Is this normal behaviour?

[changeusernameforthisonen]

My partner left the family home last night supposedly temporarily after a row about her lack of ability to seem to be able to get out of bed on a weekend before mid day despite having an 8 year old step daughter to parent .

My question ?
Would you expect this behaviour of your partner?
She says she wants space and it's completely normal to leave for days post an argument . My opinion is that it's not ok to just leave the family home in a moments whim . For context we have been together 6 years , one Dd ( mine ) planned baby in next couple of years

no YOU have a DD

do you work full time aswell? 9-5 also?

At won t?

Pardon ??? Have you read any of the thread .

I work slightly less than full time to enable me to do 100 percent of school picks and before and after school care

At 37, I can't see a baby changing her.
People aren't fixed in stone.
I had my first DC at 40 and it changed me dramatically!

It's not to do with her age, but her choices and attitude.

Wow, 37!! - she's a twat - sorry but she is.
I'd be texting her telling her NOT to bother coming back.

I can totally empathise with how you are feeling. My ex liked to call himself step-dad. Liked to put on a show of being a family but did the same as your partner, stayed in bed until all hours. It was a miserable existence. Yes, I'd take the kids out but I always felt a bit shit about it. Especially if he was still in bed when we got home mid afternoon. All the chores were then left for me to do. It's not the only reason he is an ex but in hindsight it was a good indicator of what a selfish arsehole he was.

As for your partner doing a disappearing act. That is juvenile and shirking responsibilities. I would honestly consider if you want your DD growing up thinking it is ok to treat "loved" ones like this. Good luck with everything.

Sorry if I come across harsh OP in my posts however you shouldn't be waiting around for someone to be arsed to spend time with you or your DD!

I would wait till she's back explain again why your upset, if things don't improve within a fix amount of time I would move on.

You cannot wait around for people to change because what happens if they don't? how long will you wait for?

I think you could do a lot better than her. And I'd be very wary about having a baby with someone who has abusive relatives, too.

What behaviour of yours is she unhappy with?

She sounds like a lazy bugger who needs to grow up.

Clearly you shouldn't still be talking about having a child together. You don't even sound as though you like her.

Regardless of your genders your dd is yours to parent and it seems like your dp has always been rather lazy, so probably won't change.

Do not bring any more children into this relationship.

She is upset with my "behaviour" when I called her out in this at 4.30 on Saturday morning when I was trying to sleep and she wouldn't turn the to off .
I said it wasn't great parenting on her part and that others had commented on it.
That was the argument
I apologised in the morning first thing for shouting ( which i did at 4.30 am )

So to sum up then OP a serious talk on the cards.

Whats your living situation do you rent or is it a joint mortgage etc? Can you manage without the second wage?

A 37 year old woman still behaving like a teenager is not going to change.

What amazes me is why do you put up with her selfish shit behaviour? I would be raging at her watching telly when I'm trying to sleep! I would kick her out of bed and tell her to watch tv downstairs.

And yes as other posters have said, don't hang about waiting for her to get up. Just take your DD out on your own or maybe find some other people to go out with?
I think you need to rethink this relationship. You deserve better and so does your DD.

And definitely don't have a baby with this woman.

My house , my mortgage . Split finances . She pays me an amount each month j

I would lose my house without her my ex husband is meant to pay half the mortgage but he is sporadic with payments .

Aside from this we do get on well together .
I agree she needs to grow up

She had the tv on af 4.30am. She does a disappearing act and is sending you nasty texts.

Why aren't her bags on the lawn?

Cross post. Can you get a court order for the money from your ex?

I agree she’s being childish. I think you know you need to break up with her - forget being a stepmum she wouldn’t be a good mum for any kids she gives birth to either.

Was the arrangement for your ex to pay half the mortgage done through a legal agreement?

I would work round this by going out with your DD on Saturday morning's say gymnastics or swimming then maybe all going somewhere in the afternoon say the cinema, trampolines, gardens etc then have a family day out on Sunday. Agree a solution you are both happy with and if you can't you should be having a baby together. You both need to reach a compromise.

The other possibility is a medical issue causing this like I had a friend with thyroid problems who did this but went undetected for years, depression can also cause it. A few routine doctors tests might be a good idea if she feels she has to sleep that long.

It doesn't sound like the relationship is that good though if she's walked out and you're complaining about her on here. I wouldn't do either to someone I loved.

No nothing legal.
I've been through child maintenance a bunch of times ( they are useless)
We take what he gives us and i Make my own money .

The plan is for myself and dp to buy a House together next year .

I have to believe this can be worked through

Just seen she was up until 4.30am, that will be the issue then. Doesn't sound like she wants to adjust to kids.

Just to clarify I do not believe my dp has a medical issue .

She is not excessively sleeping at all.

Going to bed at 3-5 am and getting up at mid day - 2pm is a normal 8 hour sleep cycle

I do not see why myself and Dd should have to compromise around it . It is bloody annoying for me to be kept up until 4.30 am when I have to be up at 6 ish .
I have bought very expensive ear plugs but I am a light sleeper

Please don't meld finances with her until she grows up.