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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP has accused me of cheating on him

288 replies

AllFakeFurCoatAndNoSpanx · 21/09/2017 14:38

On phone and crying snotty mess so apologies for errors.

DP and I due to get married in 4 weeks. He's been withdrawn and cold to me for a few weeks, since returning from working away over the summer. I thought he was getting depressed, and yesterday asked him if he'd consider going to a GP about it. I'd also noticed that whenever any wedding stuff came up he sort of closed down, so I asked him if everything was okay with us (he was excited and involved in wedding planning before.)

His response was to say he wanted to go to Relate to deal with the "fact" that I cheated on him back in 2013 and try to work through my betrayal.

I have not ever cheated on him. I feel completely bewildered and hurt.

When I sat with my mouth hanging open and asked what the fuck he meant, he launched into a long convoluted list of "evidence". I was crying and in shock so I am not sure I have this all right but this is the gist...

  1. I had a positive result for chlamydia in 2013 after getting a screen as part of investigations into UTIs. I was gutted at the time and cried when I told him, as I felt awful that I had an STI and would have given it to him. He has taken this as a sign of guilty conscience.
  1. His test came back negative, which he says must mean I had caught it only recently, and not before we got together (in 2009.) Ergo had slept with someone else.
  1. I have a gmail email, and unbeknownst to me (or him) a full stop in your gmail address doesn't matter so you can send with or without. Once I sent him an email without the full stop in...so he thinks I have a "secret second account" for, I don't know, organising secret shagathons.

The gmail thing is batshit and easily explained so he gets that. The chlamydia thing I cannot explain. I KNOW I have been faithful. I can only think mine was a false positive? Or his a false negative?

This is completely and utterly out of character. I thought we were in love and happy, bar the last few weeks of coldness from him. I am on a train to my sister, devastated and confused.

OP posts:
scootinFun · 19/10/2017 13:20

Once he is out of your home it will be easier to adjust - he sounds a right plonker.

SandyY2K · 20/10/2017 01:08

What a turn. I wonder if he buys the knickers one at a time or what.

Very strange.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 20/10/2017 07:18

Sorry I would think he has another woman and he accidentally has some of her knickers. I'm so sorry you are going through this but sounds like he has done you a favour in the long run. He sounds awful!

TammySwansonTwo · 20/10/2017 09:36

All in one bag in a jacket pocket? No chance. That's not accidental.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 20/10/2017 13:31

I know this is all very painful (and surreal) right now, but I truly think you will look back on this in years to come and think what a lucky escape you had.
Better times lie ahead.

Ts27 · 20/10/2017 15:03

Just read your thread and I do feel for you!

He kept alot of his true self away from you. This is not maintainable and would've come out eventually. So better it does now rather down the line if you had kids.

You fell in love with the person/side he wanted you to see. We are all like this to some extent at the beginning of a relationship, but this is in another level. Not all men/women are like this so don't lose hope or let it affect you too much in your future relationships.

Go on holiday with your sister and have a great time. Do let us know how you are getting on. All the best. X

SomePpl · 01/11/2017 22:25

Hope you're ok. Thinking of you. Flowers

Healthyandhappy · 13/04/2020 18:34

What ever happened did u stay together ? Or did he leave how is life now?

Healthyandhappy · 13/04/2020 18:35

@AllFakeFurCoatAndNoSpanx

BumbleBeee69 · 13/04/2020 18:51

wow.. I'm curious too.. how are you OP Flowers

BeatrixPottersAlterEgo · 13/04/2020 19:16

Missed this the first time round and would also love an update! Hope OP is thriving

MikeUniformMike · 13/04/2020 19:41

My guess is that he tested positive for chlamydia and lied.
He is using it as an excuse to blame you for probable unfaithfulness on his part.

He doesn't want to marry you and doesn't have the decency to tell you.

Yes, you have been blindsided but don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong.

BumbleBeee69 · 13/04/2020 20:11

My guess is that he tested positive for chlamydia and lied.
He is using it as an excuse to blame you for probable unfaithfulness on his part.

agreed

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