Wow thanks everyone there is so tremendous advice on here. I am truly humbled by the time, effort and thought you have all given me, I really don't know how I'd have got through this without this site to be honest.
Well, I'm back from London. I had a FANTASTIC time yesterday, it's done me the world of good. Met my best friend for lunch and caught up. She had some good advice for me. Then in the evening I met up with a friend who used to be my indirect boss. We've been friends for about 10 years, and he has always been a tremendous support to me. He is going to talk to my old boss and try to help me get my job back. He's very powerful and does have a lot of clout, so this is fantastic. We had a great night out, went to an ice bar, then for dinner and then to a casino, it was such fun. Told him all, and he is convinced that H is having an affair. Reckons H is ultimately aware of bad behaviour and is being so vile to make me punish him.
Met up with H today. Brace yourselves for this as it's all quite spectacular. He was 20 minutes late and made no apology. He was very blase and casual throughout. Took a different approach as suggested by my friend, and asked him how he was, how he felt, that I was concerned at the extent of his drinking and drugs. He said he is pretty happy, enjoying his freedom, enjoying partying, enjoying not fighting. I asked if he missed home life. He said he misses dd. I sort of looked at him as in "And what about me". He laughed and said "No, I'm not going to say that. It's better like this".
He mentioned about it being my fault, so I laughed and said "Yes, I know you think it's all my fault" and he got a bit annoyed and said that I felt it was all HIS fault. I said that it was down to both of us, there are no faults as such. I was sad he hadn't been able to communicate to me a bit better. He scoffed. I asked him if he thought that he was quite blameless and that the burden of guilt actually did all lie with me. He said yes, that's definitely the case.
Asked why he wasn't asking after dd, and he said it hurts him too much. I said it wasn't about his feelings, but hers. He said it wasn't his fault, it wasn't an easy decision, he knows it's hard for her, but it's too painful for him.
He again denied having an affair with Sarah, though when I asked if he was, he said "not yet" again, and couldn't understand why I thought that tasteless.
When I asked him if he knew my issues with our relationship, he shrugged and said no he didn't and that they wouldn't be valid anyway.
Oh, and he's spent all of his redundancy money too, on going out.
So, off I went, with quite a lot to think about. Seriously, how can I even think of re-building a relationship with this person? All this reinforced the feelings that started in earnest yesterday morning; I don't think I can really forgive him for this behaviour of the past 2 weeks. He is being so spineless it's breathtaking. He is basically choosing partying over me and dd, and genuinely seems to think he is completely blameless which is horrifying.
I am going to see where I stand legally next week. Although he has promised money, support etc, it's too risky and he's too erratic really. I really think that it's over.
Am calling his parents this evening. He's told his mum some of it, and she's apparently furious with him. She sent a nice email to us both, along the lines of do x, y and z to resolve it. She also texted me and I think she will be supportive. I have to let them know a bit more of what's going on, and also to tell them that I am genuinely worried about him. He seems on a self-destruct course. I really feel sorry for him as one day soon he is going to realise everything he's lost......