DH went out after pregnancy scan and isn't home

[AWOLDh]

I'm trying to keep this vague in case someone recognises me but hopefully it will still make sense.

I had my first pregnancy scan today for our second DC.
We have a DD together , it took a long time to conceive DD and we had a couple of failed ivf attempts before we eventually had her.

So I always wanted 2 DCs, DH wanted 1. However after having DD he decided that he wanted to try for another. But I think in part he said yes because I wanted 2.
I fell pregnant on our first attempt and we were both a bit shocked at first as we were expecting it too take longer and the gap between the DCs is closer than expected. But once it sank in I was over the moon and DH said he was too.

So to today, we are at my first scan and the scan showed twins. Both of us were shocked and DH asked her to check again which she did and assured us it is twins.

So We left the room and DH said actually he had to go out and think and he needed space. He said that this wasn't part of the plan and he had to think. I said oh ok and didn't really question it.
He has been gone for hours, he has missed dinner and DDs bedtime.
I text him to ask when he is coming home but he hasn't replied.

I am zigzaging between being worried about him and being angry with him. I'm not sure if I should call him or if that will make it worse because he wanted space. But I'm also worried and annoyed and I want to hear from him.

OP please report him being missing to the police, especially as it's out of character and he's obviously stressed, worried. I hope he comes home soon X

Can you whatsapp him and see if he reads it?

Congratulations!

I think he's being a twat. He's entitled to feel shocked and overwhelmed by the news, but disappearing and not being in touch is out of order.

Do you think he could be punishing you for getting pregnant? Does he think he can blame you because you wanted another and he wasn't sure? Because he did agree to it and he did TTC, which he shouldn't have done if he wasn't on board.

He's being a twat.
But, perhaps if he comes back with a huge apology and it's probably better he's cooling off then a horrid argument starting.
How are you feeling?

Is it typical for him? Is he otherwise in good mental health and no reason to suspect he's being anything other than a drama llama?

I'd go to bed, after sending a final text/voicemail saying "Disappointed in you blah blah, pissed off & going to bed, under no circumstances wake me up, see you tomorrow."

Congratulations

He really should have contacted you before dinner time if he was going to stay out longer.

Do you know where he might be (e.g. Pub) or who he might be with (e.g. Friends)?

First, congratulations! But your dhs behaviour is pretty unacceptable. I'd vanish on him the following evening and he can wonder where his pregnant wife is, while looking after your child. I'd probably take a book and find a bar with a comfy chair :)

WhatsApp is a good idea as at least you'll see your messages are reaching him.
I'd be pissed off and feeling abandoned and hurt, and also annoyed he's missed Dds bedtime. Not a good reaction, it's big shocking news but not something to warrant walking out and worrying you.
Hope he's home soon and says sorry.

I don't think you can report someone missing for a few hours

He is being a total arsehole now. A few hours OK, not great but meh. But now? Arsehole territory.

Congratulations OP

What a melodramatic dick. I'd turn off my phone and bugger off to bed and do my best to ignore him entirely. I find when men do dramatic flouncing off to think the thing they hate the most is being ignored.

Crumbs. Is there a friend of his you can contact?

My advice: let him run with today. No more texts, no more contact. Let him come back in his own time.

Shut your brain off, go to bed, have a cup of tea, get some toast, read a book, try and get your head down.

You need to wait and see what he does next before you can address the issue. It's out of line the way he's being BUT maybe just maybe this could be all it takes for his head to get that much needed wobble.

Still read him the riot act tomorrow though.

Congratulations, two bundles of joy ! 💐

Your DHs behaviour is unacceptable, is it out of character for him, or expected ? Are you concerned for his welfare ?
Have you any thoughts, as to where he is ?

DH doesn't have whatsapp or an iPhone so I can't track/contact him.
I have tried calling again but still no answer.

I do think that maybe a part of him blames me for this in someway.

I had this situation (well, not the wandering off hubby), but the second pregnancy a little closer to the first than really intended and then the added surprise of twins at the scan.

I think I took it worse than my hubby. I didn't sleep for 3 nights. I was up googling, joining tamba (well worth it), and reading up on twins and twin pregnancies.

It is a real shock, and twins are hard work (and expensive), but also amazing. I love my little guys. They start preschool this month.

Congratulations on your lovely news!

Wow, this doesn't bode well, what if something serious happens in the future? He just bails and leaves you to it? My DH took a long time to grow up and stop acting like a teenager when our DCs came along. It was immensely irritating and really damaged our relationship.

What a knob. He needs to tread carefully and you have every right to tell him that when he finally decides to show up.

I'd be livid. It's really out of order. And... Congratulations!

Does he have an iPhone? I would use the tracker thing to give me an idea where he is then try to go to bed.
He is in a blind panic and trying to process it all. Dh would have been the same.
Congratulations! He will come back.

Ps if you ever want a chat with someone who has been there then feel free to PM me.
(It was me who wanted 2, DH was content to stop at 1. But to his absolute credit whilst I've brought it up, he never has)

I'd be more angry than worried tbh.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

OP, send him a text saying that if he doesn't let you know he's OK within the next ten minutes, you'll be contacting the police. Hopefully it will make him reply then at least you can stop worrying about his welfare. Selfish bastard.

I'm going to stop replying in a minute but I've realised I didn't write congratulations above.

I like professorcat's idea about texting him to tell him you'll report him missing unless he lets you know he's okay.

Oh, how worrying. Does he have any friends or family that you think he might be with?

I'm sorry, OP, but he sounds like an immature, selfish jerk. He's supposed to be a grown up. He's a father. He's a husband. And he's acting like he is the only one whose life will be changed by the new additions.

Congratulations, OP. It's exciting news. A bit scary I imagine, but exciting. I don't envy your next conversation with your DH, though. I'd want to kill him.