Things you don't miss about an Ex

[Wheelycote]

Recently become single and have been bereft. I read something on another thread and it reminded me of a behaviour ex had. Sulking.
It's strange how, things like that become the norm.

The rose tinted glasses are starting to fall. It won't happen overnight, we were together for 8 years.

Pls share something about an ex, that you don't miss.

Constantly walking on eggshells wondering if I'd say something that he'd kick off about, him smoking weed, being ignored for days after an argument and the fact everything was put before me.

Oh and being called names and getting spoken to like dirt

splendidisolation if he spent a lot of time on porn sites and made people listen to his tedious guitar playing when pissed, we have the same ex.

I posted on this thread some days ago .
I have been in fits with some of this lovely men's attributes .....

I have a question

Do you think these men will change especially those men that were /are abusive ?

Sometimes I have wandered was it really me that would enrage him or was it because he was a narcissistic wanker ?

Some of these posts have said that these cock lodger / douche bags are now married or in another relationship .

The whining, the constant fucking whining. Everything was someone else's fault and nothing was ever done to resolve the problems.

I know I snap at DS is he says "muuuuuuum" in a normal teenage way. He isn't his Dad, in fact he is quite the opposite, but I can't bear to hear whiny XP in his voice.

I hope mine will change... for the world's sake...

he's run home to his mum and dad which indicates not and will be mid thirties in may... so I suspect it is too ingrained and would be difficult even if he wanted to change...

nothing he has done since indicates he wants to change but I suppose if he goes to court and possibly prison he may get the shock he needs, though with most people prison doesn't work that way.... just teaches them to be better criminals...

I don't know and it's honestly not really something I'd thought properly about until now! I suppose because I don't really care. I'm just glad to be away from him!

My other x has got a bit better. I have two kids with him, he had a shit childhood another shit relationship after me who he treated like shit but then sought treatment, was diagnosed with BPD and is now married and significantly better than he was (credit to him). He had the snip so won't have anymore kids (responsible) but is still a bit of a crap dad and partner though nothing like he was.

Some people do make improvements.

Most don't.

It's weird actually with the one who is better because he still isn't anything like even a 'good enough' partner. He still has the traits - silly lies, unreliability and for my children he still isn't good enough which makes me annoyed but I do also appreciate that he has made an awful lot of progress and I am very pleased he has... he could easily have gone down the road I've seen my friend's dad go down of having a million (totally abandoned) kids all over the world...

*good enough parent!

Offered..... thank you for your honest reply

donerwillbehere
My ex will always be a total waste of breath and skin! The world would be a little bit better off without him thieving oxygen from others!! He's still going through life as a freeloading cocklodger. People grow up and have responsibilities, not him, he will always be an entitled batshit crazy arse hole!!

• The raging verbal abuse and screaming.
• The quieter, more insidious, nasty psychological abuse dressed up as kind 'concern' for me.
• The house being an utter shit tip as he refused to let me hire anyone or allow family to do DIY as he was going to do it. One day. Maybe in 2087...
• Thinking he was bloody SuperDad and calling himself 'primary carer' because he dropped DS at school a few times a week
• The debts, bailiffs, and phone calls from debt collection companies.
• Every conversation having to be an 'intellectually stimulating' debate or I was 'too boring'.
• His scruffiness - he thinks he's a hipster but really is Frank Gallagher.
• Having to cook a 3 course meal every day after work or it wasn't a 'proper meal' and a row ensued.
• The smell of booze and kebabs oozing from him when he fell off the wagon periodically.
• Him puking on carpets/beds/everywhere when pissed, then passing out leaving it to soak in (am emetophobic so my worst nightmare!).
• Being financially abused and controlled in many other ways.
• Having to deal with his nightmare family.
• Most of all, that feeling of dread hearing his key in the door.

Christ, what was I thinking? My only excuse is that he was extremely good looking at 19, when I met him!

The little regular cough (a few roll ups a day)
The tobacco bits on the floor
Toe nail clippings in the bath and sink
The smell of tobacco on his hands etc
The smell of cheap aftershave
Coffee dregs everywhere
Snoring so loud that you can still hear him in the room that you have decided to sleep in
Stopping breathing briefly when not snoring
Him having prangs in my car
Always walking ahead of me
Spending time at home in another room on the laptop
Not wanting to take part in anything in our local community
No little signs of affection from him
Saying doing house work shows that he loves me
Not telling me he loves me
Not instigating kisses
Not listening to me when I try to talk with him about all of the above
Me feeling lonely when he was at home

The cheating and the beating

This thread has remindes me of a keyring my friend has...

"I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving"

@ seeyamonday

I just feel sorry for the poor women that thing they have such marvellous men ...... when in time they will be ground down and think this is normal on the other hand they will probably just as needy as the sorry arse excuse for a man

Wishing live and happiness to you all xx

The constant exhaustion of carrying another adult, making all the decisions, looking after the kids, but just getting stress and crap sex.
(Old Ex)
The constant finishing our relationship by him then changing his mind. Although in contrast to Old Ex he was excellent at housework and the sex was fantastic.
(New Ex)

Love

Calling me 'mate'

I've not RTFT but for anyone reading this who's in a crappy relationship, I felt as bouncy as Tigger within days of leaving my XH. The sense of FREEDOM to just do normal things I wanted to do was heady, like:

• eat what I liked
• could watch Emmerdale
• could have a fag
• could get to sleep without the tap-tap-tap of a laptop drumbeating beside me
• could chill on a Sun night without his pre working week meltdown
• could eat breakfast and do makeup in the morning without the soundtrack of cursing and shouting
• could take the tube at weekends
• could socialise for as long or as short as I wanted; no more Cinderella deadlines
• could socialise as a single woman without having to explain why H wasn't there...again
• could wear what I wanted
• could cut and style my hair as I saw fit
• knew that the only dishes I'd have to wash would be my own
• knew that I wouldn't come back after being away to a kitchen crawling with ants because the bin had been left overflowing
• could buy expensive shampoo and face cream without it getting grossly overused

I hurt a lot after the break up but the freedom was so amazing that I'd say that's the most attractive and happy I've ever been in my life. I had a lot of admirers in that time and 10w later met my now DH who is an amazing wonderful man.

So to anyone who's reading, life after a break up is weird... but it can be utterly transformative too.

for anyone reading this who's in a crappy relationship, I felt as bouncy as Tigger within days of leaving my XH. The sense of FREEDOM to just do normal things I wanted to do was heady

This. Years on, even accessing the memory of how I felt in the weeks after I left puts me in a good mood.

Reading this thread, it's interesting to see how many EA men also display apparently unrelated but gross behaviour - eg: excessive farting, snoring, skid marks, toenail clippings, smelly, poor hygiene. My abusive ex was also the only boyfriend I've ever had who was disgusting to live with: all of the above, plus more. I never really made the connection before - I thought of them as two separate facets of his personality: unappealing, but also unrelated. But they are linked, I think. It's about not really seeing the person you live with, and not giving a shit what they think

Tomato sausages, the only kind he'd eat.
Tomato ketchup on everything... Bluergh
Walking on eggshells every bloody hour of every Bloody day.
Being told I looked so much better without makeup and then being criticised for not "trying"
His smell... Rank BO, stinking breath and God awful mingin feet!
Pubes on the soap!
His total lack of a sense of humour

I can still remember the feeling of utter peace when I got away, kids in bed, glass of wine (wasn't allowed when with him) and for the first time in years reading a book... How sad is that? Simple things my lovelys X

I left my husband on Sunday. The Saturday after that is still, 16 years later, the happiest day of my life. I'm afraid it was a better day than the day I married lovely dh or the day I had lovely ds. Those days were great but they required a lot of me. That perfect Saturday I did the joyful things I wanted to do, with no negotiation, stress, moaning, anger or sulking afterwards. All I did was get up, read a book, get on the tube, go to a nice market, spend some time there, buy a couple of things, come back again, sit in peace and quiet eating a meal and go to bed when I wanted to. It is horrible to remember how long I spent in a relationship that made doing simple things I wanted to do so difficult that they weren't worth doing.

There is nothing I do miss, I am afraid.

annandale

It's wonderful when you get the sense of self back, it's like hello you, I've missed you! No one can truly understand how much the simple things mean until they are have been taken from you. Have a happy peaceful life, appreciate the little things X

• ExH smelling of that horrible alcoholic smell even when he'd just had a shower.....and the smell permeating the house
• having the heating on but having a fan on full blast (his body thermostat was fucked)
• death cracks in all our crockery.....he'd insist on putting plates in the oven to warm up - 4 hrs before eating!
• not being allowed in the kitchen - most of his alcohol was hidden there so he'd go beserk if I went anywhere near it
• the awful smell in the bathroom after he'd been to the loo.....it was indescribable
• His Jekyll & Hyde personality
• The alcoholic snoring.....after he'd fall asleep in front of the TV then wake me at silly o'clock then crash out
• the mad behaviour in front of my friends/neighbours/work colleagues
• being made responsible for financing everything when he lost his job
• the escalating bad behaviour in front of our daughter (who was 3) when I got help for myself and stopped reacting to his mad & bad behaviour.......I had a year hoping that he'd find sobriety but sadly he didn't and that's why I divorced him

I've been on my own for 10yrs and I cannot tell you how happy I am!