Has anyone got over domestic violence

[HopeontheHorizon]

My ex was violent towards me last night. Badly. I haven't reported it and I don't know why.

I haven't slept and still feel like I'm in shock. I'm at work today and it is especially hard. My kids were asleep when it happened. I told ex there is no way I will have him at my home now. I don't know whether I want to cry or not at the minute, my head is all over. I have reached the end of my tether and today I did something I have never done before. I messaged exes brother to tell him what he had done and could he ask ex to stay away from me or I will report him.

I am all over the place mentally and quite sore as well as tired. How do I get over this? I have children so am tied to him. He uses the garage to receive deliveries for work. The deliveries are huge and need to be kept safe. I have told him he can no longer use this garage, I want him to stay away. I even went as far to email his area manager today and tell him the ex can't use the garage anymore as I don't want him near me or my home and can they make alternative arrangements. Ex text me today to say if he can't take the deliveries for work he will hand his notice in and I won't receive any child maintenance from him.

I replied with Tough. It was only last night he hit me with his iPad and cut my arm, threatened to smack my bass guitar and its stand over my head, threw me on my bed and tried to choke me whilst pressing his hand into my nose.

Wtf do I do? I feel like something is keeping me from reporting it to the police like the kids. I have told his brother as no one knows this has been going on. We've been separated about a month now and I stupidly thought we could be friends, I made him dinner last night after work and everything and he's goes and physically hurts me cos he can't control his temper 😢 I have bruises and a cut which I've managed to cover for work. What the hell??

They've questioned him. I need to give an official statement. I don't think I can cope with all of this. At first I didn't give a statement I just wanted what happened logged with the police. Now they've said I need to give an official statement because of what he's said.

I think it is important you do..

Please give a statement, it will be best for you and you may even find it therapeutic to vocalise everything and be heard.

He may well have accused you of violence, Hope, abusers often do when they are arrested, they claim their behaviour was self defence.

You CAN cope. You need a cup of tea, a bicuit and a night's sleep, but you CAN do this, and you should, to protect your children in the future. Tell the police you have no childcare and they should send someone round to take a statement.

Don't be too scared to do what you have to do.

I'm so so sorry. I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused every day for over five years by my ex. I reported him many times. He was arrested many times. It was dreadful. I just want you to know that there is life after this. Twenty years on I am happily married with happy children and a kind husband. I don't take shit from anyone anymore. Ever. You will get there. There is light at the end of this tunnel . As pps have said, please do go through with the rigamorole of reporting and charging. Many don't. But that is wrong in itself. Be part of the change. He won't change.

You can do it Hope you really can. Do you have someone who can come with you?

hope, how's it going?

In all honesty, you're doing any potential future partner of his a favour by doing this now. Be strong, you can do this. It will help you move on too.

My ex did it to the woman he was with before me, she didn't report it. Then he did it to me, I didn't report it. He then did it to the woman he was with after me and she didn't report it either. The only thing he's ever learned from this is that he can keep getting away with it.

How's things op? Hope you're ok.

I don't know what or how to feel to be honest. Thanks for checking in, i was semi tempted to name change and try not to think about this but it's really difficult. Ant think of anything else.

I'm awaiting the full investigations, likelihood is he will be done for assault. I just have to keep treading water til I hear anything further. He has admitted to what he did but claimed self defence. Evidence is still being gathered (I thought the police had all the evidence they need but apparently not). So for now it's sit tight and wait for the outcome.

Thanks all for your ongoing support. It means a lot to me.

I'm dreading all this coming out at work. It inevitably will if/when it goes to court

Well him admitting it is a start. Hopefully he'll drop the self-defence crap pronto.

Try not to worry about work or what people would think. I don't know which industry you work in but in my (very normal) office if I found out someone had experienced DV I would just feel enormous empathy for them.

There's an awful lot of people who have either grown up with it, experienced it directly or know someone who has, so I'm sure others would feel similarly sympathetic.

OP, would you blame a work colleague if you found out she had been mistreated by an abusive partner? Would you feel she had something to be ashamed of? No?
So don't be afraid of the truth coming out at work.

Don't worry about things you have no control over it that may ever happen! One day at a time, you are doing brilliantly.