DH recently found out (by opening my post) that I'd taken out a loan (£3.5k) before we were married, to pay for some personal expenses. I was recently made redundant but I explained to him that I was on track with repayments, and I'd had the account suspended so it wouldn't accrue any more interest until I get another job. He went absolutely crazy, stormed out and sent me a text message telling me not to be there when he got home, so I went round to my friends. I'd not been there long and was having dinner when he sent another message saying he'd changed his mind and wanted me to go home. I explained that we were still eating and got this response
You're obviously not taking this very seriously. You're going to need to work very fucking hard tonight just to stay married and you're worried about finishing your fucking dinner?! I'd suggest you put your fucking coat on and get home.
When I did eventually get home he'd gone to bed and put the chain across the front door "so I couldn't sneak in". It broke when I opened the door so I still got in the flat but he woke up. He came in to the front room, pointed at the sofa and told me that's where I'd be sleeping, and went back to bed.
He came in at 20 past 2 in the morning, having decided that was a good time to talk. He was still in a rage and didn't calm down until I started having a panic attack (I have anxiety depression). He decided that the next day we'd go to his parents and ask them to lend us the money to pay off the loan. I didn't want to bring them into it but he was insistent. They were actually much calmer about it than he was, said everybody makes mistakes and they'd also had to lend BIL money and not to worry about it.
So to the thing I have an issue with- up until now we've kept all our finances separate- the mortgage and all utilities are in his name,
I give him money each month to cover my share, do an equal amount of food shopping etc- we didn't open a joint account until we were married and that was only because we got a few cheques made out to both of us so we had to- otherwise we never use it. He's now saying that from now on he controls all the money, and that when I get a job I have to have my salary paid into his bank account and he'll give me an allowance. He's likened the arrangement to me being a SAHM and getting an allowance from his salary. As much as I can see where he's coming from I'm really reluctant to do that! Surely as long as I'm making the contribution we agreed on, the rest of my salary should be mine to do with as I please?