Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH went out after pregnancy scan and isn't home

336 replies

AWOLDh · 13/09/2017 21:07

I'm trying to keep this vague in case someone recognises me but hopefully it will still make sense.

I had my first pregnancy scan today for our second DC.
We have a DD together , it took a long time to conceive DD and we had a couple of failed ivf attempts before we eventually had her.

So I always wanted 2 DCs, DH wanted 1. However after having DD he decided that he wanted to try for another. But I think in part he said yes because I wanted 2.
I fell pregnant on our first attempt and we were both a bit shocked at first as we were expecting it too take longer and the gap between the DCs is closer than expected. But once it sank in I was over the moon and DH said he was too.

So to today, we are at my first scan and the scan showed twins. Both of us were shocked and DH asked her to check again which she did and assured us it is twins.

So We left the room and DH said actually he had to go out and think and he needed space. He said that this wasn't part of the plan and he had to think. I said oh ok and didn't really question it.
He has been gone for hours, he has missed dinner and DDs bedtime.
I text him to ask when he is coming home but he hasn't replied.

I am zigzaging between being worried about him and being angry with him. I'm not sure if I should call him or if that will make it worse because he wanted space. But I'm also worried and annoyed and I want to hear from him.

OP posts:
redemptionsongs · 13/09/2017 22:25

bit humiliating to have to start ringing round friends and family though - sorry op, what a crap position to be in - fwiw, my DH would be absolutely appalled if I got pg with a 3rd, he found the 2nd extremely tough, your DH has had a terrible shock given the fact he was slightly on the fence about 2. Doesn't make it right to disappear of course.

FilledSoda · 13/09/2017 22:26

Flip sake , that's really out of order

TrailingWife · 13/09/2017 22:26

Congratulations!

NC4now · 13/09/2017 22:26

Is his phone going straight to voicemail or ringing out? It's possible he's out of battery.
Try and distract yourself or get some sleep, Your head must be all over the place but you'll need to be able to function in the morning.
Flowers

Haffdonga · 13/09/2017 22:28

Are you worried about him, OP?

gonnabreakmyrustycage · 13/09/2017 22:33

Call the police (non-emergency). Say it's out of character and you're pregnant and very worried. I'm sure they will help and it'll teach him a lesson too.

Funko · 13/09/2017 22:33

How bloody selfish! What an arse.

If it was me...No more calls, key in the door /bolts/deadlock whatever.

Go to bed and starfish.

Silly man.

And congratulations SmileFlowers

GreggsSausageRolls · 13/09/2017 22:33

Congratulations, twins are amazing! Can you ignore him and try to get some sleep? He's being selfish so you should look after yourself right now

Frillyhorseyknickers · 13/09/2017 22:34

Another who thinks he is a selfish arsehole for leaving and making you worry about him.

And wtf to people suggesting reporting him as a missing person after a few hours. Hmm

cherrycola2004 · 13/09/2017 22:34

Congratulations but what an awful thing to put you through. Don't care if he is shocked so are you! Should be with you . I do Home he comes home or at least answers you soon. Take care xx

onemorecakeplease · 13/09/2017 22:34

I hope he comes to his senses asap and appears home apologetically

I have to say if this were my dh I would be bloody fuming that he did this.

onemorecakeplease · 13/09/2017 22:35

And congratulations! Twins - how awesome x

BruceAndNoush · 13/09/2017 22:36

After nine years on here, this is the first time I've said this: LTB

I'd be furious and his bags would be on the doorstep.

JigglyTuff · 13/09/2017 22:37

I'd call the police unless you don't think this is out of character. Does he have form for being a pathetic manchild?

Flyinggeese · 13/09/2017 22:37

I hate it when men act like this! OP you don't have the choice of flouncing off to get some 'space', you're there holding it together and looking after your daughter.

I get what people are saying, that he just needs to get his head around things, but so do you.

My partner had a difficult time a few years back and cut contact for two weeks while he got his head together (we don't live together). I had sympathy for his situation but his behaviour was pathetic.

I hope he's in contact soon but I'd second just going to bed and not chasing him any more. He'll wonder why you've stopped ringing and come sloping back I bet you.

Huge congratulations on the pregnancy!

NameChange30 · 13/09/2017 22:38

All these people telling the OP to call the police because her husband has gone AWOL for a few hours... do you really think they have nothing better to do?!

If he was suicidal or had a mental illness or other condition that made him vulnerable, I could understand the reasoning behind it, but the OP hasn't mentioned anything like that.

alphajuliet123 · 13/09/2017 22:39

I'd be cross and upset too. Text him to say you're so worried you're considering calling the police. If he doesn't respond to that try his family and friends. What time did you last see him?

ShellyBoobs · 13/09/2017 22:41

He didn't really want another DC and now he's getting 2.

My cousin had the same issue: DH half-heartedly agreed to go for a 2nd child and they ended up with twins. God knows why anyone would not consider the possibility but I think some men have their heads in the sand, give in to the pressure, then just assume it will be the 'one more' they expected.

Cousin's DH got his head around it and seems extremely happy with his lot now, by the way.

MrsDc7 · 13/09/2017 22:41

Cheeky bastard...congrats! (On the babies... not the cheeky bastard)

StaplesCorner · 13/09/2017 22:41

What an utter tosser. So sorry for you OP this is all you need. Actually more angry for you than sorry, he needs a kick up his entitled arse. Hope he racks up soon so you can tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Quickqu · 13/09/2017 22:43

Congratulations on your twins! Lucky you! I always wanted twins and they never came.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/09/2017 22:43

All these people telling the OP to call the police because her husband has gone AWOL for a few hours... do you really think they have nothing better to do?!

They were suggesting the OP tells him that she will call the police, not to actually do it.

Bluntness100 · 13/09/2017 22:43

Op, he told you he needed space and time to think. Let him be. He will come back when ready then it's time to talk. Don't go off being angry at him, it's not going to help. Yes it's not considerate to you, but he's maybe not thinking straight. We all handle things differently and none of us can say we handle everything well.

Congrats on the twins though,,,🍾💐🍰

Quickqu · 13/09/2017 22:44

Sorry posted too soon

Haven't RTFT but I'm sorry he's been such an idiot. Assume he's very young.

Hope you sort things out xx

ShellyBoobs · 13/09/2017 22:44

AnotherEmma - I agree. The police wouldn't record a non-vulnerable adult male as 'missing' simply because he's been out of contract for a few hours,