Fab thread, here's a short list as the full version would take hours to type:
Sleep disorder - taking literally hours of fidgeting to fall asleep then barely sleeping
Picking bleeding clots from nose and wiping the ensuing nose bleed on duvet (refused to see a specialist). Waking up he had dried blood all over his fingers and bed linen
Investing a huge amount of time in his particular hobby which became so all-consuming (out doing it/looking on internet afterwards/ multitude of WhatsApp groups) it pretty much finished us off
Sleeping in separate beds - even when we got on I felt very lonely
Zero Sex although allegedly trying for a baby. Funny how the sex stopped when the threat of having a baby became real and 2 miscarriages made things even more real
He slipped off to spare room every night citing the fact I had to get up earlier than him and I disturbed him (see points re sleep)
After 2 miscarriages he asked was I sure I had been pregnant and it hadn't just been a scab (he was a 45 yr professional man holding down a very responsible job - still not sure why he would have said this🤔)
I went to relate appt on my own - he was busy with aforementioned hobby
Looking at porn and going covert ops about it so I had to snoop around for evidence which I would find then beat myself up about. Apparently it was my fault though as we didn't have much sex. (See point re trying for baby...)
Having to scrub wank stains off the mattress and telling myself it was ok, normal behaviour and we had a good marriage (felt like I was going slightly delirious at this point)
This hugely contributed to destroying my confidence, self-esteem and will inevitably make me loathe to trust any man again
Lying - we was a stellar liar. Complete poker face, I think he actually believed the lies himself. His phone was constantly by his side, locked and face down. Apparently he had no secrets and nothing to hide though🙄
Money - splashed £££ when he chose to on said hobby but moaned relentlessly about how much shopping cost, did we really need X, once I borrowed 50p for the car park and he asked for it back a day later. He had just lent a family member thousands of £.
Isn't it funny how, when you look back, you cannot compute how you spent such a huge chunk of your life with someone and feel like you didn't really know them and were just scratching the surface. The excuses you make and lies you believe. I think he changed over time or maybe just found something he liked more than me? I could do with some serious therapy to get over the whole experience. I have forgotten how to listen to my gut instinct.