The Dating Thread Number 122: Colour By Numbers

[ConorMcGregorsChin]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Phoenix sounds daft, I know. But I've been on this thread 3 years. Everyone who names someone Mr keen or Mr nice, they end up being twats. Could be wrong and hope I am.

That's the sort of thing I do Phoenix. I tend to delete the number too to reduce the risk of an undignified drunk "you bastard" text.

Has Mr Mountain emerged Love?

I blocked a load of irons on whatsapp this week, just to make sure they never make contact again (they had their chance).

I caved in and text Mr Mountain after saying I would wait for him to text me. I was feeling a bit annoyed as he's not texting as much so I sent home a text saying 'are you ok? You don't seem very chatty', he responded and said he was sorry and that he had been busy sorting paper work (then sent me a photo of his table covered n paper work). He's sent me a few messages suggesting places we can go on dates, still not feeling relaxed about it though. Will just see how things go. I have also re activated my POF profile.

Phoenix I hadnt worked out when the right time was and I didnt get many signs from her she was what she wanted. I snogged a 2 girls on a first and second date and they disappeared so I thought this was a different tactic.

Shes back on POF so not much hope of her coming back or do people come back?

If you've had a couple of dates with someone and they stop responsing and you see them on pof again, then no, they don't come back.

It could be something you did, or said, or it could simply be that they reacted to the fact you cough like their ex, or drink the same beer as their father, or like the same band as them. Or no reason.

It's very difficult to do, but you have to just accept that people are weird and you can't control how people respond, and move on. Sometimes there isn't an explanation, as difficult as that is to accept.

Almost all new relationships fail. They're like those little baby turtles you see on a David Attenborough documentary, crawling toward the sea, with the sad narration saying that two out of every hundred will actually make it to adulthood, and the rest will be eaten by seagulls, or by fish, or be ghosted, or breadcrumbed.

Dating is hard. When it works out it's fantastic, but when you realise that this person isn't right, or -even worse - they realise it - that's tough.

Zippy sometimes people come back but I think it's only if they are not getting much attention on POF from anyone else, you don't want to be someone's 2nd choice. I still get irons from over 2 years ago try and come back .

Zippy. She’s not going to make come back without any encouragement from you (mind reading again) but you could always send her an “I was thinking of you the other day - how are you” type message to see how she responds.* You have nothing to lose.*

Conor Christ that’s depressing!

Zippy is this the lady you saw six times in three months for a couple of hours each time?

Hi everyone... have totally lost track so sorry I can't ask specific questions... a small update from me though.

So Mr Vegan was lovely as I said but no spark. He did do that thing though when I mentioned my divorce briefly he got all intense and stared into my eyes saying "Ooo you look emotional are you ok?" a bit sicophantic. Reminds me of my teenage years...

Then I had date number 3 with Mr Hot Native Londoner this evening but HE CANCELLED as he has a work meeting and sounds like he's busy to be fair. He hasn't been on Whatsapp since he text me at lunchtime but he has taken the time to 'view' me on GSM. Wondering if that's suspicious? He'd better not be playing me. Although his message was a great mix of sorry but saucy "I'm looking forward to seeing you properly (and improperly) soon" I get the feeling he's a master at charm and managing people (he works in PR ). Really can't work him out... but I think I'll just keep my emotional distance and enjoy it for what it is.

I have this image of me waddling towards the shore as fast as possible flipper in flipper with my latest Mr Right only for me to be plucked into the air by a seagull and dropped back at the starting line alone muttering I'm one of the fucking 98 again...

Been but as a penguin you are an expert swimmer and rather cute which bodes well for dating...

I’m feeling surprisingly sad given that it’s only been one date & he ghosted. More pissed that I thought I had plans on sat (child free weekend!) and now once again don’t!!!

Need to catch up with the thread.

So I've been talking to a new guy. MrNewGuy I'll call him. We're meeting Saturday for a drink. He seems to get quite intense through messaging and has asked me a few questions which have made me go . I'm being a bit aloof with him actually as I don't like giving away too much before even meeting. I am keeping aware and going to see how Saturday goes. I am undecided on whether I 'like' him but Saturday could change things.

Couch I'm a baby turtle per Bant's analogy up there ^^ but I like the idea of being a penguin. Any app creators reading this? There are millions to be made from a dating game... we could call it Angry Birds especially after Ghosting .

I have just come back from my date with roller girl. I can't compain as I had a really nice time. She was completely lovely and we had great and easy flowing conversation. I liked her but seemed to miss a spark. So I am not if its me, her or both of us? I am a slow starter when it come to conventional vanilla dating. I play it very nice but cool. On the other hand in her profile it says she's not very emotional. So maybe quite cool by nature. There was a hug but no kiss. I didn't go in for one to be fair. Sayings bloody hard without the power to read minds. Not sure whether to see if she wants another date as it may be a slow burner or just concentrate on contract as I am quite taken by her? Either way it was a lovely evening.

Also she said tonight the reason she got talking to me is because I was the only man on OKC who did not send her a picture of my dick. Seriously? And also not sure if that made me feel and good because (altgough probably a compliment of sorts) I would have preferred maybe I started talking to you because your soooooo handsome or I love the way you been making me laugh.

Beenthere Thats right. It was the same woman. I just didnt get enough time to develop things thats why I d like to develop things.

Thanks for everyones feedback

Bant You crack me up. Your paragraph about being like on a David Attenborough nature programme "Almost all new relationships fail. They're like those little baby turtles you see on a David Attenborough documentary, crawling toward the sea, with the sad narration saying that two out of every hundred will actually make it to adulthood, and the rest will be eaten by seagulls, or by fish, or be ghosted, or breadcrumbed. " HAHAHA

Lovemusic You are so right. They do sometimes come back. I had 3 women do that to me.

Phoenix I love your optimism in asking how she is but with the feedback on here. I dont think shes going to come back until I ignore her for months. The best things sometimes is to do nothing at all.

Sorry to hear that, Phoenix.

I'm seriously pissed off with my guy / iron / fwb / hot man. he texted that he was in my town this evening: "fancy a pint?". I'm home alone with my children at their teatime and bedtime; we talked a couple of days ago and I told him the next time I'm free, which is not today; no. Then I get to hear that he is "gutted"; that he would so have liked to see me if only briefly; that in that case he is going home (did I detect some attitude there? Erm yes of course g home, Mr, or you can go wherever you like, but you have no arrangement with me); and finally I get some ramble about what a shit evening he has had dropping things at his ex, who wanted him to hang out but he just wanted to leave and see me and "I guess I should have mentioned it to you first". I turned my phone off then. MENTION? He could mention all he likes, but I am not free when Im not free. (And in fact I'm not free when I choose not to be free, whether or not I am actively doing something else like childcare.) And I don't want to hear the messy stuff about his ex, that is boring as all hell.

the stupid thing is that one of the reasons he said he likes me was he thinks my work is cool. Actually it costs me incredible mental and physical (and financial) energy to keep up a job like mine with small children. A lot of women don't make it; those that do work really fucking hard; most of the people with kids who do what I do are men with wives. I stopped being the kind of person who could REMOTELY consider a spontaneous pint a long time ago. I like my life - I love my children and my job and my friends and my house - and I work so hard to keep it like this.

I'm quite pissed off. Whatever you are supposed to do to make your boundaries clear, I have obviously missed it.

Antgrinch I suppose he might say that there was no harm in asking, but it does seem as though he EXPECTED you to make yourself available which is infuriating. It doesn't seem like he has given any real thought to your situation. Sounds like he was having a bad day and wanted you to make it better!

Stick to your guns and he will get the message.

Yeah sure there is no harm in asking. It's the going on about it that's annoying.

Hello lovely daters. I have been reading this thread recently as I have just started dating again. Met a guy through OLD and went on a few dates but now he is ghosting me. Not really too bothered as I have a few lined up ready to take his place. But why do people do that? Why can't they just be honest and say they aren't interested anymore? I suppose it's a easy way out isn't it? Think I'm answering my own question here lol

Chaos I think there's a multitude of reasons as to why someone ghosts but it could be because they want the easy life so don't bother explaining why they don't want to continue and just disappear. I guess for them it's a cowardly way out.

Of course in some instances it can be safer to ghost. I remember chatting to a guy who got angry incredibly quickly over any little thing. In the end I had to stop speaking to him without explanation because red flags were flying high. I was worried he'd react badly so disappeared.

I have seen a few times when someone ghosts because they want to put the person on the back burner for a while and then come back to them in the future. It's happened to me but if someone ghosts nowadays I don't give them a second chance.

I'm nervous for my date tomorrow. Really hoping it goes well but trying not to over invest. Very hard not to though!
What do people do to minimise that horrible anxious feeling before? I guess it's kind of normal but it's making me feel incredibly nervous. God knows what I'll be like tomorrow morning.
I can't have a drink either as I'm on certain medications.
I think I need to keep repeating 'do not over invest' over and over, like a new mantra.

Anti Sounds like you both want different things.* If I’m honest, I think you’re being unfair. I find it really frustrating when a guy has a busy life & think that means they get to dictate when/where/how often we see each other. If you want something in your life you have to make space for it - he wanted to see you, he asked & then was sad he couldn’t. I’m not sure anger is a fair response.*

If you want a relationship it’s going to be bloody hard/slow to build one if you have so little time.* If you want casual sex it might be better to build up a couple of fbs that you can spread things out with (and set very specific “we don’t do last minute, we don’t do social”, etc rules.*

Obviously what he did hit a nerve - is that because of the behaviour or because you thought you were clear on when he could contact you, etc?

Anti he sounds a bit childish to me, like he's game playing. I have had a few irons message me at the last minute saying 'I'm near by, fancy a drink' , they seem to forget that we can't just drop everything and we have children at home.

MyUser I get so anxious before a date, I have been on loads but the anxiety seems to get worse each time. I hope your date goes well.