I confessed to my boyfriend about my alcohol addiction-he has reacted badly

[Loula81]

So two days ago I confessed to my boyfriend of a year about my alcohol addiction and the fact that I’ve been sneaking drink. He hasn’t taken it well and I’m in a panic and don’t know what to do.

He says he’s trying to be supportive but is angry with me for lying and sees it as deceitful and a betrayal of trust. I honestly never thought he’d rect like this. It took me ages and a lot of courage to admit this to him. I thought he was already suspicious as many days I’ve been to the point of blackout while with him but he says he had no clue at all.

I suppose in a way I’m annoyed with him or is that just selfish of me? I mean, how can you live with somebody for 9 months and not notice this at all? I’ve been drinking up to half a litre, maybe more, of vodka everyday for months now and only just quit. He does triathlons and is out training most evenings but I still would have thought he’d see something was up.

I’m finding this hard to deal with. He shifts between saying he wants to support me through this, to saying how hurt he is that I lied to him. Please help! I've been awake since 4am and I’m now in work and can’t cope so this is a nightmare.

On a side note re panic attacks: keep your eye on your breathing ; breath deeply to your stomach. It's when you hold your breath of your breathing gets shallow and short that this sends an erroneous message to the adrenals that there's a crisis on, so they sent an artillery of adrenalin... = a panic attack . If you keep your breathing deep and steady, to your stomach, the adrenalin response won't be triggered.

How's it going, Loula81?

Thanks so much for asking how I am. I rang the AA today and the best meeting for me is tomorrow after work. It will have other newcomers and the person I spoke to said it is optional as to whether I want to participate or not.

Today has been a day of self-reflection which I'm not sure is helpful considering many people have said that a lot of alcoholics are focused on themselves and don't see the effect their behaviour has on others. Somebody asked me previously on this thread what terrible things I had done while drunk and some of them are as follows:-

(1) Moved in with my identical twin sister after my relationship broke down. I started to drink 'in secret', but she realised what I was up to. She now has an alcohol problem/is an alcoholic and blames it on my influence;
(2) Smashed a plate over my twin sister's arm and left her with a cut so bad she nearly had to go to A&E. She also bruised me really badly on the same night. I tried to cover it up in work but people noticed. I pretended I fell down the stairs;
(3) I blacked out in the bath and my sister found me with my mouth under water and pulled the plug hole;
(4) I have been absolutely venemous to ex-boyfriends via text messages to the point that they have had to block my number. Most of the time I don't remember sending the texts and grovel the next day. Still this didn't stop me.
(5) I have ruined my relationship with my lovely mum who I used to call everyday. She and my dad have never drunk (despite her having an absolutely horrific childhood) and she says that I have changed as a person due to alcohol. She said she remembers me as being a really sweet person before I let the drink take hold.
(6) My brother nearly died in March this year due to a drugs overdose. He was in a coma and on a life-support machine for 2 weeks before (thank God) coming round. On the days I wasn't driving the 30 miles to the hospital I drank to cope and was drunk at Intensive Care.

I have done so many more bad things than the above but I just want to put it out there that I in no way think I am without blame. Alcohol/My own behaviour has made me an awful person and I want to change.

I just stopped drinking a month ago, though my problem wasn't a serious quantity-wise as yours, OP. I used a lot of vitamin B to steady my nerves. But what I didn't expect was that within a week I was already thinking much more clearly. I don't even have a particular problem with depression but I certainly had one while I was drinking every night.

Bless you Loula. You'll meet your people in AA.

Well done for making that call today. Proud of you girl

No. 1 is NOT your fault.
You did NOT make your sister into an alcoholic.
She did that on her own.
Until she realises that she will not recover.
I find it extremely strange that all of you have addiction issues.
It can be hereditary.
I really hope you can participate tomorrow.
Good luck.

I think it is true that many alcoholics have no idea of the damage they do to friends and relatives.
Don't fall for the crap that admitting you have a problem is the most important thing -giving up is.
Your opening post was all about how devastated you were at your boyfriends reactions -all about you.He may have reacted badly but focusing on that detracts from your battle ahead.Ive seen at close hand the damage alcohol does and the happiness that ensues when someone manages to conquer it.
The lure of alcohol and how it offers peace but delivers pain and suffering is truly evil .I am not religious but the devastation that alcohol can bring to some people ( I am lucky to be able to drink )and their families is satanic.Good luck giving up -it can be done

A lot of people have advised vitamin B to help lessen the side effects of stopping drinking. If you are drinking a bottle of vodka a day, I suspect you may need more than that. My XDH was heavily sedated and on a drip for 2 days to get through withdrawal. You can be admitted to hospital for that. Speak to your GP, if you need help with that.

Loula you've been very brave

I second the advice to seek out medical support for withdrawal. If you are drinking as many units as you say, you need to tread carefully and a medically supervised taper + medical withdrawal management might be necessary.

It can be scary if you don't ask for help, but once that help is in place, they can help you stay safe and support your long term health xx

I hope the meeting goes well today, OP. Good luck.

Thanks so much everyone. I am really nervous about tonight so rang back the helpline and they are arranging for a member to meet me outside before the meeting. So anxious about it but I won't pull out!

This article is by an American author so the AA meetings she attended may be a little different, but I thought it was really encouraging and you may find her description useful.

A dear friend of my family is in AA currently trying to turn his life around. Good for you for getting started with this and best wishes with it.

medium.com/personal-growth/girl-skulks-into-a-room-cbeacad58a79

You will be anxious but I'm glad they are helping you.
Once there I'm sure you'll feel more at ease.
Good luck

Loula - good for you for taking those first scary steps to turn your life around, and for asking for help getting in the door the first time! I wish you well!

Good for you Loula, good luck!

Good luck hope it all goes well and you find the support you need

How did it go? Did you make it?

By the way - the list you've done is halfway to doing step 1. You're writing out how powerless you are over alcohol and how it's made life unmanageable. X

It was great thanks. I was so nervous walking through the door and nearly walked away, but I did it. It's so inspiring hearing other people's stories and how they overcame the addiction. I'll go to AA meetings every day I can until I beat this!

Well done (have you name changed?); keep going back!!

You didn't go, did you?

I did go!! Why do you say that?

Just to add well done for realizing you are addicted and well done for starting to do something to cure it:-)

Be brave!

Well done OP. Keep trying, keep going to meetings. Hope your counselling session went well too.

Ah, so great to hear you went. Them 12-step meetings are the best.

Keep going. Great plan to go to one every day

What time is your meeting today?

Did you mean to name-change? It's hard to see your posts when they're not 'coloured' because you've namechanged.