I've messed up so badly

[JustNormal1]

Hey all. I appreciate this is going to get me words that I truly deserve to hear insofar as I've messed up baldly.

I have possibly made the woman I have been seeing pregnant.

She is adamant it's her husbands but they have been trying unsuccessfully to conceive for 4 years and the dates of conception match perfectly with when we were meeting and having sex 3-4 x a week, often multiple times per meeting. She told me he is an alcoholic and profuse smoker who takes no interest in her.

She has told him it's his baby and cut me out of the picture, she still messages me and calls from time to time. He is over the moon.

I need the truth and so have requested we do a paternal non invasive DNA match which she reluctantly has agreed to. However she said either way she would expect me to be silent.

I'm not sure my head can handle this as I may have a child being brought up by another man who doesn't know that the little one isnt his. What sort of a person would be able to do that.

She is scared I will do something to jepordise her relationship (more than we already have) but I'm not like that, in my eyes we made a mistake and we have to be truthful.

I'm no benchmark for moral compass but I want to do the right thing.

Good Luck OP... you have a little baby coming into the world.... get your self sorted out... and fight for your Rights

The point is, that child will find out at somepoint it's parentage. It's just a given. And even if you don't have access, they will find out if you tried or didn't try to be in their life. And that will mean a huge amount to them. Much like any father who has been denied access.

OP, I think you are right to make an effort, and more importantly, to be seen to have made an effort that the child you have fathered knows the truth. In years to come your child will find out that his dad is not his biodad. I suspect that in 18 yrs and so by the age of 18 our DNA will be a standard part of our medical record, a bit like blood groups in 60s and 70s. Stories of those, now adult, who have found out that they are not the biological child of their dad are easy to find on the web. It hurts, no matter how much they love, respect and are grateful for the parenthood they have received.

Good luck with the solicitor. At very worst the court can decide that it is not in the best interest of the child to know the truth but the child will eventually find that this was not your choice.