The Dating Thread Number 123: We're so over over-investing

[Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I have just popped on OKC and his profile has been deleted. I somehow doubt it's in honour of our (supposed) date today!

'Nowt queerer than folk, as my old maw would day.

Kinda regret giving him my mobile no. now. And those evenings of messaging, what an absolute waste of my time!

Biddy- to put it into perspective, I’ve been on 3 dates with Mr BBC (4 if you count spending the morning together yesterday ) and we both work full time, I have my dd full time, he’s involved with his kids every weekend & in the week, I have no family support & we’ve managed to make it happen. We also talked about our emotions & communication needs/wants on the third date. You & this guy aren’t just “taking it easy” you’re not in the same relationship. You think you might be, he’s happy to get laid when he can. That confusion/game playing is why you’re anxious. I agree with Been, you don’t “suggest” breaking up - if you’re discussing it it’s basically over already. Time to send the thanks but no thanks message & move on.

Dieu - I get migraines, and (for once) disagree with Been lol. Once I’ve taken my meds & they’ve kicked in I can talk, I’m just completely wiped & need to sleep/rest & def couldn’t face going out. I would mentally bin him off but be open to hearing from him. I’m usually equally shit the day after I get a migraine so he might have just been being optimistic and/or not wanting to let you down. I think you saying you could do a couple of hours let him off the hook of booking in advance. If you don’t fancy it though just let him know when he gets back in touch. Even something like “given some time to think about it I don’t think I’m up for this”.

PM I'm really glad it's working out for you. Sounds super promising, and it's great when you're both on the same page.

It's 12.30 and 12pm was my cut off time. I guess we all have our boundaries, and mine was hearing from him by lunchtime or that was it.

The deletion of his profile is also weird.

My instinct was totally bang on with this one. Funny, but I never used to really think about my spidey senses before entering the world of online dating, and they really have served me well!

Spidey-senses are amazing. I take good heed of mine and figure that if I let a good 'un go in error because I listen to my feminine intuition then that's fine as it's statistically a very low probability that something would have blossomed anyway.

Phoenix I hadn't thought of migraine meds bet he was on a date or shagging someone

dieu it sounds like he met someone else and was hedging his bets. Spidey senses are always accurate.
I hope you still manage to have a nice day with Mr mountain love

Just received a text from him, saying only 'I assume a coffee is off today?'

Well, erm, yeah ... seeing as you didn't get in touch all day

Phoenix - yep - the confusion is making me anxious (even though I've been doing my best to be chilled. And he could have made more effort. I will keep you all posted as I'll be finishing with him.

Dieu, have you replied? I just don't understand some people's motives?!
I have gone against my own better judgement and instincts when dating and it's never ended well!! I really should pay more attention to what my instincts are telling me!!
Mr Motorbike is still texting and ringing. It will be almost 2 weeks since our first date when we go out next week. I'm concerned that it may be too long between dates . It's unavoidable and I'm hoping it won't always be that way if we continue to get on!!

Hi Pixie. I replied that yes, I had assumed it was off as I hadn't heard from him all day, and that as far as I knew, he was supposed to get back to me with a time and place. I then let him off the hook a bit by saying that it had just been a misunderstanding/lack of communication.

He replied by admitting fault, and that he didn't like to get in touch in case I was having a lie-in after my night out, or having time to myself without the children.

I do understand that particular logic, but even still ...

Yes I wouldn't bother. His reasoning sounds flimsy to me. I'm meeting Mr Vegetarian for lunch on Wednesday. I'm off work for an extra week of half term so making the most of it. Bloody anaemia is making me feel shocking though and bed is 100% more appealing than dating at the moment.

My date with arm Mountain went ok, we stayed in at his and he cooked me a roast (which was quite nice), talked a lot about random things, talked about future dates and possible plans for Christmas. I'm still holding back, I like him but not sure if the wow factor is there or if I'm just stopping myself from feeling anything in case he vanishes. We seem to be getting on well, we have a few things in common but also a lot of things not in common (maybe that's a good thing?). I'm not sure if I should have the exclusive chat with him or not as I am unsure what I want.

Love - do you think you’d feel better if you knew you were exclusive. You’ve been talking about it for while. Is this just nerves?

I'm not sure Phoenix, I think we will need to have the exclusive chat soon, I'm just starting to wonder if it's too soon for him, he hasn't been single as long as me, he's moved house and started a almost new life and life style since leaving his ex which seems a bit odd. I think before I was in a hurry to be exclusive because I was insecure about him seeing other people, now I'm not as bothered 😕

I'm back on tinder. I had to delete it for a while for memory / tech reasons. But I'm back on there and I think it might be time for me to look for a boyfriend.

I have two nice guys that I'm seeing but neither of them are relationship material, for various reasons (for me - they're perfectly decent guys). I didn't dare admit that I wanted a relationship, for some reason. I think maybe I do. I think I want someone to think about me first thing in the morning, and last thing at night. I want someone funny to send me cute texts.

I guess that's what everyone wants and it's not that easy to get.

Grinch OLD can be a real learning curve that is eye-opening if you can stand back and analyse the experiences. This thread has really helped me. So much of the stuff that people write on here has really helped me figure things out that I hadn't realised when combined with crap experiences empirical research.

I agree with been though I've done far too much empirical research. I'd quite like my nice relationship now please. I started online dating in 2014

Hey Far I'm a 2011 vintage!

Hi all. So I had date number 3 today with Mr Stylish. Met in town, wandered around the shops, went for drinks and food. Problem was he’s got a trapped nerve in his neck so was in agony and spent all afternoon winging. It was rather tiresome in the end tbh.

I like him, he’s a nice bloke but I’m just not sure the 100% chemistry is there. When he kisses me I feel it but sometimes our conversation is stilted. I don’t know I’ve not dated in so long I don’t know what to expect?!

That makes me feel better been. And vintage sounds good as well. I guess if you are with someone for 30 years then spending 10 years looking for them isn't bad!

Bored if the kissing doesn't set me alight but he's not repulsive (thanks Lana!) and the conversation flows then I might give him a second chance. If the conversation's stilted at such an early time then I wouldn't see him again. I always look at those long-together couples in restaurants who sit and eat in silence and thank god that's not me.

What if you don't want to kiss them but you don't find them repulsive? It's not worth another date is it?

Been I'm clinking my 2011 vintage with you!

Anti I only realised I was looking for something serious earlier this year. I'm hoping I've found it with Mr BBC but still remains to be seen.

Far Then that's a mate. Although I would give him brownie points for not cancelling and making the effort to go out with a sore neck!

When he kisses me I feel it. He looks at me and holds my stare in the most lustful way it makes me quiver. I’m going to give it another try when his neck is better. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Ah you're the one with the sore neck man, bored I was puzzled then, Phoenix as my guy didn't mention a sore neck

Hi, long time lurker here and looking for a bit of advice as I’m thinking about joining the online dating game.
I have been looking into (and set up a profile currently minus photo as too chicken at the moment to take the plunge) Match.com but I’m a bit reluctant with signing up for so long, is it worth it? Is it hard to cancel like I keep reading, or can you recommend any better sites?
Thank you in advance from a very nervous first time online dater.