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twatty things I don't miss about my ex...

(330 Posts)
confusedNC Wed 20-Aug-14 08:08:14

Some of us need reminding what we're not missing and also need cheering up. So I'll start...

1. Making his feckin packed lunch every day, even when I'd been up all night with ds because it was 'the least I could do' apparently. Oh and having to think of inventive healthy options cos you were overweight but then you did have a car full of choc wrappers and crisp packets.

Insert your own here.....

Ladymoods Wed 20-Aug-14 08:10:58

The way he would loudly clear his throat then spit the contents into the sink or if I was particularly lucky, the pavement.

Feeling like the Alcohol Police during nights out.
The sinking feeling of doom when the shots appeared at the table.

CallMeBetty Wed 20-Aug-14 08:18:37

Awkward tight lipped 'smiles'
Rigid morning routines that can never be disturbed even if they make the rest of the family late
The deodorant spray that he refused to change even though I'm allergic to it
Pretending its normal to never have sex
Never seeing my friends
Guilt at spending Anything at all
Guilt at 'not pulling my weight' dispite working, ringing up 2 children and doing everything for him
Having him walk behind or in front (but never next to) me when we're out
Having him visibly cringe when I talk
Being told I'm selfish for giving up employment in favour if self employment and bringing up the children myself
Seeing him sit down to see because the door was never shut properly. Vom.
There's much much more!

Floop Wed 20-Aug-14 08:20:41

I get to choose my own clothes now smile
No more tantrums if I buy something sheer.

CheesyBadger Wed 20-Aug-14 08:21:10

Banana skins and ear buds complete with wax in a pile on the arm of the sofa.

Having to walk to the bus stop to collect her from work ... Never did find out why this was a requirement

Being told I was a granny if I did craft... I now run my own craft business!

smilegrin

CallMeBetty Wed 20-Aug-14 08:27:26

The embarrassing car I used to have to park miles away because of all the dents he caused and refused to fix

Pretending its normal to have someone spend £12k on an entirely unnecessary degree when both car and house are falling apart

People saying 'oh he's away again, didn't he just go?'

Being spoken to like an annoying colleague
Dreading family occasions
Finding bags full of new clothes in his wardrobe when the kids needed things we 'couldn't afford'
Excuses for everything!
Computer stuff everywhere and the whirring noises that go with them

Justatoe Wed 20-Aug-14 08:27:43

Not having Sky Sports News on TV continuously and being shouted at if we tried to turn over when he fell asleep.
When we moved out, we didn't actually turn the TV on for 2 weeks...we talked together & we didn't know what to watch anyway as we had never had a choice!

maybesadie Wed 20-Aug-14 08:27:48

Name-calling, belittling me, flying off the handle at any little thing, like water being spilled.

Not being allowed to have friends or go out, and paying hell if I did.

Same as Floop, now I get to wear what I like, including sheer and low-cut things.

I could go on...

WhatTheFork Wed 20-Aug-14 08:29:16

I'm over my ex, we split last century grin, my daughter has been asking about my old boyfriends recently and about dad's old girlfriends. So they've been a recent topic.

His massive, I mean HUUUUUUGE porn stash. I got rid of it one day while he was in work. This was years before people just looked at it online.

They way when we ate out he would order his meal in song (well that's what it sounded like to me) with a long flourishing "pleeeeeeaaaaaase" at the end. He would also sing read the whole item out to the waiter/waitress. So, instead of saying "I'll have the scampi please" he'd sing say "fresh caught, North Sea scampi, coated in a crisp breadcrumb, deep fried to perfection, served with hand cut chips and peas and coleslaw on the side, pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaseeeee"...read straight from the menu. If we went somewhere with long descriptions I'd start cringing with embarrassment even before the server arrived at the table. What a dick.

His hair ginger hands.

There's loads more, I'd be here all day if I started.

CallMeBetty Wed 20-Aug-14 08:29:45

I could go on all day!!

WhatTheFork Wed 20-Aug-14 08:31:18

Hairy hands

confusedNC Wed 20-Aug-14 08:37:15

I'm still getting over mine, so need reminding!

Whatthefork... grin at singing the menu. Hahaha!

Another from me... Him needing an afternoon nap, when I'd been sleep deprived for 2 years with ds and him saying it's not a competition if I said I was desperate for sleep and felt like passing out.

WhatTheFork Wed 20-Aug-14 08:43:59

confusedNC you're well shot of that one what a knobber.

Another one, mine used to (on the rare occasion he put his hand in his pocket and actually buy a round) ask for a vodka and coke as a "V and C" along the lines of "G&T" and insist to me when questioned that's what people did.

MulberryWillow Wed 20-Aug-14 08:46:25

1. His bullshit.
2. His lying.
3. Him making me feel like rubbish all the time.

confusedNC Wed 20-Aug-14 08:47:05

Whatthefork grin is your ex out of a sitcom?

Never laughing at my jokes
Telling the same tedious "funny" anecdotes in company, especially if I'd said something witty, as he needed to be seen as the funny one.

CatKisser Wed 20-Aug-14 08:55:14

The way his eyes lit up if he ever spotted attractive goth-type women with all the get up and bright hair, as I knew he'd without fail turn to me and say "why don't you do yourself up like that?"

His dreadful denim jacket with studs all over and a Union Jack that made him look like a BNP thug.

The fact he never knew how to have just a few drinks - it always had to lead to carnage and "hilarious" anecdotes the next day.

Everything really. He is the only person in this world I genuinely wish ill on. And (I know I've posted this bit before,) it always gobsmacks me that when we broke up, he went off the rails, got arrested for sexual assault, criminal damage and drink driving. Years later, with a string of convictions he got in contact with me over FB and asked my advice on how he can become a teacher!)

CatKisser Wed 20-Aug-14 08:56:12

And I'm cringing at the tosser who read the items off the menu in full!!
grin

woolypigs Wed 20-Aug-14 09:01:13

Being sat next to him and him picking his nose and hearing the squelchy noise. Then him playing with it in his fingers.

His porn.

His clever way of making me feel like shit and how grateful I should be that he was only walking to porn and not snagging around.

His naps when he had stayed awake all night watching porn.

ChickOnaMission Wed 20-Aug-14 09:06:21

disgustings smells around the house - especially in bed at night
wee on the toilet seat
poo smears on the sheets uurrgghhh
constant criticism of people he didn't know just walking down the street - ("oohh look at that womans vpl, that's minging" type thing)

Why did I marry that man....?

ChickOnaMission Wed 20-Aug-14 09:07:01

Yes Yes to the nose picking!! - then blatantly eating it.....

mosaicone Wed 20-Aug-14 09:13:01

Whatthefork - Im laughing soooo much at the scampi anecdote!

Well....
I dont miss the drinking. Which itself meant the 4/5 nights of the week him being out of the house and at least 3 he'd be fucked.

I dont miss his voice, his arrogant, pig ignorant voice, his depreciating opinion of everyone else in the world.

His casual racism/sexism. "Only joking".

His total gaslighting, I thought I was mad.

Back to his voice, such a faux posh lad - went to private school, good uni sure but did nothing with it after, total nob end, "I should be on 50 grand with this brain"... errr but youre not dick head, get another fucking job. We live in an area where this would be an outstanding wage. I had 3 kids. We needed that twat head.

This was helpful!!!

mosaicone Wed 20-Aug-14 09:15:00

OH the one I came on to post.

I used to have to go out on to the landing to use my hairdryer in the morning because it disturbed him. He would never get up until the last minute, 2 min shower and out the door. So I would literally be getting in the car to drive us to work while he was getting up. We never had breakfast together etc, what a total fucking prick.

ChickOnaMission Wed 20-Aug-14 09:17:11

whatthefork HAHAHA grin at the scampi singing

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