Is this normal behaviour?

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My partner left the family home last night supposedly temporarily after a row about her lack of ability to seem to be able to get out of bed on a weekend before mid day despite having an 8 year old step daughter to parent .

My question ?
Would you expect this behaviour of your partner?
She says she wants space and it's completely normal to leave for days post an argument . My opinion is that it's not ok to just leave the family home in a moments whim . For context we have been together 6 years , one Dd ( mine ) planned baby in next couple of years

Boris is spot on. Anyway, would it matter if you were waiting to take your DD out, or waiting to start the decorating, or waiting to go to Sainsbury's or whatever - you haven't agreed that one of you should get to watch TV till 3am, keep the other person awake and then stay in bed every weekend and that's the real issue, its completely disrespectful to you (and to your DD).

I think once you move into a more family life with DC, one person lying around all day snoring just isn't on. Its a single persons life she is living.

Sure it's nice to have a lie in and if one person can lie in on Sat and another on Sun that is great teamwork.

Post DC my definition of lie-in has certainly been redefined - its 9am or 10am MAXIMUM.

The problem is sm are so often told not to interfere in raising step children, they have two parents etc. Do not get involved, then get lynched if they so much as over step a boundary or if they don't do enough, they can't win.

Having your own child is very different than having a sc, so I don't think it is really fair to say she wouldn't be a good mum because she lies in, as when it is your own you do natural do those things.

Having said that your relationship seems to have issues, she is promising to change and not, she storms off after arguments for days, and is keeping you awake at night watching film etc. till 3am.

I wouldn't have a child with her and I wouldn't give her PR until she can actually show some willing and change. Perhaps couples counselling, would help

we have Dd and want to have family days

Sorry but I don't think she wants to have family days or she'd get up.

She is not going to change. It has been going on for years and if it hasn't changed by now, it won't.

I could not be with someone who was selfish enough to keep me up until 3am and then not participate in family life.
Really look at why you are with this person.
From the sound of it she doesn't make you happy.
I think if she has a baby you will be left 'holding it', so to speak.
She will have done 'all the hard work' and now it's your turn.
Do NOT have a child with this woman.
Do you work full-time?
Could you manage without her?

How can she have parental responsibility when your child has a mother and a father who are active in her life?

Why does your partner think she deserves parental responsibility when she takes no responsibility for your child at weekends?

Why doesn't your partner sit in the living room to watch TV at night?

Your living arrangements are not compatible. She lives as though she's single and only has to consider herself. She walks off and stays away in a way that only a single person can do.

She doesn't see herself as your partner, I'm sorry. I would not have a child with her.

It does seem a bit odd that she does this only on the weekend that you have your DD. Does your DD live with you through out the week? How is your dp with your DD when they are together? Does she act like a parent then?

Your DP sounds like someone who needs her own space - needs to recharge by herself - which I can sympathise with. However, at some point you have to act like a grown-up and I'd expect her to communicate that need to you and negotiate something that works for all of you.

I don't think her behaviour is on tbh. She needs to step up and be more involved with family life before you even consider giving her parental rights or co-parenting another child with her.

Notafish as previously said she does this every weekend .
We have Dd all the time aside from EOW.

I work almost full time.
I am exhausted .
There is a lot of talk about her recharging her batteries but what about mine.
Dp is reasonably involved with DD. She leaves house at 8am and back at 6.30 .
Occasionally she puts Dd to bed . I do the rest ,
Dp is good with cooking .

Wow what a tone change in this thread once op clarified she was a woman, not a man. Really interesting.

It's unreasonable but I think you need to just take DD out yourself, it's not fair for her to miss out/have a shit weekend due to your partner. Then try and talk about it another time when you're both calm, perhaps when dd is seeing your dad. Try and frame it such that you find out why she is behaving this way. Is she deliberately avoiding time together?

How long did you partner leave the home for? Getting some space for half an hour is a healthy way to deal with anger but not sure from your post if she is still not back or what.

I agree the responses are strange - but that's because people assumed, from your OP, that you are a straight man with a visiting SD who you are expecting your dp to get up and parents. So, hackles raised.

Given that you are living as a family FT, and your dp wants to have parental responsibility and another child, it is vital that you set up a shared understanding of what co-parenting is. Don't assume that things will just change when the next baby comes (trust me: I am also in a lesbian relationship with two kids and I am repenting at leisure my failure to stand my ground at the start).

For some people, it's unthinkable not to have a lie in at the weekends. Fine; but maybe then you get one each, let go of the idea of 'family time' in the mornings, and just make sure family activities happen in the afternoons?

But seriously, don't have a baby till you have sorted this out. Your dp doesn't sound happy and she doesn't sound committed to the family you currently have. Don't bring another baby into it before you have worked out - through counselling, if necessary - if you have a shared commitment to and understanding of family life.

In the meantime, don't make your dd wait around: take her out.

I think you worded your OP quite badly. But the problem is clear - your DP's priorities and desires are different to yours. As someone else said, the fact that you and DD are waiting around is almost irrelevant - the issue would be there if you'd agreed to do some DIY or to visit friends or anything else that might require getting up at a decent time.

Having said that, if she feels strongly about being able to sleep as much as this you either need to accept it and work around it, or move on. I know parents where one has said upfront that early starts aren't an option. It always amazes me that the other accepts this. But... if they do, and are happy to do so and feel the other elements of the relationship work, then who am I to say how people should live their lives?

But if you don't like this behaviour, and it's dealbreaker, then you do need to consider whether you want to be with this woman long term.

You want her to be an equal parent to your child.
Yet you refer to the baby that she would carry as you then raising her child.
Unless you absolutely 100% see a child carried by her as our child, then don't do it.

You sound totally incompatible over the late night / lie in / family time expectations. I don't know why you're together.

I actually think it's fine for a stepparent not to take a full parenting role - as long as everyone is aware and agreed to that. My fiancé would never check with me if it's OK to go on a bike ride with his friends on a Sunday, instead of going swimming with my daughter and me. He loves her - but she's not his. Of course, if I said "I'm off to a hen do - could you be home with child on Sunday?" he'd cancel his bike ride in a heart beat because we're a family.

Your girlfriend isn't doing anything wrong being a natural night owl and wanting to watch TV until 03:00 and then sleep late.

She is being very selfish if that 03:00 is in your bedroom and disturbing you though!

But in principle - she likes late nights, lie ins, and not to be doing family days on weekend mornings. That's fine.

But it's also perfectly fine for you to think - she doesn't suit me. And end it.

FGS don't have a baby!

Just to clarify she isn't back yet and I don't know when she will be

All the comments about changing tone - really? I thought it was blindingly obvious that the OP was a woman.

Her staying up until the early wee hours and then staying in bed until the afternoon is a rather teenage behaviour. I agree with others that you can't continue taking steps to have a child together if her behaviour is so consistently immature in a way that you can't cope with because you will always be at loggerheads and that is no environment to being a child into.

Meantime, you need to crack on with Saturdays with you own DD without her. Don't let her dictate that you wait for her. You could fit in practically a whole day's shopping and other activities before your partner is up and ready.

Has she been in tough at all?
Walking out and not coming back is totally unacceptable.
Do you know where she goes when she buggers off?
It's an unstable environment for your DD.
Really consider what you want for yours and your DD future.
She won't change any time soon.

I didn't mention gender in the op as it shouldn't make a difference, this was about acceptable behaviour in a relationship and gender shouldn't come into it

I thought op was a man in the beginning but it became clear pretty quickly this wasn't the case. I was pretty surprised at the first comments even so.

Your dp is acting appallingly. I think the faster you kick her to the curb or kick her out, the better it will be. This is no way for a young child to live. You are most certainly not a family unit. Do not agree to have a child with her please.

I thought it was possibly the same op as the partner drinking in pregnancy but with name changed. If not, good news if that means the other party is not expecting yet.

My DH used to be like this but has got much better in recent years. If he hadn't I think I would have left him by now. It was miserable and led to deep resentment.

It's a bit of a lose-lose this one. If DP is transformed by birth of her own biological child and starts having early nights and getting up with the lark- - how will DD feel?

Does she stay in bed on the weekends when your child is with her dad?

Not at all. The OP read totally like a lazy dad expecting woman of the house to do the parenting, and let's face it, that scenario is very common on here. So I'm not at all surprised at the early replies.

OP I don't think you should be planning a baby with her. She's not looking like someone who wants a family life and routine, whatever she may say. You may just not be compatible. And although she ought to get up earlier when a day out is planned, I can't believe you wait around till 2pm for her to wake. Just get on with your day out! It makes it look like making that point to your gf, having her come down and find you sat there with sad faces, is more important to you than your DD having a nice day out.

Just to clarify she does this every weekend .

She is 37 . Five years older than I am

I do know who she is with ( family )

I have had some unpleasant texts about "my " behaviour

Aside from that I don't know when she is coming badk