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Original poster

Hubby had private dance

191 replies

Shine123 · 02/10/2017 13:51

Hi
I have found out my partner has been to stripper while on a stag weekend away in Spain. He paid for a private dance lasting 15 minutes.
I found out they had visited strippers he denied going every time I asked him if he went. It's only because I found out he went and had a private dance he has had to confess.
I'm unsure if our relationship can survive this we have children and I'm pregnant
It's bad enough he went and had a private dance but somehow I feel if he was honest and told me about it, it wouldn't hurt as much.
Has anyone else been in similar situation? Could you work trough it or is it one a cheat always a cheat?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 02/10/2017 22:08

"No need to be snarky Bert love."

Oh, I think there is every need.......

Lavendarhillslob · 02/10/2017 22:12

No need to be patronising, supercilious and sneering, Bert love.

BertrandRussell · 02/10/2017 22:14

"No need to be patronising, supercilious and sneering, Bert love."

Ah, no. I wasn't those things. Snarky I will happily own up to, Patronising, supercilious and sneering? Nope.

Lavendarhillslob · 02/10/2017 22:20

Yes you were.

LineysRun · 02/10/2017 22:27
Applebei · 02/10/2017 22:31

Well, I see we have a lot of people here who have never made a mistake.

People, on the whole, do sometimes make mistakes. He didn't commit a crime. He didn't physically hurt anyone. Whether you think the (legal) stripping business hurts women is a wider question for society, but at this point in time "we" (the government) deem it permittable.

There are many worse things a partner could do. If he is truly sorry I would try to find a way to heal from this.

OP, I hope you and your husband find a way to communicate honestly about this together and that you find a way to go forward from this. Best of luck.

Applebei · 02/10/2017 22:33

And by "mistake" I do not mean "accident". He did it on purpose, for sure. But it was a mistake.

CoyoteCafe · 02/10/2017 22:50

"So because that’s not how the women in the clubs feel other women are ‘absurd’ or ‘overreacting’ because they feel differently." You have a right to feel how you feel, but lots of people here are advocating the OPer ending her marriage because of the plight of strippers. When you are making a case that some one else should in their marriage, I think that a more realistic view point is in order.

Ending a marriage is a really big deal. Sometimes it is the best option.

But unless there are other issues, it doesn't make any sense to me to end your marriage over one visit to a strip club. Go to counseling together. Cut out stag weekends and instead spend the time (and money) doing something as a family. But if there aren't any other issues, then this is one you can work through.

On the other hand, if there are a ton of other problems and you are looking for an excuse to end it, then you have one. Because you questioned him repeatedly and somehow investigated other ways, I can't help but wonder if there were problems with trust and honesty before this.

BertrandRussell · 02/10/2017 22:50

"Well, I see we have a lot of people here who have never made a mistake."

I've made lots of mistakes.

how can you have a private dance at a strip club by mistake?

AnyFucker · 02/10/2017 22:53

I reckon op is "not what "she" seems"

BertrandRussell · 02/10/2017 22:54

I don't think people are suggesting the OP end her marriage because of the plight of strippers. They are suggesting that they would end their own marriages if they discovered that the man they were married to did not care about the plight of strippers, and thought it was ok to treat women and their consent as things to be used, bought and sold.

stitchglitched · 02/10/2017 22:56

It would be a deal breaker for me. I would be repulsed by a man who treats women like commodities to be bought and sold. I don't care if the woman involved feels empowered and is stripping her way through law school, the kind of man who views women like this is not one who I want in my life.

Notthemessiah · 02/10/2017 22:58

Ironic, given your username Bertrand, that you don't seem to be too good with words or can (deliberately) ignore the fact that they can have different meanings.

Notthemessiah · 02/10/2017 23:00

Why do say that Anyfucker?

bluit · 02/10/2017 23:02

OP, is this the "brass who he sniffed gear off of"?

I can't bring myself to write what he actually said.

DeleteOrDecay · 02/10/2017 23:02

is saying that they are buying women, which just isn't true
What are they buying then?

Maybe buying isn’t the right word, how about renting. They are renting a woman’s body for their own sexual gratification.

Lovely.

NameChangeFamousFolk · 02/10/2017 23:03

how can you have a private dance at a strip club by mistake?

C'mon. You're just being absurd.

Who hasn't accidentally drunk too much and - while trying to fit in - and being lead astray, and caving to peer pressure, paid for a 15 minute lap dance and then repeatedly lied about it?

He obviously accidentally forgot to have zero respect for the woman he married and the woman he paid to grind away on him. He also forgot about anything he might have know about the sex trade, misogyny and personal responsibility.

lots of people here are advocating the OPer ending her marriage because of the plight of strippers

What thoughtless crap.

stitchglitched · 02/10/2017 23:07

Perhaps he was so drunk he misread the sign as Line Dancing Club? Poor chap. Could accidentally happen to anyone.

BeatriceBeaudelaire · 02/10/2017 23:07

The lying would piss me off more than the dance .
I would be irritable but not a dealbreaker about the dance. Ask him why he thought it was ok?

AnyFucker · 02/10/2017 23:07

Advance search is enlightening

Op's "hubby" is either a seasoned and prolific user of the sex trade or op is starting threads to enjoy the ensuing bunfight

AnyFucker · 02/10/2017 23:10

He's been sniffing gear off a brass's clit. Apparently.

And all the cool girls tell us it's "no touching and only boobs" during these fun harmless adventures

Something doesn't add up here

LineysRun · 02/10/2017 23:10

This website is just so full of shit these days.

AnyFucker · 02/10/2017 23:11

Too right, liney. Stinks to high heaven.

SquirrelPlantedBeech · 02/10/2017 23:12

Glad I’m not the only one who thinks something isn’t adding up. I remembered OP’s nn from an ‘odd’ thread a couple of days ago.

HelenaDove · 02/10/2017 23:25

Coyote strip clubs have likely changed a lot in 30 years and it must be 30 years because i remember you posting either on this thread or another one that you are 51 so it must be 30 years ago if it was when you were at uni.

Would you be ok with a daughter doing it?

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