Has anyone got over domestic violence

[HopeontheHorizon]

My ex was violent towards me last night. Badly. I haven't reported it and I don't know why.

I haven't slept and still feel like I'm in shock. I'm at work today and it is especially hard. My kids were asleep when it happened. I told ex there is no way I will have him at my home now. I don't know whether I want to cry or not at the minute, my head is all over. I have reached the end of my tether and today I did something I have never done before. I messaged exes brother to tell him what he had done and could he ask ex to stay away from me or I will report him.

I am all over the place mentally and quite sore as well as tired. How do I get over this? I have children so am tied to him. He uses the garage to receive deliveries for work. The deliveries are huge and need to be kept safe. I have told him he can no longer use this garage, I want him to stay away. I even went as far to email his area manager today and tell him the ex can't use the garage anymore as I don't want him near me or my home and can they make alternative arrangements. Ex text me today to say if he can't take the deliveries for work he will hand his notice in and I won't receive any child maintenance from him.

I replied with Tough. It was only last night he hit me with his iPad and cut my arm, threatened to smack my bass guitar and its stand over my head, threw me on my bed and tried to choke me whilst pressing his hand into my nose.

Wtf do I do? I feel like something is keeping me from reporting it to the police like the kids. I have told his brother as no one knows this has been going on. We've been separated about a month now and I stupidly thought we could be friends, I made him dinner last night after work and everything and he's goes and physically hurts me cos he can't control his temper 😢 I have bruises and a cut which I've managed to cover for work. What the hell??

He needs a record, he's a violent maniac, and your kids will be pleased that they don't have to live in a world where their father killed their mother and they have to go into foster care.

My kids have never, ever blamedme for splitting up with their dad. They love him and that's ok. The youngest now sees him once a week, if he wants to. My ex knows he is on thin ice and this makes him behave himself. But I've raised my kids to know that hitting is wrong.

Your kids love you, and I guarantee they love you more than their horrible father. They don't want you to be hurt. Keeping him around won't make him a better father. It just increases the likelyhood of them ending up in foster care because you are dead and he's in prison.

If you report him, he will be arrested and charged. he will be told to stay away from you by the police.

He's already said I'm mental. he calls me nutjob etc all the time because I call him out on his bullshit and he hates it. He thinks I should just accept it. I take that with a pinch of salt because I'm not the one flips my lid mid-discussion and starts throwing things around the room or threatens people with heavy guitars or smacks people with iPads just because.

I can see everything he did last night play out in my head. He once tried to choke me on the kitchen floor because I was clearing out a kitchen drawer that had letters in and I ripped a letter of his up. It was no longer needed and I was having a clear out. It wasn't important and I didnt do it to piss him off. Piss him off it did though, so I took a beating. I'm sick of his having his bloody finger marks around my neck.

I've got to go out, I'm not ignoring this thread. I'll be back tonight to check up on you

I've been where you are, and this is the hardest it gets. It's all better from here.

Will he only be charged if I press charges?

Thanks becotide. Wish i could stop bloody crying.

Its not you who presses charges. You report a crime and the police decide what to do. Obviously you will need to make a statement but this can be done at home. So basically I don't think the police can charge him unless you report it as a crime ( unless I imagine they had actually seen it)
Please report this monster to the police
My daughter would have been dead had she not done so
Violence very often escalates once the relationship appears to be over. If you don't report I don't think you'll have seen an end to it

Please OP, pick up the fone and call the police .

Your posts are horrifying. Your children need protecting, and you have to stay alive to do this.

Please phone the police.
He will go further. Do you want your kids to attend your funeral?

Sooner or later you will have to involve the police, this isn't going to just go away and you need it in record and some protection for you and your children in place. Please just pick up the phone and call, you have nothing to lose.

Yes you need to report, he is escalating - the hands around neck seems common but was the hand over the nose new?

You need to get restraining orders in place, change the locks on the garage and stop acting as if you can be friends you cant.

Please, please report this. Get a restraining order.

He is not choking you (ie you don't have food stuck in your windpipe). He is actually strangling you. There are numerous reports and studies showing that women who are strangled during domestic violence are up to 600% more likely to be murdered by their partner/ex-partner.

Please get him away from you and your children.

Don't under estimate how scary and serious this is.

You sound very upset and hurt - please also see a Dr.

From a Psychology Today article:
“Death can occur days or weeks after the attack due to carotid artery dissection and respiratory complications such as pneumonia, acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS), and the risk of blood clots traveling to the brain (embolization).”

Please, I beg of you, go to the police.

It doesn't matter if he gets a criminal record - he's a criminal.

It doesn't matter if everyone knows - he chose to behave this way, and you will be safer if everyone is aware what kind of man he is, including potential future victims.
It does matter that it is on record - so you can keep him away from you and your kids if necessary.

Be gentle with yourself. I hope you stay safe. x

If you value your life please phone the police and report this....by not doing so you are not acting like a responsible adult....what would you tell your daughter if this happened to her...by not reporting this you are basically telling its okay to behave in this way...stand up for yourself just because he used to be a boxer dies not give him the right to treat you in this way....when you do report this you will take back the control for yourself...I know this to be true because I did this myself and was in a similar situation...please do this out of respect for yourself

You can't continue to put yourself through your exes physical abuse of you just to protect his long-term future. What about you what about your DC? Every time he is violent he chips away at your mental wellbeing.

Take photos of your injuries and document this latest attack with your gp. Choking is serious abuse and can lead to much more damaging injuries or death.
Why is his life more important than yours? He is a violent man and you should no longer keep his abuse of you secret.

Be brave you deserve an abuse free life

Come on hope. Come back and tell us you've done it x

Please report this man to the police. He is a monster

Oh op

Strangling like that is a huge massive red flag, and very, very dangerous.

I know you might not want to, but you have to think about reporting him.

My ex tried to strangle me.
That was the day I ran barefoot from the house with nothing but the clothes I was wearing.

It is a massive escalation of abuse, and shows an incredible level of violence and hate.

A pp was correct, the stats show that once a man has strangled (not choked, thats accidental) he is 600% more likely to kill his partner.

You need protection.

My ex was incredibly violent, but I did report him.
In the end he incriminated himself by sending me very threatening and violent text messages, all the while complaining to the police about my behaviour.

I showed the police his messages, and he was cautioned.

He has left me pretty much alone ever since.

The only person affecting his future, longterm, is him. He is the one choking you, hitting you, abusing you. You aren't doing anything.

OP - please report him. It may not come to anything, it may result in a record - BUT - if you ever need proof of his abuse, it is there. You may need proof, for Legal Aid, for access decisions, for many things - and if it's NOT THERE it can't be used.

Get to the GP too, and get your injuries documented there too.

But never forget, it is HIS DOING that caused this.

I agree it is strangling not choking(as I put in previous post) he put his hands on your neck to control and restrict your movement and breathing. He cannot get away with this ever again!
I was strangled as a child by my father and I suspect my mother was too although I never saw him do it to her.
It was and still remains one of the scariests moments of my life knowing I was helpless and being held aloft by a violent man.
I won't forget it ever but I no longer have contact with my violent father. I could not heal while still allowing him in my life.
Your ex needs to be arrested and you do need to have these injuries seen to.

Ring Women's Aid, they will support you. Go to Drs so they can track your injuries, you'll need this for legal aid. He needs a record for what he has done and you need to be free. Honestly you'll be fine in time, just think of being at peace with your life.

Please report him. You need to leave him because of your children, not stay because of them. I agree his behaviour and risk to you is escalating.

I've name changed just for this.
Short answer - yes you will get over it. It may take time, years possibly, but you will.
Please phone woman's aid for advice and please visit the police.
I had no choice in reporting my ex as it wasn't just me he hurt, he also harmed our dd and so the health visitor reported. Long story short he was given a prison sentence. Initially he was allowed access to dd but it had to be in a social services supervised contact centre. If you have evidence that your ex cannot control his temper and can lash out you can ask for the same for contact. You never have to see him as you do not have to be present, social services will assist you. Having children is no reason to have to remain in contact with an abuser. My ex had one contact session then decided he didn't want to see dd again.
It took many years to get over, I was very hurt and angry and had issues with trust, and did a few things I'm not very proud of.
However, 13years later I am happily married to a wonderful man and have been for 6 years and have 4 more incredible dc. Dd is thriving at school and she makes me proud every day (she's recently been researching law degrees at Cambridge university!) and she adores her "step"-dad (she would go mental if she ever heard me refer to him as that) and has asked him to formally adopt her.

Just please please please phone 101 and ask to make a statement. It's not scary, they are well trained to help. And you will be ok xxx

Dear OP you desperately need to report this to the police asap and get photos of your injuries.
If you don't you will not get legal aid for a court case, all of this needs to be documented or he could do anything such as go for custody of the kids which they sometimes do to be spiteful or avoid payments, if you report you can get a free injunction. If you have legal aid and he doesn't you will be safe. If not he can do whatever he wants to you.

Hi all, thanks for your posts. I know that by not reporting I am enabling his behaviour to some degree and I would hate for him to do this to someone else.

I have to pop out in a mo so sorry if I take a long time to update. I am still very torn with what to do. I've explained the situation to my mum over the phone. Will probably go see her soon too. I've photographed my injuries, my life is so pathetic 😢

I still don't get how or why he isn't even sorry. That part of all this mess is driving me mad.

Probably outed myself, don't care. The twat did this.