Partner got a custodial sentence today

[Blushingm]

And I’m sad

I know he has to face up to his actions and take the consequences but I’m sad and I’m going to miss him

The op has posted for help. She's not going to come back with some of the comments on here.

Op as someone said, your feelings are real and you must feel awful about the situation, however our job is to help you understand that you are worth more than someone like him. He is not good for you. He treats you badly and doesn't respect you. Why don't you think you deserve respect? Because you do. Is it because you don't respect yourself, don't think you are good enough for a decent guy?

It might be exciting trying to "catch him" and make him love you. But really just the way he is with you is awful and we have not even begun to discuss his lack of respect towards society and people in general. How can you think that someone who puts other peoples live in danger is a good guy?

Please, please take this opportunity whilst he is away to get some counselling and perspective on how bad this guy is. You deserve some one better. You really, really do. Please make an appointment with your GP and/or Women's Aid and ask how you can access counselling. At the very least do the programme on line.

Please op don't give this person the time of day however exciting he is.

blushing, you are getting some stick, I am feeling desperately sorry for you, some real shit must have happened in your life to make you think that you don't deserve better than your "partner" . You do deserve better, much better.

You deserve someone who respects you, is faithful to you, values you, works together with you to make a good life for both of you, is truthful, honest ,who is proud of being with you and who you are proud to be with.

He does have good points - he can be kind and considerate and thoughtful

That's good that he can be, and it's going to be hard for you while you miss him but he can also be unkind, inconsiderate and not at all thoughtful. He doesn't consider the impact on others of his drink driving, he didn't consider the implications of driving whilst disqualified and he sees you as insignificant because he's prepared to risk being away from you by drink driving in the first place and further risk enforced time away from you by driving despite his ban.

Is this what you want the rest of your life with him to be like? The chances are he will go to prison again, for longer next time and you are going to be alone again. You deserve so much better and I hope that you get it

As for a waste of tax payers money, I don't think that he is at all deserving. I'm sure you aren't a waste though, not many people are.

People can’t help who they care about, emotions are not always rational

Most of us are perfectly capable of not getting romantically involved with a druggie drunk driver with a criminal record though. You can care for them without shagging them.

Honestly. Your self esteem must be rock bottom. You really need to get that sorted before you let this piece of shit ruin your life

I don't understand this at all:

He has a criminal record
Could easily be a deal breaker depending when and why.

is currently banned from driving but drives anyway,
Deal breaker, bans are for a reason.

drives drunk
Absolute Deal breaker. Drunk driving kills frequently. Especially if we are talking regular occurrence this is absolutely unacceptable, selfish and abhorrent.

drinks too much,
Potential deal breaker but definitely a deal
Breaker when combined with the above.

takes drugs
Deal breaker for me. I don't want any involvement with the drug scene and all it entails.

before Christmas he slept with his ex from 5 years ago
Assuming you were together at the time, deal breaker.

he chats to women on pof and for all I know meets up with them.
Deal breaker. He has zero respect for you.

Why on earth are you with this guy? What can he possibly do to make up for the fact that he's an addict who can't keep it in his pants with zero consideration for anyone else?

I can't say I'm sorry he's in jail tbh. It may well save lives since apparently it's the only way of keeping him off the road whilst drunk and disqualified.

People can’t help who they care about - you can make a choice whether or not to have a relationship with someone. This guy treats you terribly, breaks the Law & you still want to be with him?

Where is your self esteem?

Lucky escape darling. Use these months to take a proper look at the lovely hardworking sober blokes saving lives in the hospital with you, and do not even think for a minute that you owe him any sort of fidelity because you know for a fact that if the situation was reversed he'd be back on POF before your cell door slammed.

You can help who you care about. Or are you telling us that you care for a man who would happily get in a car drunk and kill one of our children?

^this

Use the time wisely and don't have him back, you can do much better. Work on your self esteem and confidence. Better to be alone than waste your life on a turd.

Please look at this as a lucky escape, a chance to boost your self esteem and an opportunity to move on without him dragging you down and bringing drama and heartbreak into every aspect of your life with his selfish and criminal behaviour. You deserve so much better.

It's interesting that you're working as a nurse where you're mixing with decent men in a wide variety of jobs - men who have seen the aftermath of all the problems this guy has been showing. They've picked up people who've died as a result of men like him.

And yet you are choosing to be with this man instead of looking for someone really decent.

There's a saying: "watch the film to the end." Picture your life with this man. Obviously you'll be much worse off, financially - you'd have to support him and pay for him to do nothing all day. If you had children with him, you wouldn't be able to leave them with him. While you're working long shifts he'll be chatting up women online, taking drugs, drinking. When you get home do you really think he'll have a hot meal waiting for you? No, his hands will be out - he'll want your car keys. He'll have had a drink and will want money for more. If you say no at the very least there'll be a huge argument.

Watch the film to the end, OP. Think about why your standards are so very low. What did you learn about relationships growing up?

And don't visit him in prison. He'll be all over you while he's in there - you'll be able to make his life easier. Don't fall for it.

Some of the advice in this thread is worth thinking about, OP, particularly before you reach the stage of having children. One of the nice things about working in the NHS is that you move around (e.g. on placements) and can meet lots of motivated and interesting young people.

Other than that, I'm sorry this has affected you as well and hope that you can focus on other things while he's inside.

You won't be having kids with him, but you do have kids of your own I believe? They deserve much better than having a man like this brought into their lives.

What a lot of nasty judgemental posts there are on here.

Have some and from me OP.

What a lot of nasty judgemental posts there are on here.

Yep. And when your child gets killed by a drunk driver I'm sure you won't judge them. Or the people that cared for them.

You are worth more than this. I hope you can use the time apart to have a clean break.

'You are a fool'

And for sure there will soon be a pregnancy post from the OP with WWYD?

Adults can help being in relationships with low life crims like this. He's a scumbag. Drunk drivers make me sick.

You do have children though OP. This is the man you've chosen as their role model.

GrumpyOldBag

When you have had to live through the heartbreak that drink driving causes, you might understand. The guy is a fucking parasite.

You need to pick yourself up...Have a break from him...Of course he would be lovely to you if you visit him in prison ..He has nothing else to do all day.

But in reality the streets are safer while he is off them. He doesn't sounds like someone who is going to have a lightbulb moment in there.

What can you do to make yourself feel better ? do you have friends? do you work? Do you have kids? make sure they been taught right from wrong.

Lots for you to work on to make your life a better place

OP, can I ask, is this really the relationship you envisioned for yourself? Is this really the future you thought you'd have? If not, why are you settling? I get that you love him, but love is not enough. You deserve respect as a minimum from your partner. Why do you think you've settled for someone like this?

Oh for goodness sake just do yourself a fucking huge favour and never have anything to do with him again.

Ugh! It’s been a tough week but this loser being locked up has made my day!

Aw Hun, I understand, he may be a drug-taking, drink-driving, cheating cunt, but he's your drug-taking, drunk-driving, cheating cunt. I can see why you'll miss him. I'm sure he will come out from prison having seen the error of his ways, and together you will walk off into the sunset.

ODFOD