30 days no contact - Thread no 2

[Mumanddadtoone]

As the last thread is almost full, thought I'd start a new one.

This is for all of us who are trying to do at least 30 days without contact with an ex.
So whatever your reasons for instigating no contact please feel free to join in and we can all support each other.

It’s early days Broken. I went through the same thing at your age (I’m 42 now). Was with him 3 years, moved in together, I thought we would be together forever. I truly did. He dumped me. He was seeing a married barmaid from the pub while I was working nights!! It took a long time to get over it. I remember the breathtaking pain of it now. What I can say is that he crosses my mind never really now. I’m not saying it will take 20 years, of course it won’t. But you will get through it and you’ll come out stronger. It’s the loss of the entire future as you saw it as well as the loss of him. I know it’s terribly hard. Spend time with your parents / friends. Let them help you and keep posting here x

I’m 32 and also feel like I’m never gonna meet anyone again! It’s all the broken promises that hurt the most and the fact we couldn’t even make it a year married! It just hurts.

I’ve got 10 years on you Liza. Back on the shelf, childless and totally jaded. I don’t want to be on my own. I enjoyed my relationship with him. It’s just shit. I’m giving myself a long break from men now

Welcome brokensprings, you'll find nothing but support on here. I'm sorry you're going through it too. Hope his message didn't upset you too much.

Glad you changed the password Ami, I did that too . Why should he benefit?

I've been wobbling again this afternoon and having the "why wasn't I enough" thoughts but I'm finding my anger again and that is so much easier. He hasn't contacted my dsis regarding contact with ds - god he really is such a prick.

Glad the weekends nearly over, be easier when I'm back in my usual routine tomorrow.

We will ALL recover from this, and be stronger for it, this feeling is temporary and I really believe that in the future we will look back and be astonished we spent so much time on them.

Thank you x
Yes, that's it, it's not just him, it's everything. His family, holidays, our home, everything we had built together and everything we still had to come. It's agony.

Broken, that's it exactly - agony. It's incredibly cowardly what he did to you. You're mourning the future you thought lay ahead and suddenly everything is different. Have you got rl friends for support too?

It's also the fact I have no closure because I'll never see him again. If he did it face to face at least I could have hugged him to say goodbye. Via text and just never going home... It's the not saying goodbye.

Mostly by text, yes. My two closest friends don't live near me (one in a different country) I know the people at work will be fab though.

It is Broken. Your future has totally changed and you’ve had no choice in it. What you’re feeling is grief. You are mourning the loss of how you thought your life was going to pan out. You’ll go through phases, sadness, anger, despair. It’s all totally normal whilst you process what’s happened. You might, in time and when you’re ready, find it helpful to get to the gym/walking/running. I haven’t got there yet but I’m going to this week I think. Exercise is a great stress reliever

Broken, are you in the same social group or socialise in the same places? If so, he'll have to speak to you face to face at some point.

I admire everyone on this thread sharing what they are going through and sharing different coping strategies. Some days is my dd that keeps me going. I can’t be miserable round her and some days it is impossible to plaster a smile on my face but I just have to look at her and I realise she is my strength. She’ll get me through this. Xx

It’s great Liza. Really supportive and such a good idea. I’ve been more positive today. I’m going out for tea for my mums birthday shortly. Then back to my usual work routine tomorrow so that’s another weekend survived (well apart from the bloody FB incident 😉)

Mum, no, thankfully we don't have the same friends and nor do we hang around the same places. Our families live about half an hour apart. He bought a house close to my family but he won't live there now that we have broken up, so no risk of bumping into him when out and about.

Nuts, that's a good point about the exercise and fresh air. I have our dog so I wil be going out for regular walks :)

I sent him quite a few messages back and he has not been in touch since. He just reiterated that he is sorry but it's over and he hopes I have a good life, like i deserve. I said everything I could to make him think about what he's doing, so theres nothing more I can do.

I feel like going to his families and finding him and asking him why he thinks he can do this to me... But there's no point.

Broken as hard as it is leave it now. You can’t/do say any more. Whilst he’s got you in this state he has power over you. Take that power back by going NC. Start tomorrow, one day at a time. It will make you feel better

Broken, getting outside and exercising will definitely help.

As for going round, he'd probably hide, he can't face looking at you and seeing what he's done.

Try and keep as busy as you can, it really does help.

And what Ami said ^

Just before I go out I wanted to list his faults so that I can re-read and stay strong:

1. He drinks far far too much daily;
2. He’s a mummy’s boy (she decorated his house whilst we were on holiday and he let her);
3. He’s a financial disaster;
4. He talks incessantly about himself;
5. His house is messy and untidy;
6. His personal hygiene was very questionable on occasions;
7. He has anxiety/depression which he uses as an excuse to be an arsehole;
8. He’s lazy;
9. He spoke at length about how he stays friends with exes (what a top guy 😕)

10. He was flaky with arrangements, changing plans last minute; 11. Self absorbed arrogant dick!

He was quite easy on the eye though 😂. That’s it I think. Apart from of course he’s a gutless coward dumping me like that! Who on earth does he think he is!!!

Right I feel better, I’m off out now 😊 Stay strong ladies x

How did he dump you, Nuts?

Thanks. I know the right thing to do would be to leave it but I am seriously considering going round and demanding he speaks with me. He'll either be at his parents or grandparents I am sure, so they would drag him out for me if he didn't want to speak. I got along with them all very well. I think he would speak to me though.
I know it's not a good idea... And I probably won't. But I feel he owes it to me. He should see me in this state to have a look at what he's caused.

Everything you listed Ami sounds identical to my ex! Particularly the anxiety thing!

Broken he dumped me while we were abroad on holiday. He said (on our last night) that I should have known we were going away just as friends as he’d told be before (he hadn’t at all). Total shock as we’d been fine until then I thought. Together just short of a year. Haven’t seen him since we got back 3 weeks ago! Had loads of apologies, it’s not me it’s him type messages. Just blah! Not been in touch for 12 days now. It’s getting easier.

That's awful, sounds like he was an arsehole to do that! And the list too.

When did it start feeling a smidge easier? Do you still wish he'd get in contact you and beg for you back, or would you be strong enough to refuse?

I don't make my life easy! I just got quite hysterical and I messaged his best friend to ask him to contact me. Time to delete him now too.

Thankfully I lost all of his families numbers when I changed my phone last week so I can't mither them too!

Ami sounds like my ex too!

Ami - keep re-reading your list, you've dodged a billet there.

Please tell me this gets easier?
I am falling apart.

Broken I'm in a very similar situation to you. I'm a fair bit older but also feel I've lost 'the one' and he's pretty adamant it's over. I want to beg and plead but am trying to hold on to my dignity. However I completely get what you say about wanting him to see you like this so he understands the impact of his actions. Sometimes holding back, especially when they're not contacting you, feels like giving them what they want, an easy guilt-free break up without having to deal with your inconvenient emotions. What I will say is when I've broken nc because I needed answers and to let him know how shit I felt, both times I've felt worse for doing it as I didn't get the answers I wanted. It's so tempting to do, but I felt I had more power and was more in control of my feelings when I was silent.

I'm only a week in and it's been a tough week, so I can't say it gets easier this soon. But I completely get how much you are hurting. We've had our hearts stomped on by people who don't deserve or appreciate us. Everyone here understands and will hold you hand.