30 days no contact - Thread no 2

[Mumanddadtoone]

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

What’s happened dinner?

Welcome stormtreader. I still have to see my stbxh because of our dd. Saw him earlier. He is a twat and that’s what I keep telling myself! I do agree- the feeling of despair does get less intense as time goes by. It’s almost like you get exhausted of feeling that way! I’m slowly beginning to feel like I’m better off alone anyway

dinner I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling, but to be honest I don't think you can be friends with him. When you said you were hopeful you could I was worried, but obviously you had a close relationship with him. I think you just have to mourn him now as the guy you knew is dead, and the married guy who is also a moron is who you are now dealing with. Your life is on hold while you are still in contact with him, you need to be your own person without him and in time meet someone who deserves you.

I am doing okay even though I had to see/spend time with him today. I left and started doing what I usually do - going over everything in my head that we had talked about. I started thinking of all the things I could message him and how I could easily start up a conversation, but I stopped myself. He sent me a few messages this evening but I literally sent one emoji as a response. He did ask today why i've not been on social media (he's secretly blocked from seeing my updates lol), and he seemed sad he didn't know what I'd been up to. But, that's not enough for me. He didn't message all week, he hasn't really cared. So I'm continuing NC. I will have to see him once a week at the moment or maybe more for work, but I feel so much stronger and I'm still working on it but each day is getting slightly easier.

Morning everyone. Day 3 for me. I had such a awakening yesterday that I don’t even want to be with this guy. He doesn’t deserve my love, my forgiveness or my headspace. So I’m trying to find ways to improve myself. Although a small part of me wants him to message but I think that’s just for my ego so I need to try and get that out my head.

Hope everyone is strong and happy today x

dinner- I hope you’re okay. Thinking of you x

Hi all,

I'm just wondering how you go about NC if you share a DC? We haven't 'officially' split but we're on a trial separation. I hate chatting to him like he's a stranger when I know that we're both still in love. It's awful. But he does use our DS as an excuse to make contact, and I can't deny him of that. It's so bloody hard.

Stay strong everyone.

Hi anna It's really hard. I guess you either have to ignore any messages unless it's strictly about DC and not personal at all. No how are you's etc. Or you speak through a third person, so your mum or MIL to arrange collections etc. Although this isn't always ideal for everyone. I think that's the only way to really do NC with someone you share DC with.

dinner they totally are an addiction. I'm the same, i think i latched onto my guy because the rest of my life was pretty crappy. I'm a single mum, who lives far from family and friends, all I have are my DC and then I have to share them, so in that time I'd see/speak to him and I guess I associated him with my happiness which is NOT good or healthy. You need to look at your life and see what you can do to improve it that doesn't involve him. Get a hobby, do something that you would never normally do - ideally join a social group. You meet other people that way and you'll realise that he isn't the only guy out there. Honestly, keeping him in your life isn't worth it. He's never going to change.

Day 9 still the odd mesage about DD but think its unnecessary.

We had planned something tonight before we fell out. For us to do as a family.

I wasn't going to mention it but he did. So will see him tonight. Just can't get sucked into any bs conversation.

Everyone is saying he is attending for DD. She'd be fine if he didn't come. I don't want him too

Day 29 for me - my trip was a welcome distraction.

Still feel sad about everything and like Lisa I wonder if he’s thinking about me.

But what he did combined with his alcoholism make me realise that this has to be it.

And I can’t be friends with him - no friend would treat me like that.

Keep going everyone - no I’m back going to have a proper read through

Well ladies my little texting flirty thing came to an end. He texted me this morning to tell me he’s not actually single! Bloody men! Never mind. I’m still going strong. Day 39!!

Oh no -well at least he told you!

Day 39 fantastic keep going!

I don’t feel ready for a new relationship yet - if I ever do!

But I like male company and am quite flirty (with people in general) so wouldn’t rule that out.

heart I don’t want a relationship either. I mean I miss the company and being close to someone but I also love my friends, family and my own space. I’m not prepared to compromise on that. The flirty banter was nice but hey ho. All good with me. I’ve had my hair done today, off to a wedding do tonight. Should be good

Geri- just keep polite but business like. Just keep it about dd. I guess it’s good he is making an effort for her? I found out that when stbxh has our dd last weekend at his mums, he went out Friday and Saturday night and left her to it. I’m fuming.

Anna- welcome to the thread.
I speak to my dd’s father through his mum. We all used to live together so his mum and me are quite close. If he wants to know about dd he has to go through his mum. That’s the only way I’m going to get over things.
He basically chose the single life over his daughter and me and that hurts so much.
We were together 8 years and married for 11 months of that. I have to see him twice a week at drop offs but it’s extremely business like and no mention of how the other one is doing.
Yes it’s horrendous that he is like a stranger to me now but if we are to have any sort of friendship for dds sake then it has to be like that for a while. It’s been almost 8 weeks since we broke up and day 12 of what I call minimal contact. I have to say it is getting easier. This thread has been extremely helpful.

Hope you ladies have had an ok Saturday so far.

Oh no Ami! What is it with men?!

Welcome back heart

Liza I know!! He’s been really making it obvious he liked me and asked for my number last week. Thankfully my head is in such a place that I didn’t get invested in it at all. His poor partner though. What a rogue she’s got there!!

meow you make so much sense and sound to have a very similar situation to me. I am a single Mum in a difficult quite depressing situation. Lots needs sorting out. My guy was a pleasant distraction and I also pinned my happiness on him. He was so ott nice to me and really reeled me in. I hadn't actually slept with him either(Although other stuff and very close). All sounds very similar.

Dinner I feel for you but honestly he has cheated on his wife. He isn't capable of healthy female boundaries and has shown he is not your friend. I know it hurts but you are better off without him. No one deserves an affair. His wife doesn't and neither do you. You deserve someone who puts you first. A little time building confidence to not accept this type of situation again.

dinner your life situation sounds very similar to mine, and so why I think you might be drawn to going back to him - could be completely wrong mind - is that maybe you're not ready for a proper relationship so having a married guy who you see for say an hour a week has suited you fine. It's a nice distraction from the normalities and struggles of single parenthood, and also from your divorce. But as this relationship has continued for a while now and you're probably starting to actually want more than you can have from this guy. In reality, he is NOT worth your time at all, but as you've invested a lot you probably don't want to let go of things. He's basically sleeping with his wife and you (whatever he says I'm sure he's sleeping with her, even if occasionally.) Who knows if he's got other women on the back burner too, you can't think he'd just be faithful to you...and his wife? I think you need to start looking at your life and how to make it happy without the happiness coming from a man. Work on yourself for a bit, and please try and get space from him now as he's just not worth it.

Aminuts Omg what a moron, can't believe he said that now - men eh.

anxiousnow Yes our situations sound very similar. I always wonder what if we had slept together, I think it's actually worse when you don't as you sort of crave it more. lol.

dinner- I’m okay. On day 3 today. My mood dips here and there. I wrote a massive 2 page reminder to myself about how much he has done to me. How much he has hurt me and how hard I have tried to try and fix things and he hasn’t. I’ve been reading it every time I have an urge to say something. How have you been today? A fresh start tomorrow x