Has anyone got over domestic violence

[HopeontheHorizon]

My ex was violent towards me last night. Badly. I haven't reported it and I don't know why.

I haven't slept and still feel like I'm in shock. I'm at work today and it is especially hard. My kids were asleep when it happened. I told ex there is no way I will have him at my home now. I don't know whether I want to cry or not at the minute, my head is all over. I have reached the end of my tether and today I did something I have never done before. I messaged exes brother to tell him what he had done and could he ask ex to stay away from me or I will report him.

I am all over the place mentally and quite sore as well as tired. How do I get over this? I have children so am tied to him. He uses the garage to receive deliveries for work. The deliveries are huge and need to be kept safe. I have told him he can no longer use this garage, I want him to stay away. I even went as far to email his area manager today and tell him the ex can't use the garage anymore as I don't want him near me or my home and can they make alternative arrangements. Ex text me today to say if he can't take the deliveries for work he will hand his notice in and I won't receive any child maintenance from him.

I replied with Tough. It was only last night he hit me with his iPad and cut my arm, threatened to smack my bass guitar and its stand over my head, threw me on my bed and tried to choke me whilst pressing his hand into my nose.

Wtf do I do? I feel like something is keeping me from reporting it to the police like the kids. I have told his brother as no one knows this has been going on. We've been separated about a month now and I stupidly thought we could be friends, I made him dinner last night after work and everything and he's goes and physically hurts me cos he can't control his temper 😢 I have bruises and a cut which I've managed to cover for work. What the hell??

Report report report.

It will stand you in good stead if you ever go to court re child access.it will leave a mark on his criminal record if any other unfortunate woman gets a Claire's law disclosure on him, and the support you receive from various agencies will help with both emotional and practical matters.

I'm on lunch at work crying my eyes out. I just don't understand.

And stupid me, I'm torn between reporting it and not doing cos I don't want any drama playing out in front of the kids. I wish I could stop crying for now. Someone will see me.

Does anyone recover from this?

Im so sorry youre going through this.

My father (hate giving him that term) was extremely violent, i had a hideous 10y of him in my life and he has left lasting deep mental scars that i have only recently been able to come to terms with and recognize. You have to report him, the 'braver' your coward of an ex gets the more will be done in front of your children. My dad didnt attack my mum in front of anyone else for the first year or two but it quickly escalated and the amount of times i laid on top of her as she lay helpless to take the blows and protect her as just a tiny little girl are countless - he attacked her in the streets local to our home, on holiday, everywhere, soon it did not matter to him. im sorry all the above is shocking and my hands are trembling as i type that but you dont want your children to witness that vile bully hurting you. I'm not insinuating that you would allow something to happen over years but once alone will be far more traumatic to them than you reporting him. Thankfully the police will do everything they can these days (the above was the 80s and a lot of blind eyes were turned) and there are lots of organisations that will help you, like womens aid.

Oh and my mum did recover. Eventually she divorced the monster, met my wonderful step dad who has kept us safe and loved ever since. Married him and had my sister and brother. She got her happy ever after thank goodness and shes an incredible lady. It is possible but only without the abuser in the picture.

Im so sorry youre going through this.

My father (hate giving him that term) was extremely violent, i had a hideous 10y of him in my life and he has left lasting deep mental scars that i have only recently been able to come to terms with and recognize. You have to report him, the 'braver' your coward of an ex gets the more will be done in front of your children. My dad didnt attack my mum in front of anyone else for the first year or two but it quickly escalated and the amount of times i laid on top of her as she lay helpless to take the blows and protect her as just a tiny little girl are countless - he attacked her in the streets local to our home, on holiday, everywhere, soon it did not matter to him. im sorry all the above is shocking and my hands are trembling as i type that but you dont want your children to witness that vile bully hurting you. I'm not insinuating that you would allow something to happen over years but once alone will be far more traumatic to them than you reporting him. Thankfully the police will do everything they can these days (the above was the 80s and a lot of blind eyes were turned) and there are lots of organisations that will help you, like womens aid.

Thanks Coffee. I've reported my own post because I don't know what it is I'm looking for by posting here. I know i should report him but I always feel like he has this 'pull' over me and I can't. Your post made me cry I'm welling up again. It's the emotional abuse I've endured which is just as damaging. i will never trust again.

Its a safe place to vent. Youre telling us because its a place you can get it out. I do hope you report him. Please contact womens aid they will give you wonderful advice.

Youre not alone.

I'm at work and my eyes won't stop streaming. Thankfully my boss whom I share an office with is on leave so i'm mostly left alone. I wish he would realise how he is. He text me earlier today, not even a sorry or an acknowledgment of what he's done. he just wants to carry on as normal. I have blocked him on my phone as I can't deal with him. I wish I didnt have children to him, it would be simple to cut and run then. he still has various items in my house. I dont want him near me ever again. I feel so weak.

I thought he was going to kill me, i honestly did. How can he act like nothing happoened?

you're not human to him, that's how he can act like nothing has happened. If you lose your temper with the washing machine and kick it, do you care the next day? No. Well that's why he doesn't care.

Let him quit his job. Let him not pay maintenance. Let him not support his children. Selling your physical safety for the promise of scraps is not required. Sign on for benefits if you need to, maybe look for work if you don't already.

And ring Women's Aid (and the police if you want, but Women's Aid are better actually)

You cannot recover while the cause of your misery is in your life.

You CAN do it. I did it, alone with two kids, one of whom is disabled. And I'm crap, so if I can do it, anyone can.

Put his items outside in bin bags.

Thanks becotide. I rang WA a couple of years ago about him. They had a Domestic services centre but when I went it was closed and it put me off trying again so i kept plodding on hoping things would change. I'm just so deflated and I think having to keep up an act for people I work with is more tiring than the lack of sleep. My hands are still shaking and it happened last night.

I have started bagging up his items. He has the keys to my garage and I don't. He has a load of stuff in there. Would a locksmith be able to change those locks. I know he will still use garage when he knows I am work, for his deliveries. It's just another thing to have power over me on.

You wont recover from it if you don't stand up for yourself and report the bastard.
He thinks he can treat you like this and by not reporting him your letting him.
Call the police OP, tell them what you have told us. He will see your not taking that shit off him and hopefully fuck off.
Then OP you will feel stronger - good luck x
I was a victim of domestic violence for 6 years - I was so scared of him. I am so strong now, he was punished and left me alone which allowed me to move on.

The drama doesn'r have to play out in front of the kids but if he forces it to be that way, that's his fault. You have to keep him away rom you, he's dangerous. Ring the police and report the assault, let them know he will try to come back and that way they will be ready for a phone call.

he's not going to get better. He's going to escalate. But that's ok because YOu are going to recover, I promise.

I had to have a phone call with my ex (of 10 years) recently and he spoke to me the way he used to, and I was FURIOUS. I didn't used be furious, I used to think it was normal.

You will find your fury sooner than you think. lack of contact will give you time and space to heal - you can heal on your own, you just need him away from you

keep breaking open the garage and leave the door open, he will soon realise he cant use it as his stuff risks getting stolen.

Yes he will have control if you let him, so don't!

Yes, a locksmith can change those locks. You can get locksmiths out very quickly if you explain why - they are sadly used to these situations

I'm in Leicestershire if that's any help - I've lived this.

You have been incredibly strong

Abuse leaves you absolutely shaken to the core.

xx

Just google womens aid again. I will get those locks changed, he isn't going to take the piss out of me anymore. I have had enough of being blamed for everything that goes wrong then punished for it. He's a fucking spoilt child. Hope his brother shows those messages to his mum and dad. They'll see how lovely their son has turned out. He's sexually, verbally and physically abusive and I don't care if they know it or not.

I am very shaken, but I'm starting to feel angry now. The twat used to be a boxer too! I'm about 8 stone wet through for god sake. what the fuck was he playing it?

The stupid thing is about 30 minutes before he lost his shit with me, he was telling me how he still loved me and wanted us to work. I told him nothing ever changes.
Then he goes and does this.

What a horrible, horrible man and what a horrible time you have had.

Please, please, never let him through your door again. He is dangerous. Treat him like a dangerous dog.

You really need to report him to the police as well because when he comes round shouting, threatening and hammering on the locked door, you are going to need them xxx

Yes to changing the locks.
Yes to not keeping his disgusting behaviour a secret anymore (although please don't be surprised if his family don't behave the way you think they should)

Can you think again about reporting him? You could go into the police station on your way home from work, for example. Or call them and ask for someone to come out once the DCs are in bed?

Can you try women's aid again? is there someone in RL who will support you? We are all behind you

Ps the next thing he will do is say you're mental and threaten to have the kids taken off you. This will be purely because he can't get at you physically any more. Then he may threaten to kill himself.

this is a pattern I have seen play out. They NEVER manage to get the kids (plus they never really want them) and they NEVER kill themselves - they think too highly of the,selves for that.

So dn't let it tweak an ounce of fear or pity from your heart. It's just a spoilt brat's tantrum

What will happen if i report him? Arrest?? I'm scared of this and I really dont know why. I dont want him to get a record as stupid as it sounds. It will effect his future longterm. what will my kids think of me? I cant think striaght,