Would you tell wife of affair if she was 7 months pregnant?

[namedchangedforthis12345]

I have deliberately name changed for this (honey's blue immaced baby, penguin enclosure date, NY where Mumsnet got shut down etc) because I genuinely didn't know, but am not in a good place to take stick if people don't believe me.... so....

I started seeing a guy about 18 months ago. He was an ex from aprox 10 years ago, and it started out as FWB type thing. I am friends with his sister / mates on fb etc, but he doesn't use it. I am a single parent so he has always come to mine, though I have been to his parents a few times when they were away. I've never thought it odd as I rarely get a babysitter so haven't had opportunity, he just always came here or we met for lunch in town etc. I have always called / texted whenever I pleased. I am trying to cover all bases of our history here so you don't think it was odd!

I discovered last night he is married, and his wife is 7 months pregnant. I am absolutely gutted, angry, ashamed, embarrassed etc. This was 18 bloody months we have been together. I have told him not to contact me again, and have no intention of doing anything to spite him, I just feel numb almost? (ironic given my list of feelings above!)

My question is, do I tell his wife? I have always been a believer that women stick together, but she is due in November and I genuinely am not sure it is better not to know in this situation. For full disclosure, my ex left when I was pregnant, so this may be tainting my view on things too.

Please don't kick me for this, I felt sick when I found out and its been a particularly shitty last 24 hours.

Poor woman (and you) - I would tell her now or not at all.
I would message her with your phone number asking to speak to her.

I'm sorry you've been unwittingly been put in this awful place OP but from a medical concern for this pregnant woman and her unborn baby, I think it's important, vitally, that she be made aware of the risk that her husbands infidelity may have placed her and her baby in. Yes, shock factor is a risk BUT I'd think that an infection transmitted by her cheating spouse is a much greater risk. Sorry again.

His wife might not suspect anything at all and if you tell her, the stress could harm the baby. As much as you think you’d be doing her a favour by telling her, I think it’s best to leave it. I’m currently 6 months pregnant and I wouldn’t want to know until a few months after I’ve had the baby. I wouldn’t be able to cope with the stress and the idea of doing it on my own. I would leave it. I feel for you, it’s not your fault though, he completely lied and manipulated you, don’t feel guilty over this, you were none the wiser x

I'd find it cruel if you would tell her. She is very vulnerable. Go get yourself tested and keep in mind her OB/GYN will have run tests on her. If you came up with an STI/STD diagnosis speak to your ex lover and have him break the news. Don't insert yourself in their life.

Just think of that little baby and how you would feel as a new mum if just before delivery you had the rug pulled from underneath you. Please don't do it.

I'd tell. It's the not the same but my DH died when I was 36 weeks PG. The stress will not harm the baby - the body protects the baby. She absolutely needs to time to think and sort her plans out. He will cheat again.

I would tell her. Yes it will upset the wife, but the sooner she knows the sooner she can make decisions and move on with her life. If it was me, I would 100% want to know even if it was painful at the time.