The sentence that ended your relationship

[OhHolyFuck]

Sort of a taat, but reading sosos grammar school thread and it got me to thinking

When ex-dp and I were 'trying' (i.e. I was doing the pick me dance/hysterical bonding and he was sexting everything with a pulse and lining up his next victim girlfriend) we had a conversation about celebrities we'd like to be

I said various people for their attributes and then he said he'd be Peter Pan - when I asked why he said 'because I don't ever want to grow up, it's boring isn't it?' and it was a 'scales falling from my eyes' moment - I had morphed into this boring responsible dowdy mum but thank god one of us had because he was simply never going to take responsibility for anything

Every letter he didn't take back to school that I'd had to fill out, every time he was late for work, every time he lived off microwave burgers and spent 20 hours a day gaming - it wasn't me, it was him looking to be forever 16

So what was yours?

Old thread but worth a resurrection, I think.

There are a few. The one that stands out was:
'Oh right. Well, maybe next time babe' after sex. I'd said to him before it that I also wanted to come.

The final one was 'I swear I won't lie to you again'.
The the next thing that came out of his mouth was a lie. "I just kissed her once and I was drunk'. It had been a year long affair.

The 'maybe next time babe' is the one that sticks with me. It was just such a red flashing light that he didn't view sex as something we did together but rather something he did to me to get himself off.

"What are you going to do to change, to make sure I'm never in this position again?"

After assaulting me for the second time, so that I ended up at hospital getting checked for fractures, because she didn't want us to go to my niece's 18th birthday party.

My parents called the Police that time. I didn't press charges, and voluntarily left the home that evening so they didn't have to arrest her. The next day, she announced that my parents' decision to call the Police was appalling, and so we wouldn't be seeing then again. And then proceeded to ask the question above.

That was three years ago. I'm now bloody happy on my own with my daughters. And, weirdly, not in any hurry to meet another woman! 🙂

I read this at the time but it was too close to me leaving ex and I couldn't post. There were several things, not just one final sentence, but one I remember was after a family event (my family, he couldn't be arsed to go) he said I looked like a sack of potatoes. Everyone at the event had complimented me on my dress, and today I can see I looked fine albeit fat. I recognise echos of him in many of these posts, although I'm glad he never hit me (I did get forced into various sex acts though).

When his dad was showing down the phone 'you need to control your wife' and exdh agreed

Oh and that is been making up my PND

It didn't end my relationship then but has contributed to the ending of it now, as looking back it revealed a lot about him and his mentality.

I was at the time pregnant with our first child and suffering terribly with morning sickness and other pregnancy related health issues. I told him I felt my employer wasn't being supportive of my pregnancy and related issues.
He said "your boss' job is to get as much as she can out of you. She can't get much out of you when you're so unwell all the time. She's bound to be peeved."

And this reflected on how he saw my role in our relationship and as The mother of his kids. Pushing to get what he can out of me or peeved that he couldn't.

I have had cancer and had a scare a few years later and was was waiting for a hospital appointment. EXH said ‘It doesn’t matter when it is, I’ll get time off work to come with you’
The appointment came through but for a Sunday (meaning he didn’t get a day of work!) and his reply was ‘Oh... a Sunday... I can’t come on a Sunday because I’ve got my walking group’
There were many others but this was the final straw!

Yup. Worth a re read. I’d posted on this under a different NN and have failed to leave as yet.
I tried 2 months ago and have been reeled back in. More fool me. My self esteem must be rock bottom as I can relate to so much of this.

Great to read how you can turn your life around. Can’t wait. Watch this space.

Yesterday. During a fight in front all of the kids: “Take your boys and toddler and get out now”.

Summer holidays. We are staying at a holiday house, 2 hour drive from the city. At the city house there is no food. It’s 8pm and toddler needs to be fed and it’s already past her bedtime.
That he put himself and my stepson first, and told me to pack my bags, knowing perfectly well that it will distress our daughter, was a final straw. She is 3. I understood he will never change. And claiming he loves me is not enough. My children and me comes first. I’m filing for the divorce next week.

When she said to her (still not divorced 'ex' husband) - you look good in your gym gear. I realised she was never going to be able to move on emotionally and finalise the divorce.

Mine was realising he would never change his behaviour towards me. Nothing I did was ever going to be good enough, I'd been to anxiety management course to help my mental health problems. Of course it wasn't him controlling everything and gas lighting me that caused the problems I was dealing with.
I'd changed everything about myself to be what he wanted and realised he hadn't tried to do anything to save the relationship. I was always going to be the problem, don't think I could have done anything to make him happy.

I told him I was leaving on a Tuesday and he filed for the divorce on the Sunday. Didn't even try to get me to stay, he just wanted to make sure he's divorcing me - pathetic.

So much happier now, even if I'm having to live in a house share and watching every penny. Much rather be here than in his house.

There are a few:

We don't have to be joined at the hip (when I said we needed to spend more time together).

I have 2 lives. One with you and DC and the other with my workmates.

Its not about looks, its about personality (when someone said I was attractive)

I'd be happy to date someone with kids (this is the man who refused to look into adoption when we had fertility problems and doesn't even look after his own DC).

I wouldn't care if your parents hated me so I don't know why you care (regarding his mums bullying me and trying to push me out)

This is the final nail though. He says this at least twice a day:

Do what you want, I don't care.

Oh, and apparently he loves me.

Sorry, thought of one more.

I can't be arsed to wear my wedding ring anymore (after wearing it for 20 years)

When my ex was ranting drunkenly yet again and being abusive, and a lightbulb moment went off in my head that this was the kind of man my kids would aspire to marry one day. After this, we were done.

My ex-P called me another woman's name twice in one day. The first time we were just walking and he made it seem like an easy mistake because he'd been chatting to this other woman on the phone earlier about a work thing.
Second time was during sex. I was such a fucking low-confidence sucker that I pretended not to hear and silently cried while he rutted away on top of me like a feral pig.

It started to wither.

A couple of weeks later, we were role playing and he said "Let's pretend we're working overnight in the office to get a project done and the heating all goes off so we fuck to keep warm". The next day I found out him and this colleague had worked through the night and the heating had gone off.

Ugh. I feel dirty just typing it.

“Are you going to leave?” Me
“This is my house, im not going anywhere”:Him
This was after him hitting me for about the 10th time.
He left for work and I went to the local police station and reported him.
He then called me at work - I ignored him - he was trying to get me to drop charges.
Bastard was charged. Lifetime restraining order!!!
Happy days.😀

‘That thing has ruined my life’ and ‘why won’t you just get an abortion?’
‘That thing’ being our unborn son, my DS is now 5 months old and I’m glad I chose him, every day I thank myself for leaving his Dad to it and having DS!

Said to our 7 year old “I had to walk off otherwise I would have punched your mummy in the stupid face” 🙄

I posted here under a different user name 2 years ago. I’m great now! Found out since that the reason he was saying such awful things to me was that he’d met someone else. I would never have believed it at the time. He has no idea I now know this but it all makes sense when I found out. He, I’m quite sure, continues with the charade of being an all round good guy. His GF has no idea the holiday he went on just after they met was with me and not a male friend. What an epic prick!! She’s welcome to him and his very questionable personal hygiene

When I wanted to spend more time with him, he ignored me and didn't make any effort to change his work patterns to accommodate that. I never saw him.

When I said I wanted more space from him (constant demands to sort out his business/family) he was in my space 24/7.

I realized I was married to a toddler.

"When you ask me to do stuff as a family, it makes me angry"

That was the point when I realised I was flogging a dead horse!

Luckily now that they are older and less is expected of him, and he isn't in the thick of it 24/7 he is lovely with the DCs.

"You can scream, but no one will here you".

My ex had skitzophrenia. He was not by nature a violent man at all. He was kind, and sweet, and shy. Until he attacked me one night in a paranoid rage. I blame the disease, not him, but it ended things.

While you're living in my house you'll do as your told.
By the end of the week I wasn't.