Is this normal behaviour?

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My partner left the family home last night supposedly temporarily after a row about her lack of ability to seem to be able to get out of bed on a weekend before mid day despite having an 8 year old step daughter to parent .

My question ?
Would you expect this behaviour of your partner?
She says she wants space and it's completely normal to leave for days post an argument . My opinion is that it's not ok to just leave the family home in a moments whim . For context we have been together 6 years , one Dd ( mine ) planned baby in next couple of years

I could not live with someone (a grown adult) who slept until noon just for the sake of it.

And although it's not your DP's responsibility to 'parent' your child, it must be disruptive and unsettling for your DP to walk out with a moment's notice, and for you and your child not to know when she is expected to return.

I am a women .
My dp is a women .
I'm finding some of thee responses quite ludicrous "parent your own child ".

Can't quite believe some opinions of people on here

Perhaps you should have said co parent in your op, it sounded like you want her to parent the child, not you iykwim. It's very odd to lie in till that time if you have a child, step or no, and leaving the house like that seems very strange, and childish tbh, there must be more to it than that. You really need to have a proper talk about what's going on.

You can't have a baby with someone who won't get out of bed! Don't even think about it.

Honestly I think she has issues, perhaps depression or similar but the running away thing I think is part of this problem.
Staying in bed til midday at weekends - is there a reason? Does she have a condition that requires her to have more sleep than usual? Does she go to bed very late? Or excessively drink or take drugs?

I think you need to communicate more about your feelings - see what the problem is

Yes my brilliant I agree!

She has asked to be a co parent .
She says she will get up after every conversation we've had in the past but then doesn't follow through

I think it's incredibly childish to have left and I am incredibly angry for my Dd . Especially as we have no idea when she is coming home

I'm still pretty shocked about a lot of responses on here about the expectations of a step parent .
We are not talking a one off it is every weekend .

OP I can't understand why your partner is entitled either. I don't know why she thinks she is entitled, nor do I understand why she thinks its ok to just piss off as she's not happy over something. And I can't understand why other posters think she is entitled either.

You live as a family unit and have done for some time. Is this seriously how it works in a step parent relationship, that the step parent just gets to say "not my circus not my monkeys" all the time and fuck off? Or is this because some posters think the OP is male whereas it was clear from the get go that the partner tucked up in bed was female?

Flumpybear she likes to stay up late watching movies ( think 3am ) . It is a source of confrontation as it is in our bedroom and I can't sleep and then I have to parent my Dd on very little sleep

Thanks staples. I have Been pretty shocked too at the responses .

You don't sound very compatible.

Aside from this issue , we are pretty good .

I agree she has issues she needs to sort out .

Your child, your responsibility. Don't wait for step mum to get up, go out and have some fun with YOUR child. And seriously, do not even think about having a child together, your partner is far from ready to be a parent.

Ps.... walking away from an argument is not always a bad thing.

I feel sorry for DD who is obviously being made to wait around pretty much all day (when you're a kid 2pm is pretty much late in the day) to go out.
Why not go out and do something active with DD in the morning like a bike ride/swimming - come home for lunch and then head out as a family in the afternoon.
Lot's of other families operate this way - they don't only go out when all of them want to go out. It's not much of a life for your DD is it?
It does however sound like your DP is trying to avoid coming out with you and DD and is hiding upstairs in bed. I don't see how adding another small baby into the mix will be a positive step tbh.

Movies till 3am and TV in your bedroom. I had to scroll up there to check if this was AIBU where posters often take the polar opposite stance just for a bun fight, but no its in the right topic definitely.

OK, so if this was a man treating you like this, everyone would be saying he was an arse. So I'll say it, she is behaving like an arse, is that how she normally is, what else is wrong and what else is right - do you need to re-examine the whole relationship? Can you sit down when DD is away and discuss how the family works? Tell her TV and sleeping in thing is not going to continue. Put your DD first; how is this going to work for her long term?

Staples corner I agree . I also think a lot of people have commented assuming I'm a man and am the non residential parent trying to shirk my responsibilities onto my poor tired partner .

I can assure you Dd has a great life and we do go out all the time . It's just sad not with my dp who is in bed

I think a lot depends on other circumstances

Does she work full time, shifts, what time is she up and about during the week day. For instance my dp gets up between 1.30am to 4am work days so I think it's totally reasonable he catches up on sleep over a weekend.

I have 2 dc from a previous relationship, I consider myself v lucky that my dp helps put 50/50, however I'd never expect this as they are not his dc.

Regardless if any dc I'd find it difficult to be with someone who's sleeping habits are theses. You need to remove her from any activities on the weekend mornings and stop putting your plans on hold.

Staples Is this seriously how it works in a step parent relationship, that the step parent just gets to say "not my circus not my monkeys" all the time and fuck off?

IME this is how it works in a step situation when the step parent is at the end of their tether. If the DSD is acting up and her parent isn't dealing with it adequately, the SM is expected to help out with all the shit work but gets told to butt out of decisions which affect her etc then yes, the advice from those who've been there, done that, is usually "take a step back, take yourself off to your room and let the parent deal with it. The child has two parents already they don't need another" etc

So that's why the OP is getting these seemingly hostile replies - because for those of us who've tried to be involved with parenting someone else's child and realised that their mum/dad doesn't appreciate having a third adult involved, stepping away and saying "not my circus" can be liberating.

My dp wants to carry the baby . So is requesting that I raise her baby as my own.
I am fine with that but have agreed with her that she needs to take my Dd as her own

To confirm again she works 9-5 .
Monday to Friday

You are dripfeeding....

There are a few issues;

1. You are unhappy with the relationship because of your DP staying up late and keeping you awake.

1. You are unhappy with the relationship because your DP's words don't match her actions (wanting PR but not being an active member of the family).

1. You are mad to consider a new baby given the above.

You seem to be trying to make your life around what she says but her actions don't match her words and she absents herself when you try to discuss it.

Probably you need to accept this relationship isn't going to work out and therefore it is a good thing she hasn't been involved as a proper step mother.

I'm really sorry for drip feeding .
I'm trying to clarify my thoughts
I'm very upset currently

XP used to lie around in bed all day.
First we waited.
Then we (me and DD) just got about our own day without him.
Then I detached completed (sleeping late on weekends was just a part of it, but indicative of bigger issues).
Then I left him.
Now I'm much happier.

If the DSD is acting up and her parent isn't dealing with it adequately, the SM is expected to help out with all the shit work but gets told to butt out of decisions which affect her etc then yes, the advice from those who've been there, done that, is usually "take a step back, take yourself off to your room and let the parent deal with it.

Did the OP say any of this was the case? Where did you get that from FeedMe? However I do agree that the child has parents already and doesn't need a third one. But it would be nice if she could see that the other adult living in the house cared about her and her mum.

She won't change. She is who she is. I wouldn't find it acceptable in a partner. It's up to you whether you think it is.

I think the negative responses you have had are more down to the way you wrote your OP.

But I agree that the issue is her conduct in the relationship and the family unit, not her parenting ability on its own.

I agree she has issues she needs to sort out
^^ that is part of your problem. You're blaming her. There's no self-analysis about your role in any of this. You're diagnosing 'issues' for her to sort but not offering support.

I think it's fine for someone to leave the house during an argument. It's much better than staying at home and prolonging the argument and it shouldn't be upsetting your DD unless you are making it a big issue for her eg blaming your DP for events not happening and making it a stress about whether or not she's going to return. You need to remove your DD from the middle of all of this.

You don't have a great relationship. You shouldn't be planning to have a baby and tbh I think you'd be better considering counselling. You've been partners for a long time but you're obviously not talking and listening to each other.