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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH went out after pregnancy scan and isn't home

336 replies

AWOLDh · 13/09/2017 21:07

I'm trying to keep this vague in case someone recognises me but hopefully it will still make sense.

I had my first pregnancy scan today for our second DC.
We have a DD together , it took a long time to conceive DD and we had a couple of failed ivf attempts before we eventually had her.

So I always wanted 2 DCs, DH wanted 1. However after having DD he decided that he wanted to try for another. But I think in part he said yes because I wanted 2.
I fell pregnant on our first attempt and we were both a bit shocked at first as we were expecting it too take longer and the gap between the DCs is closer than expected. But once it sank in I was over the moon and DH said he was too.

So to today, we are at my first scan and the scan showed twins. Both of us were shocked and DH asked her to check again which she did and assured us it is twins.

So We left the room and DH said actually he had to go out and think and he needed space. He said that this wasn't part of the plan and he had to think. I said oh ok and didn't really question it.
He has been gone for hours, he has missed dinner and DDs bedtime.
I text him to ask when he is coming home but he hasn't replied.

I am zigzaging between being worried about him and being angry with him. I'm not sure if I should call him or if that will make it worse because he wanted space. But I'm also worried and annoyed and I want to hear from him.

OP posts:
AudacityJones · 13/09/2017 23:32

Congrats OP! And hope you manage to get some rest. I'm sure your DH will be along soon and hopefully will have sorted his head out too!

pieceofpurplesky · 13/09/2017 23:35

Try and sleep OP Flowers

InsomniacAnonymous · 13/09/2017 23:41

"And he will have to sleep downstairs when he eventually gets home because I don't want to be woken up."

The trouble with that is, that if you wake in the early hours, you won't know whether he's home or not without getting up to check downstairs. Would you be able to get back to sleep without knowing?

FizzyGreenWater · 13/09/2017 23:45

All he would need to do is send one text saying 'Need space. Am safe'

How shitty to deal with your own upset by heaping more on someone else.

You're shocked too- for all he knows you could be pretty upset, scared about a twin pregnancy you are going to have to go through.

He knows you'll now be worrying that something may have happened to him, on top of that. What a guy.

Doobydoo · 13/09/2017 23:53

He is an arse.No thought for you....how awful.I would want to tell him to piss off.Is he normally this selfish? Very immature.

Willow2017 · 14/09/2017 00:04

I would be locking the door and telling him to find somewhere else to sleep tonight.

What a selfish prick. No thought for your feelings at all. How does he think staying away all day and night is gonna help?

PeterBlue · 14/09/2017 00:21

How old is he FFS? 14? This is incredibly immature behaviour on his part.

ShoesHaveSouls · 14/09/2017 00:23

Twins are an incredible thing - and also a shock. For him to walk out for this long is worrying, and pretty appalling - I hope he's back by now OP.

Congratulations, look after yourself Thanks

GabsAlot · 14/09/2017 00:23

what is wrong with men theyre fine having all the sex when it coms to dealing with th consequences they turn into selfish twats

OutnumberedbyFurchesters · 14/09/2017 00:29

I thought I'd get to the end of this thread and you'd have heard from him. He needed space, yes, but I'd be fuming.. and worried. Hope he's home (soon).

Also, Congratulations to you Flowers

AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/09/2017 00:46

What a selfish arse.

What does he need to think about anyway? You're pregnant with twins. There's no choice to be made - it is what it is.

Abandoning you, whose body it's actually happening to, when you've just found out as well is properly shitty, not being in touch for hours on end is mind blowingly shitty.

I'd be wondering if he was having an affair & needed to work out what he was going to do & had gone to talk to her, hence him not answering his phone. Because other than that situation there really isn't much for him to be 'thinking' about.

User02 · 14/09/2017 01:02

You are pregnant with twins and you have a very young child at home and the DH has gone missing apparently with the shock.
Presumably you have checked with relatives and friends if he has gone to them. If you dont want to be disturbed tonight lock the door or leave the key in and let him see what it is like not to have a support.

FrancisUnderwood · 14/09/2017 01:02

I'd be livid OP. This smacks of him being the 'victim' here and making it all about him and his feelings.
Your feelings have equal precedence too.

I hope he comes home soon so you can tear him a new one. Flowers

FrancisUnderwood · 14/09/2017 01:05

Annie I also wondered about the possibility of him being at another woman's house. Shoulder to cry on and all that.

I hope we're very wrong. x

Fruitboxjury · 14/09/2017 01:11

Being out and having space is one thing, not contacting you to say where he is is unforgivable, congrats on your news op, I can see how this would be a shock for him but it's not the way to deal with it. Try and rest and update tomorrow unless there's anyone you think he could be out with who you could contact (or who might be able to get in touch with him).

toopeoply · 14/09/2017 01:16

Congratulations op. Your dh is an arse. It's not all about him! He's taken away the chance to talk about this on the first night together. I hope he comes home soon and doesn't wake you up. Flowers

AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/09/2017 01:18

Yes Francis, I too hope we're wrong, I just can't think of any other reason for his behaviour 😕

DiegoMadonna · 14/09/2017 01:40

Congratulations, OP! Great news!

I really can't imagine finding out something like this and then disappearing rather than just talking to my OH and sharing my feelings. That's what a relationship is about! So, commiserations on your OH being a dick.

Hydratinghydrangea · 14/09/2017 03:08

Let us know what he says when he gets home. Huge congratulations OP!!!

CatchingBabies · 14/09/2017 03:10

I would be furious! He's not the only one who is shocked but he's the one that gets to walk away. And to not contact you at all or answer the phone when he knows you will be worried is just cruel. He's acting like you've done something to hurt him!

iogo · 14/09/2017 03:17

Congratulations OP. It's a shock but you will manage and all will be fine.

Your husband has behaved appallingly.

VinIsGroot · 14/09/2017 04:36

OP congratulations!!!! What wonderful news!!! You've created 2 new lives and your DD is gonna have 2 new playmates! Once the 3 month mark is done...bit will be plain sailing ....if your DH can't accept that then.....tough shit on him.... But you'll be as wonderful mum to twins as you are to DD. It's not a mistake or accident... it's a miracle!

Congratulations and stop feeling so bad!!!! He's a dick and needs to sort his head out!!! Leave her m to it ...but now you've got 1 know d to look after and 2 others to bake !!! Relax x

Tilapia · 14/09/2017 06:15

OP, I hope he made it home safely and is suitably apologetic.

Scarydinosaurs · 14/09/2017 06:21

I hope he's turned up.

Have you asked friends/family?

scootinFun · 14/09/2017 06:26

Did he turn up?

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