Hubby had private dance

[Shine123]

Hi
I have found out my partner has been to stripper while on a stag weekend away in Spain. He paid for a private dance lasting 15 minutes.
I found out they had visited strippers he denied going every time I asked him if he went. It's only because I found out he went and had a private dance he has had to confess.
I'm unsure if our relationship can survive this we have children and I'm pregnant
It's bad enough he went and had a private dance but somehow I feel if he was honest and told me about it, it wouldn't hurt as much.
Has anyone else been in similar situation? Could you work trough it or is it one a cheat always a cheat?

Sandy were the male students also lapdancing to make this easy money?

You have to be quite good looking and muscular to get a male stripper job and it's not everyone's cup of tea.... none of the male students would have managed it, but I've known guys doing strippergram jobs for extra money ...its easy money for them.

They get extra tips at hen nights too when they rub up closer .... maybe not a private dance ...but it's one on one.

It works both ways

This isn't only a female business, but most people only see what they want to see.

It's choices ... people make them ...but this perception that women are always taken advantage of isn't true IMO.

They have good looks and great figures .. so they use it to their advantage.

Personally, I feel sorry for anyone... male or female who has to get their kit off to earn a living. It makes me cringe.

This reminds me of SOWs (single other women) having affairs and blaming the MM. "he said the marriage was dead" "just there for the kids" No. If you're stupid enough to fall for that crap and use it as justification to shag a MM...then tough luck.

Another bunch hired a stripper for a hotel room, didn't have any money, so through coins at her until she left... I've not spoken to him since that story.

What a bunch of utter arseholes

It’s not a female only business but there’s no denying that the large majority of customers are Male and the large majority of sex industry workers are female.

I can think of at least 3 strip clubs in my city (one of which has recently been shut down for being dodgy). All of which cater to heterosexual men. I don’t know of any equivalent establishments for women. They may exist but in much smaller numbers.

It is predominantly a business created by men, for men at the expense of women. There’s no denying that surely.

"It works both ways "

Yeah, course it does. And the power dynamic is identical.

I hadn't ever really thought about it but would never have considered it anything other than being by men, for men at the expense of women.

It's seedy whoever it is for or by though!

It is predominantly a business created by men, for men at the expense of women. There’s no denying that surely.

It's at the expense of other men. They are the ones with empty pockets at the end of the night.

There is so much sexism in society that hurts women and leaves them powerless, but strip clubs aren't an example of that. Many women are victims of sexism, and many fight against it. It is often forgotten that there is a 3rd option: for women to use the sexism as a means to their own ends.

I'm all for fighting sexism. It wasn't a privilege that I had when I was young as I had a very hand to mouth existence. My choices were to stay a victim of sexism or use sexism. I chose to use it.

Be annoyed at your bloke going to a club all you want, but not for the sake of the women who earn a living there. It's a patronizing attitude that comes from a place of privilege.

There is a whole industry dedicated to servicing the suppose sexual needs of men....they can't be expected to be in control of their sexual urges

No, we have a whole industry dedicated to making money. This isn't public service, this exists to make money. Everything that happens in a club is about getting a man to take the money out of his pocket. While the laws vary from place to place, it is a controlled environment (it has to be to make the most money) and therefore men who aren't in control of their sexual urges are kicked out.

@DeleteOrDecay -- I liked your posts. While the exact words you and I use for some this aren't the same, one we can agree on is "sad." It is very sad that for some women, their lives up to this point have left them with such poor options. The majority of women who work in this industry were repeatedly sexual assaulted when they were children or adolescents.

Ironically, even though I don't care if my DH (or before him my boyfriends) go to a strip club once in a blue moon as part of a bachelor party or work related thing or whatever, men who know me well end up coming to the conclusion that topless clubs are depressing.

You are missing the point coyote. No-one has made any point about the women working in the clubs. People are making points about the men visiting the clubs (that they are at the very least comfortable with the idea consent to sexual behaviour is something men have a right to purchase from women for money, objectification of women, with misogyny generally etc) and the sex industry as a whole (that the sex industry exists in the way that it does because of the above).

No-one has said women are ‘brainless’ or ‘helpless’ apart from you.

And people are not talking about women working in the sex industry in any way other than the fact that they feel they are part of all women who we feel are harmed generally by the existence of the sex industry in the context in which it does exist (sexist culture).

@offred - this is the quote, "I can possibly imagine getting past and infidelity with a consenting adult - maybe. But not the procurement of another woman as a commodity."

It's been re-posted and agreed with. It's a statement that degrades and comes from a place a privilege. Really. You don't get it because you can't see it from the other side. It's feminist babble that fails to take into consideration the experiences of women who have had the life experiences.

It would only make sense if we were discussing human trafficking. We aren't. We are discussing strippers.

I would hate this but I don't think it's worth ending your relationship over

It’s precisely because i’ve been sexually abused that I feel the way I do about the sex industry.

Having been a stripper in the past doesn’t give you the right to tell other women their boundaries for their relationships are ‘absurd’ and ‘overreaction’ and their feelings make men lie to them.

You know how you feel, you know how your experiences made you feel, you know what sense you got about how other people you used to work with felt. That’s all.

What I find particularly objectionable is the language of derision being repeatedly used to dismiss how other people feel and what they do in their lives.

No-one has criticised women working in the sex industry.

And you can’t argue that you did it because of the money and your history of abuse and have worked hard to make sure those conditions that drove you to it don’t apply to your daughters and then at the same time state people objecting to the commodification of women’s consent are degrading women...

"Having been a stripper in the past doesn’t give you the right to tell other women their boundaries for their relationships are ‘absurd’ and ‘overreaction’ and their feelings make men lie to them."

You're right about that. I agree with you.

"It's at the expense of other men. They are the ones with empty pockets at the end of the night"

No one is forcing them in.
This is inferring that men cant control their behaviour .........a very sinister road to start going down.

It's not inferring that they can't control their behavior. They make a choice to walk through the door.

Men absolutely MUST be able to control their behavior to hang out in a topless club. It is controlled environment, because it has to be in order to make the most money and stay safe for the employees.

I'd rather be alone forever than be with a man or woman who thinks it's ok to buy consent like that and treat human beings like pieces of meat for a laugh and/or their own sexual satisfaction.