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Original poster

3 sharing a room? Right or wrong?

204 replies

SnowLeopard6 · 21/09/2017 14:39

So, my gf and I are about to all live together. Her 3 children, and my 2. Into my house. We are planning to have an extension built. But in the meantime we are going to have to squeeze in.

My concern is this:
The youngest 3 are going to have to share a room. My 8yr boy, and 5yr daughter, and my gf's 8yr old son.

The room is currently my sons. My daughter will be giving up her room for my gf's teenage daughter. My children stay 2 nights a week and every other wknd. Gf's son will be in the room most of the time apart from every other wknd at his dads.

So every other wknd they will all be in the room, and 2 nights during the week. Rest of the time it'll just be my gf's son.

This is the current plan anyway - I'm not sure I'm comfortable about it. In reality the extension will be a year away, we having had drawings done yet, nevermind the build process.

Is it fair on them to share? Is it reasonable? Feel worried that my children will feel like it's not their home anymore. Like they are just coming to stay in someone elses bedroom. It will be my gf's sons bedroom most of the time. I can't imagaine this will be very nice for them. Equally I appreciate my gf's children will no longer be in their home so strange for them too.

Please share your thoughts on this. Good and bad. Can't quite see the wood through the trees if you know what I mean. Am I over thinking this?

OP posts:
ShiveryTimbers · 21/09/2017 16:00

YY, agree with others saying that you don't NEED to move in right now. There's absolutely no harm in waiting. Your children can still benefit from your strong relationship whatever your living arrangements.

Original poster
SnowLeopard6 · 21/09/2017 16:01

SendintheArdwolves - I bought this up because I'm aware it might not be great for the kids

OP posts:
SweetLuck · 21/09/2017 16:02

Why do you think that your girlfriend is so keen to push this forward?

Original poster
SnowLeopard6 · 21/09/2017 16:03

BertieBotts - thank you, a constructive and fair assessment of the situation

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 21/09/2017 16:03

I don't think anybody is attacking you OP, perhaps you're unused to the bluntness of MN, but there's no need to take it personally, people are just providing points to think about. Nobody has said OMG what a terrible person OP is. Sarcasm in response isn't really called for.

IHateUncleJamie · 21/09/2017 16:03

I definitely think starting afresh in a 4 bedroom house would be better than everyone cramming into your house.

BertieBotts · 21/09/2017 16:04

But thanks for saying my post was constructive Grin

SweetLuck · 21/09/2017 16:04

good for my children to live in a happy family home

It's not going to be a happy family home though is it? It's going to be miserable as sin for the children, and this will affect your relationship with your girlfriend.

Original poster
SnowLeopard6 · 21/09/2017 16:05

AlexsMum89 - :) thank you

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 21/09/2017 16:05

It's interesting how angry and defensive you're getting with people who are bringing up the fact that this might be not great for the kids....

It certainly is.

Clearly the adults' desire to live together must be fulfilled immediately.

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/09/2017 16:08

What and entitled generation of dc people are raising . It's perfectly fine to share a room pre puberty with children of the opposite sex.
You will be teaching your children that they are not the centre of the universities and they will learn to compromise and not be selfish.

guilty100 · 21/09/2017 16:08

You don't have to buy a 6 bedroom house - you might need a 4-5 bed one, however.

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/09/2017 16:08
  • universe!
TakeMe2Insanity · 21/09/2017 16:12

Ok so you dont have the money for a six bedroom, but a four bedroom would have sufficient room.
B1 - you and gf
B2 ds 8 who lives with you
B3 ds and dd who dont live with you / ds when home from uni
B4 teenage dd
Sofa bed ds when home from uni

IHateUncleJamie · 21/09/2017 16:12

It's perfectly fine to share a room pre puberty with children of the opposite sex.

Well yes, if they're brother and sister, maybe. Which the OP and GF's children are not.

SingingMySong · 21/09/2017 16:13

Another option is for you and GF to temporarily sleep in the living room until the extension is finished.

I would also be unsure about telling the student they have to sleep in an unsuitable outdoor room. Hard not to feel a bit rejected, surely.

Simply bunking in as 3 in a room with sibs of this age is fine. But blending 3 kids 2:1 like that and effectively expecting your son to give up his bedroom to be another child's most nights, while your son uses it less often, is putting a lot of stress on them. Neutral territory and more privacy would be far, far kinder.

Witchend · 21/09/2017 16:14

my gf is the one pushing for this - I'M THE CAUTIOUS ONE

I think you need to be cautious because actually it looks like your dc are the ones who are going to feel it most.
Her dc are getting an annex, their own room and their own room for most of the time unless your dc are there in which case they share.

Your dc are losing a room entirely, and pretty much losing a room-they'll be like visitors as they're there less.

I wouldn't be surprised if you find after a few weeks her saying her ds feels it's not fair he has to share and your dc can sleep in the living room.

category12 · 21/09/2017 16:14

It's more like the op is centre of the universe, cos all the children are being expected to adapt to this, and the rash gf seems intent on pouring her money into a property she may have no claim on.

Evelynismyspyname · 21/09/2017 16:15

MyDcAreMarvel taking away resources which children have grown used to and giving them to somebody else, like all enforced compromises and enforced sharing, will not teach children that they are not the centre of the universe and mean they will learn to compromise and not be selfish. Such unilateral imposition of reduced living standards rather it teaches them to be grabby and defensive of whatever resources they can manage to keep for themselves.

Being poor as children generally produces adults determined not to be poor again, nor to allow their children to be, rather than producing adults without a materialistic bone in their body.

Unilaterally declaring what people will learn from a situation does not make it so.

expatinscotland · 21/09/2017 16:17

'category12 - my gf is the one pushing for this - I'M THE CAUTIOUS ONE'

Then you tell her NO, it's not a good idea right now. You're an adult here.

As for protecting her financial investment, that is her job, she's also an adult. If she's fool enough to sell her house and sink all the proceeds into a property that's not hers but a live-in lover's that's her lookout.

SallyForthSunshine · 21/09/2017 16:18

It's not going to be nice for the kids feeling like they are kicking you out of your room though is it? Way to make them feel like a massive inconvenience.

Or possibly very loved because their parents are willing to put them first while preparing for the building work? Some of you are pulling "problems" out of thin air...

Notanothernamechangeaddict · 21/09/2017 16:18

Definitely speak to all the children, have a family meeting and discuss all possibilities, if the kids get on well they might be excited to share, like having sleepovers
If they are unhappy you might have to think again
The most logical solution is a decent sofa bed in the living room, you could use it temporarily when the other kids stay over, or make it more permanent until the extension has been completed

paxillin · 21/09/2017 16:18

I think the children will feel robbed of their rooms. "Here is a new step brother. The room that used to be yours will now shared when you are here and his all the time." I would be amazed if that doesn't result in utter contempt.

I am both a mother and stepmother, there has in our case been no room taking, we moved to a new place to move in and still it hasn't been easy.

As for seeing their father in a loving relationship- that too is crap for the non-resident children. Not only are mum and dad not together, they get to watch what could have been every other week. The new step-siblings don't just get their old rooms, but their dad to boot! It really isn't in the children's interest, there will be a lot of heart break.

WickedLazy · 21/09/2017 16:19

"2 double rooms, and a single room."

Could you and dp cope with a single bed in the smallest bedroom, put the two girls in a double, and try to divide the room as much as possible (5 year old will be asleep well before the 16 year old anyway?) and put the two boys in the other double?

user1468353179 · 21/09/2017 16:19

Sorry, but that sounds like trouble. The two boys can share, but not with a five year old girl, it's not fair on any of them.

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