about this now. I don't want to contact him. After 12 weeks I'm still hurting badly. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me.