Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner got a custodial sentence today

190 replies

Blushingm · 22/09/2017 16:05

And I’m sad

I know he has to face up to his actions and take the consequences but I’m sad and I’m going to miss him

OP posts:
DancesWithOtters · 22/09/2017 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whinesalot · 22/09/2017 18:28

There is straight talking and then there is saying it so straight that the op stops reading

Go easy on her. She needs help to extract herself not belittling. Sad

Butterymuffin · 22/09/2017 18:28

You can do a lot better than this OP. Use this time to make a life for yourself without him.

Gingernaut · 22/09/2017 18:29

Run. Now he's gone. Run.

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2017 18:31

You have children op? I really hope you haven't introduced them to this man. God, just stop and think about what you're doing here. What you're teaching them. Please tell me they don't know him? They don't know about him and they will never have the misfortune to meet him?

drinkswineoutofamug · 22/09/2017 18:32

Again another level but my daughter is a drug taking violent alcoholic.
I work for the NHS
But under all of this she is a caring mixed up child, whom I have tried to help.
OP pm if you want. I get where your coming from, but I also understand what other posters are saying. He broke the law drink driving, and in our jobs we end up picking up the pieces from the actions of people like him. He treats you with disrespect, only you can fix this.
It's a harsh place to be in at the moment

Finola1step · 22/09/2017 18:33

Blushing may I ask you about the timing of you getting together properly? I strongly suspect that he knew that he would get a custodial and that's why he stopped dicking you about and started telling you that he wanted to make a go of it. Because you are a very useful girlfriend for him right now. A student nurse, stabilising influence, somewhere to live etc etc. All helpful when one is hoping for an early release.

You're being played like an old piano.

Original poster
Blushingm · 22/09/2017 18:34

Whinesalot (and a few others) thank you - at least you tried to be kind

Just because he has done bad things and made horrendous stupid decisions - why does that make me such a bad person?

OP posts:
Herechickychicky · 22/09/2017 18:34

Just because you have feelings for him doesn't mean you have to be with him.

Please use this six months to get some counselling and sort your head out.

Original poster
Blushingm · 22/09/2017 18:36

Drinkswineoutofamug - thank you too. My mum was an alcoholic- it killed her - but she wasn’t an evil person - just troubled and ill

OP posts:
ILoveMillhousesDad · 22/09/2017 18:37

he can be kind and considerate and thoughtful

Is that whilst he drives drunk, potentially endangering lives, or is he considerate, whilst considering which drugs to take?

Thoughtful, whilst tapping his message out to other women on plenty of fish.

You are a student nurse, about to embark on a worthwhile career.

This scumbag loser will do nothing but drag you down with him.

What has happened to you in your past that your relationship bar is set so very low, it's underground.

BeautifulLiar · 22/09/2017 18:38

Blushing

I didn't even know my ex husband drove whilst drunk until he took MY car out while I was 7 months pregnant and asleep, and he was pissed. He wrote it off.

Movingon1611 · 22/09/2017 18:38

What would happen if he got drunk, wanted to get in the car and you took his keys to stop him? Would he accept he wasn't allowed to drive in his inebriated state or would he kick off? Would he hurt you?

You say he can be kind and considerate but if you stood in the way of him doing what he wanted would he be?

I get that you have feelings for him, I get that he's in your head, I've been there and am still trying to get my ex out of my head even though he beat me up- slow progress.
The fact he's been sent to prison has done you a massive favour. Please use this time to look at your relationship.
You say you don't at all condone his behaviour yet he's done it multiple times and you're still by his side. Show him how completely against it you are and don't take this crap anymore

ElfEars · 22/09/2017 18:38

If you condone this behaviour by sticking by him you are just as bad as he is IMHO. Surely you don't want this sort of influence in your child's life. Leave. Run for the hills before he drags you down with him.

eurochick · 22/09/2017 18:38

You've got 24 weeks to figure out why you value yourself to the point where you choose this person as your partner. Aren't you worth more?

Ilovevegas · 22/09/2017 18:39

Op- you were obviously aware of what he was like before embarking on a relationship with him, for that there is zero sympathy. Different story if he was sold to you as this amazing guy then changed after babies/marriage etc.

You were fully aware of him as a person & made a choice to form a relationship with him.

Do you suffer from low self esteem/self worth? You need to address this. You're worth more than this, you can do better.

As a student nurse you may not have seen, but will at some point see, the destruction & devastation that drink driving causes.

You can have a bright future as a nurse, working your way up to management (if you so desire) you won't have that if you stay with him, he will hold you back. Don't let him do that to you.

DistractedByAFatDog · 22/09/2017 18:39

What he’s done doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

It makes him a bad person.

The fact you love a person like him means you have poor judgement.

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 22/09/2017 18:40

Just because he has done bad things and made horrendous stupid decisions - why does that make me such a bad person?
It doesn't make you a bad person. I really think they are trying to get through to you what a bad choice he is. He doesn't treat you well and disrespects you by cheating and taking drugs. You can do better, raise your standards and know that no one deserves to be treated badly or disrespected.

Whinesalot · 22/09/2017 18:41

You aren't a bad person op but you are letting your heart rule your head and it needs to be the other way round.
It takes strength and will be hard but you really do need to extricate yourself before he brings you down with him.

Re read Iwantlegos post. There are the many reasons why you shouldn't be with him. His lovely side does not make up for the horrible side.

Starlight2345 · 22/09/2017 18:43

why does that make me such a bad person?

It doesn't make you a bad person...However you deserve far better than this man. You won't help him.
You minimize what he has done in the posts.

he can be kind and considerate and thoughtful

But isn't every time he gets in the car, every time he drink, every time he breaks the law.... You didn't save your mum, you won't save him..

Find yourself some happiness.

PandorasXbox · 22/09/2017 18:43

Have some self respect and do yourself a favour and cut him off fgs.

He's a twat of the highest order.

Why can't you see that??

FuckingBUTTERbeans · 22/09/2017 18:43

You do have children though OP. This is the man you've chosen as their role model.

Yes, the OP's response was very careful: "We don't have children together", which wasn't what was asked. I would be ashamed if I exposed my kids to him as well. Having said that, posting what the OP has said in another thread is bad form. Better to say you've read the other thread and she's better off without him. People can use advanced search if they want to.

SandyY2K · 22/09/2017 18:44

In life we are responsible for the choices we make . This isn't good guy gone bad. He was bad from your FWB days....yet you chose to promote him to boyfriend/partner status....you chose this.

RestlessTraveller · 22/09/2017 18:44

Another fine example of this supportive site. Confused.

expatinscotland · 22/09/2017 18:45

You do have children though OP. This is the man you've chosen as their role model. confused

Oh, there'll be another one! 'I've fallen pregnant. Now I have to give up my course.' 'He's a brilliant dad when he's not drunk/high/in jail.'

I wish they'd lock up drink and drug drivers for years and years or find a way to disable their ability to drive for life. Drink drivers alone kill 300 people in the UK/annum.

There's nothing redeeming about one of these repeat offenders.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.